Why are relationships so tough?

[LostandFound__x]

Apparently they’re meant to be natural with the right person. So maybe it’s because I’ve yet to meet the right man for me lol. But dating is so tough!!!

[lightbulb27]

it's tough until you find someone that aligns well and you each do the work/effort to make it good. Its two coming together and we are all quite different.

As well, we can be selfish.

The other issue I found is that our "chooser" is often warped. The compass inside of us choosing is based upon what we've learned emotionally... and that is in some ways... emotional damage guiding us! It guides us right back to what we probably never liked, but are familiar with. blech. The "Chooser" needs work!

Dating is like looking for groceries in the forrest... you randomly run into people and hope they align. Our society is nuts! The old cultures would have families grow up together, know the families, and find suitable potentials... that their children interview and see whom they like most. that is so much easier... parts of India, maybe china, etc.

Lastly... are any of us really getting good training? I took classes along the way and it helped, but they only scratched the surface. There is a total lack of training for dating, relationship and parenting.

You are very late in age at 26... hormonally to be sifting through piles of rubble looking for a rock. but that is the project as it is in our society... and it's frustrating as heck. I didn't get anywhere until late 40s! hope you have better success...

gee... can accidents and mistakes occur in the process... yep? and you turn lemons to lemonaide...

[Maybe_Maybe_not]

They're absolutely not meant to be natural, except in (bad quality) fiction.

It's all the opposite, engaging in romance with someone can be frightening, comforting, stressful, relaxed, promising, disappointing, uplifting, disappointing and more ! Yes, of course it is tough because there is a lot to process, to feel, to understand, to live etc.

There are so many factors making them complicated, differences in expectations, in behaviors, in communication style, in mentality, in habits, in untold things... Etc. So, natural? No, not a bit. It's all about balance in motion but it gets way better and more spontaneous with practice. And ofc it's even better when there are enough common grounds established and/or pre-existent with another personality :)

[Maybe_Maybe_not]

I wrote disappointing twice, well, as a replacement I propose "Frustrating" instead

[Nikki1989]

Because anything good requires some hard work.

[Danny_dan92]

Because they require equal effort on both sides. And unfortunately humans are hardwired to want to be spoiled.




As a result one side is likely to put less effort than the other, resulting in the other noticing and then having resentment towards their partner which could lead to things such as cheating.

[slatyb]

What are you finding difficult? If a date is awkward, don't go on a second date.

[LostandFound__x]

Everything lol

[slatyb]

It's impossible for use to give any useful advice unless you are more specific. Is it making conversation? In general the best thing you can do is just be yourself. Don't try to regulate your behavior in a way that you think will please your date unless you are willing and able to do that for the next two years.

[LostandFound__x]

Yeah that’s true. I suppose it’s all hard. It’s hard to find someone you’re interested in. And then when you do, it’s hard to maintain that relationship. That’s been my experience so far. I’m only getting older and I want to get married and have children.

[slatyb]

How do you fit in with the community around you? You may have more luck somewhere else. For example, I was a non-religious man in Dallas searching for non-religious women. I would have had more success in cities where more people were also non-religious.

[LostandFound__x]

I live in London so it’s quite diverse and big. Apart from that I don’t feel like I fit in anywhere.

[slatyb]

Indeed London is very diverse. Do you like living there?

[ProbablyClueless]

Everything worth having requires work, but it's certainly possible that you simply haven't met the right man yet. A lot people hear the "good relationships are natural" thing and think it means that you won't have to work much at it. That is NOT what that is saying. What it's saying is that you'll never feel like you're doing that work alone.

[coolbreeze]

Relationships are tough because people play to many games and a lot of people are in debt and have no money Who wants to be with a person who has a lot of debt and a lot of bills.

[RavVid]

The natural side is boy meets girl. Boy wants to fuck girl. Girl decides to fuck boy. They bond.

Relationships are not functional anymore because we want more than that.

[nron987]

Because we’re too complex to mate for life, some can, most can’t. It’s childish to think whoever it is you meet is “your soul mate” your love isn’t special and it is in fact replaceable.

[MicahRaine]

Dating is hard. Marriage is too. It's always been that way.

The best relationships are those that make it through tough times and love each other more because of it!

[jahaims]

They aren't if you are emotionally healthy and introspective

[LostandFound__x]

Yea but when you catch feelings you lose common sense

[Friendlybro79]

Natural if dervived from the word nature isn't easy. Even with the right person there's ups and downs. It's tough because it's not just about one person.

[JoeRob67]

Can you really truly know and trust someone completely? Maybe that could be part of it

[LostandFound__x]

Right

[NamerOfStars]

Because they matter. They'd only be easy if they weren't important to you.

[SunnyRS]

They are not natural, a relationship is built upon the partners being considerate towards each other and making compromises for a healthy and balanced relationship to flourish.

[razelove]

Relationships are a lot of work, if you think it's tough working on just you and him, wait until you have kids.

[Hispanic-Cool-Guy]

People are complicated and have a sinful nature, so dealing with their bs makes relationship difficult.

[Ironco]

You are young, just enjoy it. Love will find you, just take your time. Have fun

[Twalli]

You have to put effort into it. Even a perfect relationship requires effort and work.

[NathanDavis]

because they're worth it...

[Fireguy17]

They are a lot of work.

[eagle1951]

everything now a days is hard

[LostandFound__x]

I wonder if like was truly more simple before it was that just because I was still a kid. Hmmmm

[LostandFound__x]

If life*

[eagle1951]

was easier when i was growing up in the 50's and 60's

[LostandFound__x]

Sounds so nice

[noohair]

Natural, but never easy. It is a 24/7 gig.

[AmazonChick171]

I wish I knew