Guy I met from a dating app is very interested in me in person however is horrible in maintaining contact online. is he not into me?

[Anonymous]

So, I (27F) met a guy (29M) online on a dating app. The conversation was very smart and intriguing when we first matched and he instantly asked me out for coffee but I said no since we had not had a proper conversation yet. I am someone who really cannot use dating apps for a long time and had planned to delete the account the same day after I matched with a few guys (it ruins my mental peace) and hence asked only this guy to connect with me on IG.

The next day I thought he would reach out but he didn't. He had earlier told me when we matched that he finds handling online communication very difficult with work and other chores. I got very impatient one day and asked him why he doesn't really talk after sending a mere "hello"? Why is he so bad at texting or following up? He told me he finds talking behind a screen pointless and futile & often after investing a lot you realise the person is a misfit so he prefers to talk face to face.

After a lot of back and forth and stuff, I decided to give him a chance and met him on a date after an argument with him about how he didn't even care to follow up after setting the date. He said when the date is set then it means the commitment had been made and that I was not acting very mature and required patience.

Met the guy, man is he intelligent!! He speaks well, despite the argument we had a great vibe and I really liked him. He was mindful and didn't flirt with me but wanted to get to know me and held discussions on vast topics from geopolitics to religious conflicts etc. He once told me I had pretty eyes and that he saw my dimples. He paid for the date and we laughed and talked a lot, went for a walk and he dropped me home. After the date he texted me and said he hoped the date was well and that we could meet again when we are both free. He said he liked the date and liked me and i said it back to him. The problem is this guy is never on his phone. He showed me he doesn't have notifs ON for any app. He doesn't text or call me.

[Oliverlogan263]

Aw man, that's definitely confusing. On the one hand, it sounds like you really connected when you met in person. But his distant phone/texting habits would bug me too.

A few thoughts:

- He may genuinely prefer face-to-face interactions and find phones distracting. Some dudes are just like that.

- But blowing you off online after setting a date is rude. Everyone should put in equal effort, especially early on.

- Could be losing interest now that he "caught" you in person. But you said he seemed into the date?

- His "don't judge too fast online" take is ironic since that's what he's kinda doing! Could be covering low effort.

I'd say don't write him off yet since that one date went so well. But I'd be direct - tell him the inconsistency makes you question his interest level. See how he responds.

If he keeps being MIA, might not be worth your energy. But give him a chance to reassure you first before you end it, ya know? Keep your options open either way. Hope it works out, girl!

[Asker]

He replied to my dms last night and asked me for my number

[Avicenna]

He may be talking to multiple women at the same time

[Kellyamy]

He might be busy so you guys need to understand each other better.. someone can he busy and still loves you more.

[Asker]

But if someone you like crosses your mind won't you just make an effort to talk to that person irrespective of your communication style? I dont know why he says he would text call etc but won't. Is he waiting for us to be closer?

[Asker]

Infact he didn't even open my last dm. He told me it happens often that other people dm him and my chat goes down below. So its more like he has to scroll down and tap and open read and then reply and its a huge work

[Stevepro68]

100% not into you but doesn't want to hurt your feelings. So he has that going for him. If guys wants you or even just wants to f#$& you he will be relentless.

[MisterMystery]

He seems like someone who is more interested in sex than in you.

[Asker]

Yeah and therefore he didn't try any physical touch on the first date? Sure.

[MisterMystery]

Then you should stop communicating with this guy. You should give a chance to men who value you for who you are. You are a valuable person.

[In_Trance]

Have you called him?
You kept saying he hasn't reached out to you but have you reached out to him?

[Asker]

Well we met on Saturday and had a brief chat on Sunday when he reacted to my IG story after we had discussed during the date about how it would be better to chat on whatsapp and he said he would text me there but didn't. He did tell me that he has got the flu and is unwell rn.

The problem is my msgs remain on "sent" and he showed me how he barely checks his dms and he feels it is a huge pressure to go through that section only to have some back and forth convos. He said he prefers calls etc. As my texts are still on sent I decided to let him reach out instead. Tbh I feel like he can't change his communication style and a part of me misses him.

[In_Trance]

Stop stop texting and call each other

[Asker]

Should i call him first? Would it not seem desperate or clingy

[In_Trance]

No more desperate or clingy than him calling you.
I really don't understand that line of thinking. Do you want to talk to him or not? Rhetorical question.
If neither one of you can make a move to communicate than what are you actually doing here...

[Asker]

I guess he would def reach out to me when he wants to see me? I can call him but it would make it seem like I am very invested in him right after one date!!! Idkkkk how men think tbh

[In_Trance]

I really don't understand your logic but you do you.

[Asker]

I am trying to find logic haha. I am trying to figure out if he even likes me enough in the first place lol

[In_Trance]

And how are you going to figure that out if you are not talking?

[Asker]

Exactly why i wrote the paragraph above loll. This guy needs to TALK!!! Why isn't he talking is my question. If only I have to initiate all the time because he sucks at online over the phone communication then its a bit difficult.

[In_Trance]

That should tell you all you need to know.
But in the meantime you need to put forth the effort you expect

[Asker]

Soooo you are saying he isn't really interested?

[In_Trance]

Too early to tell. And frankly neither one of you have put forth a decent effort to determine

[Asker]

You are right! Just a lot of trouble with his communication style tbh. I am a huge texter or I am okay on calls but with him being so againt the idea of texting its tough for me

[Cj_Shway]

not a big texter, that's normal