Guy I met online briefly and now setting a date, but I feel like he’s distancing?

[Anonymous]

We talked for a week on the app, we hit it off with long texts and connecting in different things. We met briefly at spur of the moment. He told me he really liked me, but all I could asked is how can he when he just met me lol. We had two long hugs. He told me he will give me a proper date. The next day, we were talking, I felt like he’s not as attentive with a little shorter replies and I don’t feel that high energy anymore. Why? So I apologize that I wasn’t talking as much when we met because I was really cold and I don’t want to burdened him at the time. He told me he loved how communicative I was and he thought of me well when we met. I told him I was thankful he’s understanding and playfully said he can give me a blanket when it’s cold next time. He started talking about cuddling in a blanket sounds nice. I told him it’s really cute but I reserved for it after some dates. He never comment on it. The day after is today.. we still message in the morning, but he actually didn’t message me for half the day (noon to evening) and when he did reply at evening I felt like his high energy and super attentive sweet msgs isn’t there as much? He was being there for me while I was ranting off work. He asked if I was down for Sunday to go to an art museum. I said I love to. He told me he will see me then with a kissy face. So I’m assuming he won’t talk to me anymore… but I still feel a bit distant? Or am I overthinking? Is it the cuddle comment? Or he’s probably busy getting to know other women?

[SirJohn42]

I dont know where the miss connect is.
But sometimes texting all the time can turn guys off. Or it can come off a little needy.
Depends if he's working all the time too. If he's just plain busy doing other things. But if he can't reply like he did before maybe he is away from his phone.

Just to me seems like he isn't interested. But again if he was he find away to answer you.
Or tell you why he hasn't texted or missed your text.

[Asker]

So he actually texted me after he got off saying he just got home and gonna make dinner. After I replied 2 hours later, he talked to me like nothing happened… should I say something or just keep talking to him casually? Do you still think he’s not interested? He never say sorry or explained why the late text…

[Asker]

I did asked in one of my last texts if he had a busy day but all he said was that he was not really busy and just enough to keep the day going and smooth…

[SirJohn42]

Well he's talking is a good sign.

[Asker]

So don’t bring it up? He did twice yesterday and today between noon and evening.. he don’t text me until he gets homezzz

[SirJohn42]

No just chat. Give him time to respond if he doesn't text in a day maybe bring it up.

[SirJohn42]

If he's interested he will text ya..

[Asker]

It’s the second time he did this… he does text only after he’s off work.. 😶 I get if he’s busy, but there’s also no communication about it… it’s kinda turn off..

[Asker]

Lol well I just threw it out there.. but I tried to say it in a nice way that I noticed lately between that time I don’t hear from him or get a text why I don’t hear from him.. and so I kinda missed him

[Asker]

I’m gonna test the water in what he says.. I can’t see myself dating someone who doesn’t provide much time and communication to share why they took so long.. or even sometime throughout the dsy.. like I hear only 5-10% lol that’s so small in the morning

[SirJohn42]

Ok second time.
I can see how that would be.
If you dont like it explain how it makes you feel.

[SirJohn42]

You know what you prefer. Good luck..

[Asker]

Thank you, I wished I did but I didn’t shared how I felt cuz I wanted to see what he said. So he told me he normally tried to reply during his breaks. And he apologized for not mentioning that sooner. Then he said he will try be more mindful when there are long breaks.

What do you think of his response?
Should I tell him that I appreciate him for expressing himself to me and it made me feel better that he’s being more considerate? Should I also add that those long breaks made me worried if he was feeling down or disconnected, so I feel forgotten and how I like good communication on what’s going on if I don’t hear from him for a long while?

[Asker]

Guess I’ll just do that since it’s getting late here lol

[mommymommymommy]

A girl I met 10 years ago, finally asked me out, i think, I asked her out on a date, to make it a formality. I thought we were going to go next week, when I told her I was going to be extremely free, as I was going to have the house to myself. She then replied back that she was going to be really busy that week. I haven't heard from her for three days either

WTF?

[Asker]

Well your situation is a bit different.. you just need to ask her when is she free to set a new date lol.

[Asker]

Do you have any advice for mines?

[mommymommymommy]

But she said she's "always busy". Basically. I told her specifically I would be free next week, the beginning of it (Sunday to Wednesday), and she couldn't ask off, or take a day off of working out?

[Anonymous]

It kinda sounds like he is using you here, maybe not... but he is definitely not as invested now.

I'd cut your losses

[Asker]

Right. I wonder why is he longer as invested? What do you feel like he might be using me?

[Opinion Owner]

Actually its the fact you asked why he liked you without knowing you. I'd think if he was truly interested there would be more effort in getting to know you.

its like one of my ex's never realized how much I knew about him till it was already over, in his mind I knew nothing about him so I was using him. Now look at the situation here, he seems more interested in "cuddle" than anything else.

[Asker]

It’s so weird because before our meeting and even during the meeting, he was putting so much effort in getting to know
me in so many diff areas… but I don’t know. Surprisedly he did message me good morning today. I haven’t respond yet cuz I don't know his intentions…

[Opinion Owner]

Personally I wouldn't reply or react, not saying to ignore or ice him out. Just let him come to you a bit.
if you know other people, talk to them instead.

[Asker]

Like just match his low energy and keep bit distance to see if he will do more?

To be frank, he told me he was feeling abit low the day after our meeting. But then he said he felt better just talking to me and keeping productive at work. Yet he didn’t reply from noon to evening. I’m starting to wonder if he’s playing games… lol. Or I don't know if it’s like another person who said he told me he really liked me and I didn’t say it back. But honestly it’s a first meeting.. so I would be surprised if anyone “really like” me lol. If he said he just likes me, I get that more lol.

[Opinion Owner]

Well, you remind me of someone I know actually.
Are you sure this person is what you are looking for?
Did you get out of another relationship recently by chance?

I think you should approach this with the mindset he is playing games now honestly, its just safer as someone who really loves you won't care in the end if you are honest when that discussion is needed.

if you need more tips, just add me and DM me :-)

[Asker]

Lol yes I just got out of a relationship and slowly trying to date again. That’s a great guess!

Well I think he just sounds like what I needed… (patient, understanding, open minded, kind, mature) but now I don’t know because he’s not as attentive and showing consistent energy anymore.. maybe he’s not.

You’re right, I’ll approach as that then. Thank you for being so helpful and kind!

[Opinion Owner]

Can I ask what happened in the prior relationship?
I just identify with all of this a little too well, makes me feel like I know you :-p

[Asker]

We lived together. He basically ended it saying he’s not the person to fill in my needs… all I mainly ask is for him to stop having wandering eyes and have healthy boundaries. So it really stung… we broked up for 4 months and still act like a couple because he still take care of me, but only one month just physically separated since I finally left the house.

[Opinion Owner]

I may have a bold take here, but it sounds like you are trying to replace what you had with this person. I know you might hurt from your past with this previous person, but I think you are trying to find "him" in someone knew.

Take some time to really digest this and see how much it resonates with you, sometimes all we need is time and perspective.

If you think any of this is accurate, reach out to the older person and tell them. Otherwise, you can try with this new guy... I just suspect its not going to lead anywhere based on what you share.

[Asker]

Wait, reached back to my ex? Oh no, he left me …and I don’t think he’s the right person sadly because he couldn’t make those changes to respect me throughout most of our relationship :/

Tbh I only started dating because my therapist said I should go on a date lol. It was also for me to recognize what I want/need. But I am taking it really slow on myself. This guy told me twice he really liked me and was falling for me before we Met. I never told him I liked him except I am attracted to him and enjoy what we have so far, but we should get ti know each other more. So he understood I wanted take it slow before we met at the spur of the moment.

I’m not trying to replace my ex, I am hoping to find someone better than him. My therapist said he’s someone that wanted a relationship with me but he just wasn’t fully ready to commit and not that mature. I think I just wanna see what’s out there but not really in a rush unless he’s the right person. I’m also trying to enjoy being single and be free to just do me again.

[Opinion Owner]

well, if I may... What kind of changes?
Just all the details sorta hurt inside for my own life, I really think I know you (or have lived what you have lived)... Makes me feel like I am giving advice to someone that could be hurting someone I know :-p

How long were you two together (the ex), if I can...

i have never been a big fan of dating based on Therapist recommendations, but I completely understand.

[Asker]

Wait, you think you know me, the ex, or the new guy?

[Opinion Owner]

you and the ex :-p

[Asker]

Where are you from

[Opinion Owner]

DM me, much easier :-)

[Asker]

Sorry I’ll stay anonymous for now. Not sure where you’re from and if we really know each other

[Opinion Owner]

Understood, I reread that and realized it sounded more ominous than intended...
I'm in Southern US.

[Asker]

No worries! I’m actually from United States in Western.

It’s weird, he msged me good morning and hope I’m starting a good day so far. I said good morning and told him it has been wonderful so far. But he only left me on read….

[Exterminatore]

Sounds like he’s running out of ammo. Dates are for talking. Getting to know each other. Not the phone.

[Jamie05rhs]

"but all I could ask is how can he when he just met me lol."
You talked him out of it. 🤷
Congratulations; you played yourself! 👏👏🤦

[Cheerfull009]

He might have find better girl

[Asker]

Did I do anything wrong?

[In_Trance]

What even is this?