Does confessing help you move on from a crush?

[Anonymous]

Does confessing help you move on from a crush?

As the title has stated, I’m planning to tell the guy I have been crushing on for almost a year now, my feelings for him. I don’t really expect anything from it, I’m doing this simply because I want to get it off my chest, plus I don’t want to live my life with regrets, keep thinking about what could have happened if I tell him my feelings. He isn’t really my type, I didn’t like him at first sight, it is for sure develops over time. My feelings and intentions of getting to know him better are sincere and genuine. At first, I was in denial about having feelings for him, I keep telling myself to just forget about him and move on. That is what I‘m currently working on, I try to distract myself by staying busy, focusing and working on myself. But he deserves to know that he is a special person to me. Not only that, but there is no way he would like someone like me, there are many girls out there who are so much prettier than me, I am just an average looking girl. Honestly, I don’t really know how he will react after, if he decides to ghost me, stop talking to me, ignore me, or even hates me. Then it is totally okay, I completely respect his decision. I will still treat him with kindness, and it won’t ever change, no hate or revenge on him.

Can you guys give me advice on what I should do? Is it okay to write it in a note and give it to him, because I am afraid that when I get nervous, I will start to get stuttered really bad. Plus he is also a very shy and reserved person around me, I don’t want to make him feel uncomfortable.

[SueShe]

Never live with regrets because regrets will make you a bitter person in the long run. However, you are taking a chance of being rejected if you confess to him.

In this year you had a crush on him, you must have received signals whether he is reciprocating your crush or not. What is your gut feeling?

Now, one thing disturbs me about what you say. You state that "he isn’t really your type". Imagine if he reciprocates and you 2 get together. If he is not really your type, how do you figure that the relationship will develop?

I would confess but be prepared to be rejected.

Finally, beauty is in the eyes of the beholder. You may not see yourself as attractive but others may. You may have something else that other attractive girls don't. Never just judge on one asset. The entire package is what counts. Good luck.

[Asker]

It is quite long. I’m really sorry in advance if you have to read all of it. There is an age gap between my crush and I. He is 18 years while I am 23 years. Hopefully I don’t get judged or get laughed at because a lot of people have been making fun of it, so I am quite hesitated to tell people my story. I really appreciate you for taking your time to read my story. He isn’t really my type because I usually don’t like guys younger than (I have bad experiences in the past) that is the reasons why I really hesitated whether or not I want to get to know him. I got hurt in the past, so right now I’m just kinda close my heart, and try the best that I can to control my emotions. Obviously I didn’t like him at first sight, it is for sure develops over time. My feelings and intentions of getting to know him better are sincere and genuine. At first, I was in denial about having feelings for him, I keep telling myself to just forget about him and move on. One more thing I like about him is that he is a family oriented person, he loves his family a lot, and doesn’t seem to depend on them.

[Asker]

The first time I met and got to know him was when I was in 10th grade, basically I was 16 years old, he was probably in 6th grade. During the summer I was volunteering for an elementary school. At that time, there weren't many Vietnamese people in the class. I asked and found out that he was a Vietnamese like me but was born in America. Of course, he wasn’t very good at Vietnamese. At that time, my friends also volunteered there. He said he was also a Catholic, and even went to the same church as me. Fast forward few months later. I saw him again in the church. Whenever I saw him, I would smile, wave at him and greet him. This one time, I was eating in the church’s cafeteria with my mom. Like every time, he would come down to the cafeteria to greet me. Somehow on that, I am not sure what was going through his mind, he ran up and gave me a hug from behind while I was eating with my mom. I thought the reasons why he did it was maybe he missed me, and glad to see me again because I only got to see him only on Sunday. Not gonna lie, I was really surprised when he gave me that hug, my mother sat beside me, so obviously she saw everything he did, but she didn’t say anything. Before he ran away, he looked at my mom for a brief second, I wanted to introduce him to my mom but it was too late, he was already gone. Since that moments, I rarely got to see him around anymore. Sometimes while I was walking around, I would see, I still treated the same, nothing had really changed.

[Asker]

When coronavirus’s pandemic hit, everything completely moved to online. Therefore, I couldn't attend church in person anymore not until everything was getting better. As finally the coronavirus kinda died back down, everything got moved back to normal, I got to go back to church and volunteer as I did before the pandemic. By that time, he was already grown up, no longer the kid I knew from the summer camp, he was probably 16-17 years old. The first time I saw him, I noticed him from afar kinda avoiding my eyes. I think he saw me walking toward him, that was why he diverted his eyes to look away. When we gently passed each other, I quickly stopped him and asked him what was your name and told him you looked so different, I couldn’t recognize you. I stopped him and asked him those kind of questions because I got curious was this the boy I met when I was 16 years old? Next time, if I had the chance to see him somewhere in the church, I still said hi and asked him how has he been?

[Asker]

Throughout my time attending mass I had this weird feeling that he was sneak peek looking at me to confirm he was the one looking, I would occasionally look at his way, and obviously my gut feelings was right, as soon as he met my eyes, he would immediately either looked down, away or just pretended to do something else. At first I didn't think much of it, however, the number of times i caught him looking at me was quite a lot, so I got curious why did he look at me so much? Was it because I had something on my face or because he had something to tell me. Not only that, but I also saw him went to the place that I often visited. Sometime he was being very nice to me by holding the door for me, helping me even though I didn't ask. He also got jealous whenever he saw me talking or laughing with another guy, that person was just my friends, he would look at me as that guy talked to me and made me laugh. Every time I looked back at him, I would see his facial expression was really sad, especially his eyes looked like he was trying to hold back the tears. A few months ago I followed him on Instagram. I reached out to him asking him how was his life going and whether he needs help. When I faced a challenge in life, I sometimes texted him, ask him for advice, or ask him for help. He was very enthusiastic to help. He responded to messages quickly, sometimes texting him kinda dry and boring. I don’t text him everyday, just sometimes if I have time, plus I am not a texter, I am very slow at texting. One time I decided to ask him do I make you nervous, or why do you always look at me. He responded back really fast denying my accusation of him, and told me to forget about it. Because obviously he doesn’t text me first, I overthink a little bit whether he would get annoyed if I do it, he said not at all. What do you think I should do?

[SueShe]

Sorry for not answering before but I was away. Your reply is indeed long but because I feel you have a genuine situation, I will take the time to answer. Let me just give you my point of view for each of the 3 replies you sent me separately. That makes it easier on me.

[SueShe]

I don't judge on age gap, differences of interest, religion or anything that may others may find offensive.

The age gap. You are older by 5 years. However, women are much more mature than men in that age group. The average is about 2 years. That means that his maturity is about the one of a 16 year old teenager. That may perhaps be an issue right now but the gap will progressively close, the older he gets.

You are right to be cautious after having made bad previous experiences. However, your mind is shutting your reason off because you have sincere feelings for him.

However, being family oriented should not be the only determining factor for your decision. I guess that you too would like to have a family of your own later but basing your decision solely on being family oriented is a tricky thing because he may just want to impress you with an argument he knows you are sensitive with.

[SueShe]

answer to your 2nd. paragraph.

How did your mom react when he hugged you from behind. Did she talk to you about it and asked you how come this buy is hugging you. Did she also ask you if there is something going on between you and this boy?

Mums know instinctively those things.

How did you react? I am sure your mom also looked at you when it happened and must have registered your reaction.

[SueShe]

answer to your 3rd. paragraph

After the pandemic, when you went back to church and you met him again, did you only talk like that with him or did you also interact with other boys that you knew before that pandemic? The reason I am asking is that if you only talked like that with him, you already knew at that time that he meant something to you.

[SueShe]

answer to your 4th. paragraph

He is obviously interested in you because that is the reaction of a person that is caught staring at someone they have an interest for. Breaking eye contact and looking down is very typical because they have been caught.

However, the fact that you too kept trying to look at him and searching for his look also is a good indicator that you are not hiding your liking for that boy.

Now, when you talked and laughed with other people and he was looking at you with almost tears in his eyes, yes, he was jealous that you gave your attention to others and not to him. It broke his heart that you did not laugh with him rather than to be with those friends. He is deeply in love with you.

He is the shy type of person that is hesitant to make the first move by fear of being rejected by you. However, you texting him for something like help also indicates that you wish that he would make the first move.

I see that both of you are introverts and that is a problem because none of you wants actually admit that they like the other, hoping the other makes the first step.

If you really like him, don't let this chance pass by and do the first move otherwise, you may regret it for a long time. Good luck.

[Asker]

My mom didn’t say anything when he hugged me from behind. When it happened she just turned and looked at me for a brief second, and then looked away. She didn’t look concern, she just asked me who was he? I just told her, he was a friend I met during summer camp. I felt startled and surprised when he decided to hug me, other than that, I didn’t get mad, I even wanted to introduced him to my mom, but he ran away so fast, so I didn’t get a chance to do it. When I came back to the church after Covid, I talked and smiled to everyone doesn’t matter if that person is a boy or girl, someone I have been close, known for many years or just strangers. I didn’t get to talk to him a lot because I rarely saw him even though we went to the same church. The way I treated him before and even right now haven’t changed. I still try to be friendly, smiling, and nice toward him. Couple months ago, I requested to follow him on Instagram. I reached out to him, asked him how has he been doing, how is school going for him, does he need anything? On special occasions like new year, Christmas, Thanksgiving, and even birthday, I texted him wishing him a happy holidays or happy birthday. Right now, I don’t text him anymore because I overthink a little bit, I’m worried that I bother him if I text him first, plus I don’t know what to talk about beside school and his life.

[Asker]

I got to meet up with that guy 4 months ago. Because I had promised to give him his Christmas gift. When I handed him the gift he looked so happy, appreciated the gift that I got him and asked me if he could hug me. He gave me a side hug, with a little squeeze. Not gonna lie, I really surprised when he did it because he was so shy, I didn’t think he would do that. I really glad that he is starting to open up to me. When he gave me a side hug, I honestly didn’t know what to do? Obviously, I am not a touchy person. As I decided to hug him back, I accidentally put my head on his chest, he didn’t pull back when I did it, but instead he reciprocated, i could feel his head rest of on my head. Do you think that is a good sign?

[SueShe]

How did you feel when he hugged you? I mean besides being surprised. Did you like it? Did your heart beat faster? Did you wish it would not stop so quickly?

If he is shy and took it upon him to give you a side hug, then this is indeed a good sign that he likes you too.

[Asker]

Yes, my heart skips a beat, at first I thought to myself this opportunity won’t ever happen again, therefore, I need to take advantage of it. I reciprocated by hugging him back. At first I thought he hated me because he can talk and be comfortable with everyone except me. He can barely look me in the eyes. I don’t know why does he treat me so different from others. I even went further to ask him do I make you nervous, or why do you always look at me. He responded back really fast denying my accusation of him, and told me to forget about it. Plus I am also in denial, I keep convincing myself that there is no way he will like someone like me, he knows I am older than him, plus there are also a lot of girls who are much more good looking and prettier than me, who are the same his age and younger. Why would he likes someone like me? It would make sense and maybe better for him to like them.

[SueShe]

In attraction, looks play an important role but not only. It is the whole package that counts. You may give out vibes that hit a sensitive nerve, like a positive expression, a nice smile, a person one can trust. All those elements make the whole package.

He does like you but he felt under pressure when you asked him and that is why he denied it. He realized that he has feelings but like always, one is afraid to fail and to be rejected. Since you are also in denial but actually like him too, one of you 2 must make the first move if you don't want to regret one day not having done it.

Take the lead and show him that you like him because I have the feeling he will not do it. This kind of miscommunication often leads to wasted opportunities. Good luck.

[Asker]

I’m really grateful because you took your time and read my long story and gave me helpful advice, I couldn’t thank you enough. You are right, telling him how I feel is really scary, but I don’t want to live my life with regrets and keep thinking about what ifs anymore. To be honest, I have never thought he will like me, next time I will ask if I can see him one last time to say goodbye, even though my family is not moving, plus I will still get to see him every Sunday, but just from afar. I don’t know whether or not will I get to see him in a close distance anymore, but I’m still debating whether or not will it be worth it to tell him my true feelings or just abandoned it and move on with my life. To be honest, I have already told you that I don’t think he will like me, and I don’t even expect him to reciprocate his feelings. All I want to do is to get it off my chest, who knows what will happen in the future, will I get to see him ever again, maybe I will move away to pursue higher education. I don’t know how he will react after reading that letter, but i can guarantee that the way I treat him will never change, I will still treat him with kindness and respect.

[SueShe]

You are a good soul and whatever you do, you will do it because you not only think of yourself but also you think of him and his wellbeing. May you make the right decision and if God will, you may even be relieved you did make that difficult choice. You may not see it that way today or tomorrow but perhaps only in a few years from now.

Whatever your decision is, I do wish you good luck and Godspeed.

[Booklover_90]

Honestly, just tell him. If this is a guy you’ve gotten to know, don’t be afraid to tell him. This is something I’ve done. I confessed my feelings to a man last week. He has a girlfriend, (I didn’t know this before I told him), but he appreciated my “directness.” Anyway, just tell him and, to answer your original question, confessing your feelings often does help you move on. Either way, I wish you the best in this. 😊

[Asker]

If you don’t mind can I tell you how I met him so you have a better understanding of my situation?

[Booklover_90]

Sure.

[Asker]

It is quite long. I’m really sorry in advance if you have to read all of it. There is an age gap between my crush and I. He is 18 years while I am 23 years. Hopefully I don’t get judged or get laughed at because a lot of people have been making fun of it, so I am quite hesitated to tell people my story. I really appreciate you for taking your time to read my story. He isn’t really my type because I usually don’t like guys younger than (I have bad experiences in the past) that is the reasons why I really hesitated whether or not I want to get to know him. I got hurt in the past, so right now I’m just kinda close my heart, and try the best that I can to control my emotions. Obviously I didn’t like him at first sight, it is for sure develops over time. My feelings and intentions of getting to know him better are sincere and genuine. At first, I was in denial about having feelings for him, I keep telling myself to just forget about him and move on. One more thing I like about him is that he is a family oriented person, he loves his family a lot, and doesn’t seem to depend on them.

[Asker]

The first time I met and got to know him was when I was in 10th grade, basically I was 16 years old, he was probably in 6th grade. During the summer I was volunteering for an elementary school. At that time, there weren't many Vietnamese people in the class. I asked and found out that he was a Vietnamese like me but was born in America. Of course, he wasn’t very good at Vietnamese. At that time, my friends also volunteered there. He said he was also a Catholic, and even went to the same church as me. Fast forward few months later. I saw him again in the church. Whenever I saw him, I would smile, wave at him and greet him. This one time, I was eating in the church’s cafeteria with my mom. Like every time, he would come down to the cafeteria to greet me. Somehow on that, I am not sure what was going through his mind, he ran up and gave me a hug from behind while I was eating with my mom. I thought the reasons why he did it was maybe he missed me, and glad to see me again because I only got to see him only on Sunday. Not gonna lie, I was really surprised when he gave me that hug, my mother sat beside me, so obviously she saw everything he did, but she didn’t say anything. Before he ran away, he looked at my mom for a brief second, I wanted to introduce him to my mom but it was too late, he was already gone. Since that moments, I rarely got to see him around anymore. Sometimes while I was walking around, I would see, I still treated the same, nothing had really changed.

[Asker]

When coronavirus’s pandemic hit, everything completely moved to online. Therefore, I couldn't attend church in person anymore not until everything was getting better. As finally the coronavirus kinda died back down, everything got moved back to normal, I got to go back to church and volunteer as I did before the pandemic. By that time, he was already grown up, no longer the kid I knew from the summer camp, he was probably 16-17 years old. The first time I saw him, I noticed him from afar kinda avoiding my eyes. I think he saw me walking toward him, that was why he diverted his eyes to look away. When we gently passed each other, I quickly stopped him and asked him what was your name and told him you looked so different, I couldn’t recognize you. I stopped him and asked him those kind of questions because I got curious was this the boy I met when I was 16 years old? Next time, if I had the chance to see him somewhere in the church, I still said hi and asked him how has he been?

[Asker]

Throughout my time attending mass I had this weird feeling that he was sneak peek looking at me to confirm he was the one looking, I would occasionally look at his way, and obviously my gut feelings was right, as soon as he met my eyes, he would immediately either looked down, away or just pretended to do something else. At first I didn't think much of it, however, the number of times i caught him looking at me was quite a lot, so I got curious why did he look at me so much? Was it because I had something on my face or because he had something to tell me. Not only that, but I also saw him went to the place that I often visited. Sometime he was being very nice to me by holding the door for me, helping me even though I didn't ask. He also got jealous whenever he saw me talking or laughing with another guy, that person was just my friends, he would look at me as that guy talked to me and made me laugh. Every time I looked back at him, I would see his facial expression was really sad, especially his eyes looked like he was trying to hold back the tears. A few months ago I followed him on Instagram. I reached out to him asking him how was his life going and whether he needs help. When I faced a challenge in life, I sometimes texted him, ask him for advice, or ask him for help. He was very enthusiastic to help. He responded to messages quickly, sometimes texting him kinda dry and boring. I don’t text him everyday, just sometimes if I have time, plus I am not a texter, I am very slow at texting. One time I decided to ask him do I make you nervous, or why do you always look at me. He responded back really fast denying my accusation of him, and told me to forget about it. Because obviously he doesn’t text me first, I overthink a little bit whether he would get annoyed if I do it, he said not at all. What do you think I should do?

[molonski2]

Id just make the obvious admission and see what happens , nothing ventured , nothing gained..

[Avicenna]

Nah, that isn't necessary

[Iron_Man]

Tell him now