Is this guy genuinely interested in me?

[Anonymous]

I met this guy on tinder back in 2016 and we were seeing each other for about 4 months. He later confessed that he didn’t want anything serious so we parted ways. Well he recently came back and added me again on Instagram. Told me he has been trying to look for me for a year and finally did (I had changed numbers and usernames multiple times) so I knew anyone would have trouble looking for me especially if we don’t have mutual friends and live in different cities. Well I was in a relationship when he reached out and I was honest. He said that was fine we could just be friends. When we broke up I told him and he said he wanted to see me. We started seeing each other again and confessed that I was so upset and hurt when he told me he didn’t want a relationship back then. And next thing he told me was that he wasn’t ready for a relationship right now because he’s “focusing on his career”. So he’s giving me the same excuse as before. I’ve tried to change for him. Got rid of my attitude, became more patient with him, stopped blocking him ever time I’d get mad. I matured so he could see how much I want him and am being serious. He is still adamant about waiting to be in a relationship. I told him to stop texting me because I’m just not okay with talking every day and not get to be more than friends with him. He’ll be like “okay if that’s what you want” but he always ends up reaching out to me again a week later to see how I’m doing. I told him to stop talking to me but he always says “I care about you I still want to know that you’re doing okay”. And then we’ll be okay again but won’t make an effort to come see me or take me on a date. I am so confused I don’t know why he wants to stay in contact but won’t make an effort to take me on a date or come see me. I’ve been to his apartment before I know he’s not in a relationship but I don’t know if he’s seeing other girls on the side. I just need a man’s opinion on this one.

Updates

+1 y

Update: ***Ladies your opinions matter to me too***

[Anonymous]

I’m not a man, so I hope you don’t mind my opinion, but I think at this point the writing is on the wall. This man won’t commit because he doesn’t want to, and it’s made plainly clear by the opportunities he’s gotten to change his mind in all this time and does not. Already you messed up by changing yourself for someone else, because for the right person, there wouldn’t be changes necessary and he’d love you as you are. But that’s in the past, and in the present, all of your sacrifices and patience has not and is not paying off. As far as him repeatedly coming back, he does it because you let him back in and there’s nothing endearing or romantic about that dynamic. Just because there’s no traces of a woman at his house doesn’t mean there isn’t one in the picture, he’s just not committing. That alone gets tired, and I’m sure those women get fed up, leave him and then he circles back to you as a safety net for his loneliness. I understand you’ve invested a lot into him and have hopes for the future, you want your efforts to pay off, and I get that you really want him. But he’s just not the one, you can’t make him the one and you shouldn’t have to turn yourself inside out to try and appeal to him. You aren’t desperate and he’s just not worth it.

[Asker]

Thank you for your response. It made me cry as I read it but you definitely hit the nail on the head with this one. You opened my eyes and I think I need to be smart and look at all the signs.

[Opinion Owner]

I’m sorry, I know it’s really hard and I’m sure you won’t walk away immediately, as it’s easier said than done. But I hope you get the courage to do so, because all of the time used holding out hope for him could be used healing and making space for a better person to come along. I’m sure if you tried to leave he would tell you sweet things you want to hear as not to cut ties, but if nothing else, he’s shown that his words have no action behind them and if he’s not ready to commit after all these years then he’ll never be, so his time should be up.

[bubblegunnn]

Daaang.. i read all of it til finished and the last line is only looking for guys opinion lol fine 😂

[Asker]

Still give me your opinion!!! 😩😂

[bubblegunnn]

By the way he tried to find ur ig and this is his effort to try connect back w u again, and even when u said u have boyfriend back then, he even said we can be friend.. girl from this point we know he was interested in u.. and he is so patience to always connect w u even after u said dont text everyday, i just hope he doesn't think u dont want him tho by u said dont text everyday as u want space n gap w him.. then how he gonna get to know u better, how u gonna get close if u made ur own line so he can't come inside to ur heart..
For my opinion, if he suddenly ask for date its kinda creepy if u both didn't text much tho u get me? Like how he gonna take u out if u make boundaries..
Text him everyday, build connection and a little sparkle first between u two by texting, or call that would help.. then wait a week or few weeks to him ask u out.. then feel the firework explode between u two.. trust me he likes u 😉

[historectomy]

he isn't gonna commit he just wants no strings attached, forget him and move on

[Asker]

I appreciate your response. I feel so discouraged but I have to accept it …

[historectomy]

don't be, there are billions of guys in the world, don't waste your time on one who doesn't matter in the long run good luck

[spartan55]

Clearly all he is interested in is sex