Am I insecure for communicating things like this I don't like with my boyfriend?

[Anonymous]

I talked about how I don't like sharing the same drink we share with other people. It's gross and shared with female friends. I also mentioned how I don't think it makes sense to give me flowers and pick them for all his other female friends every time I get them. So basically any gesture is shown to everyone the same as me. Including gifts like on Valentine's day. He wanted to get a gift for everyone when he was too lazy to help plan a nice dinner or gift. This was the thing I communicated of why I wasn't sure if he was into me prior to dating because there were no signs of interest like he claimed he would do for me the same he would do for other people. Gifts, flowers, and etc. Being kind to people is a good thing but this is just weird to me

[Spuen]

I think you are doing great in communicating to your oartner what makes you feel uncomfortable in your relationship (thats what everybody should do).

I also think that when he responds to that communications with things like "you are insecure" he is invalidating you and your feelings. It doesn't matter if you are insecure or crazy or whatever. You are feeling bad about something and someone who loves you should care about that and try to find a solution, regardless lf the cause (i think this is a red flag).

Also, even though it makes you feel uncomfortable, he is free to give flowers to whoever he wants and let other girls touch his hair or whatever, if he still wants to, soecially knowing how that makes you feel.
And that is when your boundries come into action. When you have to decide if thats something you can live with or something that is going to make you leave that situation.

[red-lipstick-girl]

Your boyfriend is doing something wrong. He shouldn't surprise anyone else, he should only surprise you and your family, or he can buy gifts for your friends on their birthdays.

[Asker]

I tried to talk and say I don't like how some females just touch his hair. He said you don't ask what I like

[red-lipstick-girl]

He is a very rude man. It is very rude to touch other girls. If I had a boyfriend like that, he would get slapped in the face.

[Asker]

No girls touch his hair because it's soft and curly and he doesn't see a problem. Apparently I'm being insecure but when I say nothing he feels like I can't communicate.. I can't win

[red-lipstick-girl]

The problem is not you, you are right to be jealous, anyone would be jealous, you are behaving normally.

[HighValue]

He doesn't value you as a partner. Go for someone of lower perceived quality because he can apparently easily replace you and therefore doesn't value you. You need someone more on your level.

[StevenMcGarrett]

I don't about insecure. But he should make you feel special and if he buys the same gifts for everyone than he is not doing his job.

[Asker]

I would try to communicate that but he tells me I'm being insecure. When I say nothing he gets anxious and tells me I don't know how to communicate. But what am I supposed to do because it's like no matter what I try it doesn't seem to work. His sisters said you can't just get everyone flowers like that because it loses meaning at some point

[StevenMcGarrett]

Well you can sit him down and tell him that you need to talk to him and tell him again how much it bothers you. If becomes defensive and tries to deflect by calling you insecure. Then you should probably find a new guy. Good luck.

[jahaims]

Have some standards.

[Anonymous]

Nope.