What should I do if my boyfriend is choosing his friends over me?

Question

My boyfriend is basically choosing his friends over spending time with me. I only see him on the weekends. Last weekend he wanted to go out for an hour with his friends so I said okay because he don’t normally go out when I’m over. When he came back home, he told me he’s going out next weekend and it’s a boys thing. I voice my feelings and I left and he didn’t had anything to say. We always spend the weekends together and now it feels like he rather be with his friends over me. All my stuff is still in his place and we haven’t talked since, what do I do?

Makeushiver · Accepted Answer

Some guys seem to take longer to make the break from hanging out with the guys to going forward in life as an individual. There is usually comfort in a pack and when a bunch if guys are together its often a case of not being ready to fully mature. Men and women seem to handle this differently. In early teenage years we are far more accustomed to hanging out with members of our own gender. As we mature it is often in spurts of spending time with love interest than running back to the pack to get their approval and to see how they fare against their friends who are also their peer rivals. Usually each member hots an emotional growth period which allows him to become more independent. It often healthy enough unless the group as a whole is less sexually active and if he has been later in developing or needs to grow more emotionally. The worst is when both partners are sexually inexperienced. If he isn't self-assured enough to realize certain matters are meant for privacy he can use the group to brag about sexual exploits, more often than not embellishing them to give his ego greater luster. Confiding in one or two close friends in order to compare experiences is normal and healthy. Bragging about conquests to anyone willing to listen os a sign to run, fast. Often a group like this will have a final guy left after the others have moved on, Often the ones that are left behind get terminally left behind as he becomes members of a younger peer group. Most guys will eventually realize when their behavior is lame and force themselves to mature out of it. The ones who don't need close inspection as this is often a fertile breeding ground for narcissists or even sociopaths.

Finchie40 · Accepted Answer

I think it’s time for you to grab your things and go your separate ways , A loving partner will never prioritize their friends’ over their partner period , it’s ok that he has friends don’t get me wrong , and it’s ok if he spends some time with them , but not ok if he is excluding you , when a partner starts excluding you , they are pretty much up to no good , they are only thinking about themselves and not factoring in their partners’ feelings , if he truly loved you and cared about you , he wouldn’t exclude you period. Don’t fall for that shit , I went through the same shit with my ex , part of the reason she is my ex. We don’t get into relationships to be single , if you want to stay single , don’t get into a relationship period. It’s common sense

Baublebar234 · Accepted Answer

Well first and foremost, your feelings are valid. I don’t think him also seeing his friends is a problem, but you voicing your feelings and he didn’t have “anything to say” about it is a problem. I would talk to him again about it and see what he says. Does his friends have girlfriends? Maybe you guys can have couples date/game nights, or maybe weekends are no longer working so potentially compromise for a weekday? I think the most important thing is open communication about it for sure. But if all of this is addressed and he continues to “not have anything to say” about your feelings, you might have to consider if this is a relationship worth continuing.

Alwayreckles93 · Accepted Answer

Your boyfriend is a disgraceful disgusting man. Your boyfriend must put you first. You must be his number one first priority! You should always be important to him. This behavior of this men child is unacceptable. It's no wonder in this younger generation woman are not getting married because this generation of men still think they are high schoolers little boys when I'm reality they are grown men who sadly never mature. It is his obligation to spend time with you at all times. It doesn't matter what his situation is. He wanted a girlfriend he better act like a man and make you your number one priority.

HawkPerception · Answer

If you have already communicated your desire to be with him more often and he has not reciprocated, then that is on him. He needs to understand that his priority should be primarily you since he is in a relationship. The only thing that comes above a partner in a relationship is family and that changes once you're married.

If he chooses to spend more time with her friends than you, it's likely he prefers spending time with them, which speaks volumes about your relationship. I don't want to jump the gun here, but he may just be using for sex. I don't know anything about your relationship other than what you've said, but that is what I've extrapolated.

IslaTheWitch · Answer

talk to him, describe what you see and how it makes you feel... no judging... and ask for his perspective...

to be able to do anything, to make any decision... you need information...

and every relationship is based on communication... so communicate :D

Justhereforananswer · Answer

It sounds like he's slowly pulling away. It might be too soon to say for sure but if this becomes a routine thing I think you should have a plan in place for your next move. I'd bring it up to him that you want him to have time with his friends but your time with him is really important too.

Anonymous · Answer

To me it doesn’t sound like it’s in excess. He said one weekend. You sound like you’re already looking to breakup. So I’d suggest getting your stuff from his place next time so you can go your own ways. You said yourself he doesn’t normally go out, which means once in a while he does. Otherwise you would have said he doesn’t go out when I’m over. So how’s it different this time than other times?

D_Bone_Steak · Answer

Stop becoming less attractive/fun than hanging out with his friends.

I get it... you seek validation and all that womanish stuff, but that shit is boring. Call a random person the N-word even if he's Chinese... watch his eyes light up in delight.

Sincerly_KittyCat · Answer

Women tend to ask questions when they know internally, that they aren't being treated right.

You are not prioritized in this relationship and you know it. So why stay and miss your opportunity in getting a life long partner that actually appreciates you. You and this guy is wasting your time.

Is the time you can never get back really worth wasting on this type of regretful relationship.

Staying = wasting your youth
Leaving = finding someone worth your time

Kori1236 · Answer

First your feelings are valid but we need more context. How long have you been together. You always spend weekends together would imply a decent amount of time. he's allowed to have guy time; I’m guessing you both work during the week and don’t have time to see eachother beyond weekends. How long are his excursions with his buddy’s. Is it a couple hours or all weekend?

overlord337645 · Answer

both of your feelings are valid I think you need to be honest with him once more and tell him you feel like your second class in his life and thats fine if you are but that your not going to continue to date him unless he can make some time for you even if its just 10 minuts out of his day with you

Nikki1989 · Answer

You say, "I feel hurt and neglected when you choose to spend time with your friends instead of me." If that doesn't make him wake up to himself, it is official, you are dating a man-child.

Anonymous · Answer

How much time away from you is he spending exactly? In a 24-48 hour period, an hour or 2, doesn't seem like he's abandoning you for them even if you typically only spend your weekends together. Unfortunately, most of us adults are working during the week, so it's hard for most of us to hang out on a Tuesday night when we've got work in the morning.

RHK36 · Answer

Go to his house and collect your things. If he keeps blowing you off then he's too chicken to exit a relationship he wants out of otherwise why treat you like that. You sticking around for his bad behavior says it's okay to him. Leave the relationship or don't complain.

Anonymous · Answer

do the same thing he does. since he doesn't listen to your feelings, you either leave or give him back his own medicine. he wants to hang out, oh sorry you have plans. he wants to have sex, oh sorry that's a no. etc.

Alex-Snow · Answer

Guys need time with their guy friends and it might be best to find a time where he can do both, be with you and have some guy time. How is your sex life with him? Does he just want a friends with benefits relationship?

PeachyPie93 · Answer

Ask to meet up go get your shit and move on.. plenty of other guys who will actually like you and want to spend time together.

alice55 · Answer

He don't like you, he's surely waiting for you to break things off because he's too pussy to do it himself

Radiate143 · Answer

Choose your friends over him and your interests, hobbies and plans for your own success. You do have those right? Decenter him.

MikeTheBartender · Answer

More context... How long have you been together? Where does he go with the guys and what does he do?

Anonymous · Answer

You got to use your feminine whiles. That or go do something fun with him rather than keeping him locked up.

Anonymous · Answer

You expected him to change.  You are learning a lesson.  You don't own anyone and the only person you have power over is yourself.

DtMe89 · Answer

You have to sort of understand him. That, he's going to have his life too. My dad goes out with his friends too. He has his own life

Slim57 · Answer

Cut the weekend bullshit and hang out on weekdays too, you can't have a relationship just on the weekends.

NathanOlipop · Answer

You should consider seeing his friends as well.

noohair · Answer

If he felt a connection, he would want to stay with you. Besides sex, what do you guys have in common?

Intheclouds00 · Answer

If you see him on the weekends I wouldn't worry too much

Anonymous · Answer

"We always spend the weekends together" implies he has spent many weekends with you. You're mad that he hung out with his boys over twice, the first time for an hour? I dated a girl like you. Lost one of my childhood friends, broke up with her and never forgave her for making it difficult to see him when he was alive.

lorenzomichael · Answer

I think he’s taking the Bros before hoes to literally.

Delia2005 · Answer

Dump him tell him you don’t have time for him since he doesn’t have time for you!

Cheerfull009 · Answer

He doesn't like to spend his weekend with you, he hate you to be with you ,

Penelope79 · Answer

Leave him if he doesn’t have time for you. Then you don’t have time for him.

kaucky1 · Answer

He might be gay so just move on

Sabretooth · Answer

it's time for THAT conversation

spartan55 · Answer

I would love to hear his side of this.

slatyb · Answer

Get a new boyfriend.

Darkest-Knight · Answer

Drop him.

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