Why does my boyfriend choose his friends over me?

[Anonymous]

This man is about to be single real soon. We’ve been together for 7 years. he always chooses his friends over me. We barely see each other. i work during the week and i don’t see him because he doesn’t let me sleep if i go over his house. then he chooses his friends over the weekend. like today i told him i wanted to see him and he choose to go to a party instead. he is 1,000 percent a social butterfly, he doesn’t like being home. i’m a home body. so whenever we hangout it’s always at his house. mind you we don’t go out on dates because i don’t know why. i ask him once in a while if he wants to go out to dinner, he’ll say yes then something happens and we don’t go. why do men do this? why do men choose their friends over girlfriends? i understand friends are important, but what growing and making a future with your girlfriend is not important either? we barely do anything together so i feel like we are not even together. but please someone please tell me why men choose their friends over their girlfriends?

[Anonymous]

It sounds like you’re ready to settle down and build a future and maybe have a family. He doesn’t. You’re happy being at home. He’d rather be out partying. You’re trying to prioritize the relationship and get serious. He’s wanting to have fun and be with his friends. You’re in your thirties and seem to have the maturity of a woman in her thirties. I assume he’s also in his thirties, but he’s still acting like he’s in his twenties. It’s not an “all men” problem, just a “this man in particular” problem.
You and he just aren’t very compatible.

[Asker]

yeah we are both in our 30s. i don’t think he will ever get over his party scene until he finds someone he wants to get serious with.

[Oliverlogan263]

Ay trust me I feel ya. Nothing worse than a dude bailing on his girl to ride with the homies. At the same time tho, 7 years is a long time and maybe this is just how he is, ya know?

Seems like you tried talking to him about it but he ain't changing. So here's what I'd say - you deserve someone who's gonna make YOU a priority too! Relationships take work from both sides. If he can't step up his game by taking you out more, making plans with just you sometimes, letting you sleep over - then he's shown you where you rank.

Don't let anyone treat you like an afterthought sis! His loss if he's not willing to compromise. Friends will come and go but you need a real partner who's got your back. Dump his ass and I bet all the sudden he'll have tons of free time again to beg for you back. But by then you'd be on to bigger and better things without him! You got this!

[rosemilk]

i know that opposites attract (homebody to social butterfly) but not THIS opposite... it seems like he has different priorities in life and you two just don't mesh anymore

so the dude is a very social being and loves going out, but doesn't even take you out on dates? seems like a very big relationship problem. this is not a common "men" thing. why doesn't he ever invite you with his friends every once in awhile? do you two not share friends also? just seems very odd to me

it just seems like he already checked out and doesn't care. the immaturity is through the roof here

[Asker]

he did invite me i just said no because i don’t know these people. we don’t have the same friend group. we did meet at a friends giving but we don’t talk with the friends we met through.

[lily_of_the_valley]

He doesn't seem to be the right guy for you. You should try to find somebody that's a little less "social butterfly" and a little more considerate, too. Does he know how his actions are making you feel? You should tell him that by going out so much and spending so much time with his friends he's making you feel neglected. Try to compromise with him and explain that you're fine with him spending time with his buddies, but that you also want to spend more time together. Maybe he's just unaware. A lot of guys are. If he isn't able to change, I think you should leave him and find someone else who's willing to hang out with you.

[LazerBean]

Because he enjoys hanging out with his friends more than you.

[Asker]

when i ask him if he does he always tells me no

[LazerBean]

Then he's lying.

[Asker]

yes i figured