Why does my boyfriend choose his friends and drinking beer over me?

[Anonymous]

we have been together for 10 years and we always fight about this. and he doesn’t change. he always promises to change but he never does. i really don’t understand why it’s so hard for someone to stop wanting to get drunk every single night. why is it so hard to choose me first? why is it so hard? why choose his friends and beer over me? WHY? 😢 i hate living my life this way. i hate that he’s like this.

[crossdressingrihno]

If it’s every night as you say then, it’s absolutely his fault but if he’s doing it like once a week then it’s not his fault.
I mean the Bros gotta hang out.


What really caught my eye is you both been dating for 13% of the average humans lifetime or 22% of a woman’s life in fertility.


If you ain’t happy, and you’ve tried your best, it’s probably best to move on because you have several biological clocks ticking and you’re wasting time. Even if you don’t care about having kids you have still spent 13% of your life span dating this guy.

[Asker]

i wish it’s once a week, i would be so happy with once a week. but it’s not, it’s every single day drinking heavy. he legitimately buys a box of 6 pack and drinks it buy himself and goes to the gas station and buys another. he spends so much money on beer it’s so sad. we don’t go out on dates at all. supposedly i’m not worth it, according to him. when we hangout, it’s at his house. i love him when he’s sober. he’s such a good hearted man, he works hard, he will always help anyone in need, he puts a lot of people first, he makes me laugh. the only thing is his drinking. it’s breaking us and he doesn’t seem to care. we don’t go to a simple movie theater, we don’t go for a walk around the park, we don’t go to the beach, we don’t go for dinner and we don’t go on vacation. it breaks my heart because he tells me that i’m not worth it. i get it, i nag and complain but i nag and complain about his drinking and occasionally complain that we don’t do anything fun. *sigh* I don't know what to do anymore.

[crossdressingrihno]

He sounds like an alcoholic. Maybe you could try getting him in a program? If not then maybe it’s better to break up.

[lightbulb27]

Every single night is excessive. That to me says there's a lot of stress at home and he'd rather avoid and be medicated, probably like he did all his life.

We don't know what is really going on, we'd have to talk to him to know what he is avoiding.. and maybe thats best left to his therapist. People don't change unless they have to. Heck, they don't even admit they have a problem unless they have to... just speaking the truth can be hard. .. and it sure is a lot easy to jam a needle in the arm... or drink some beverages having a good time, than it is to face life, stale emotions and make changes.

There's dudes driving around in 1960s vw wagons doing what they did 60 years ago.

That be really miserable to deal with, don't envy you. You can try to make home as inviting and safe as possible so he can open up.

[LazerBean]

Because he wants to and knows that he can get away with it.

[Asker]

so not talking to him and ignoring him will teach him a lesson?

[LazerBean]

Not at all. He will always do this because he doesn't respect you.

[Asker]

i’ve told him this before and he denies it. telling me that he does and that he’s sorry. he has manipulated me to stay for years and i hoped he would change after being in trouble with the law twice, but he proves me wrong, every time.

[LazerBean]

Just like I said.

[Asker]

only way he will change is if he wants to and to a girl he really is scared to lose. which i’ve come to the conclusion that it’s not me. it’s going to hurt, but i’m just going to have to move on.

[slatyb]

"we have been together for 10 years and we always fight about this. and he doesn’t change. he always promises to change but he never does." Why should he? He's doing what he wants, and you whine about it but after ten years you are still there.

[Asker]

yes i’m such an idiot

[SoJust]

Let me tell you the reasons why it's difficult, as your boyfriend was friends with them before you, they laugh and have fun with them more, so he chooses them, your boyfriend, don't let it happen, I think 10 years is not a little time, there's no change in the basis of a person anyway, so look at the way to endure it, break up with him

[ilovelamp]

Addiction is a hard thing to conquer. Especially if you don't know or provide any good / viable solutions that will actually help with conquering that addiction., assuming that person is actually ready to make a change.

[Asker]

i don’t think he’s ready. he surrounds himself with people who loves beer. he gets out of work and goes to a friends house and drinks beer. instead of calling me to see if i want to hangout with him, he goes right to drink and get drunk. it’s really sad to see.

[TheSpaceGnome]

Why did you put up with it for 10 years?
People do not change, you will never get what you want from him.

[Asker]

i stayed for 10 years because i had hope that he will choose me, but nothing changes. as much as it will hurt me, i think it’s time for me to move on.

[TheSpaceGnome]

it was time to move on as soon as you knew what he was like, which was probably like the first week or so at most.

[Asker]

oh yes, first week for sure.

[Anonymous]

I read your question and I already want a beer. And I don't even drink. 😆😆😆

[Asker]

why do you want a beer?

[KrakenAttackin]

Because his friends and beer actually have personality.

[Anonymous]

He must be very selfish.

[Asker]

he is, i agree.