Is he choosing his friends and alcohol over me?

[maderacasa333]

We've been married for 4 years and separated 2. Currently "working on things"

This is his definition of working on things:

He contacted me after a 3 month break due to him ditching me to go with his friends almost every week. He said he was sorry and he was going to show me that I'm a priority and that he'll cherish me. We hung out and slept together twice and I was only allowed over late after he hung out with his friend that week.

Second week, I wasn't allowed over there because he wanted to spend as much time with his friend before he moved back home. His friend is married to my friend and I asked her to ask him if my husband was hanging out with anyone and he just said he did want to start drama.

Week 3, he still didn't want to hang out because he wanted to hang out with his other friend that he hadn't seen. His best friend has a single young sister in law that lives with him who's beautiful. I'm almost positive she sent him a snapchat request the other night. They live a building away. I saw he has her saved in his phone under his sister in laws name. I asked him if he's hanging out with her and he said she's engaged. She's not. Why would he lie about that?

Am I being stupid or should I still give him space?

Updates

1 y

I paid for him to go to treatment to get off alcohol. All his friends drink.

[Nawlins34]

He's choosing friends/alcohol over you.

You're not being dumb, you're confused because you're going by his WORDS.
When a man's WORDS and ACTIONS don't match, go by his ACTIONS.

Let's break this down.

"He said he was sorry and he was going to show me that I'm a priority and that he'll cherish me." - WORDS

"We hung out and slept together twice and I was only allowed over late after he hung out with his friend that week." - ACTIONS

"Second week, I wasn't allowed over there because he wanted to spend as much time with his friend before he moved back home. His friend is married to my friend and I asked her to ask him if my husband was hanging out with anyone and he just said he did want to start drama" - ACTIONS *sidenote - Without answering, he answered. because what answer would cause drama?

"Week 3, he still didn't want to hang out because he wanted to hang out with his other friend that he hadn't seen." - ACTIONS and CHOICE

"Am I being stupid or should I still give him space?" - neither. You should file for divorce.

He's not trying to get better, he wants a sense of normalcy and so long as he doesn't have to pay anything in the form of losing people, he'll keep it going.

He didn't show you he was a priority, he did the exact opposite. You're an option.
I would say divorce him and don't even keep a friendship.

He's just inviting you to waste your time.

[TheMajesticKing777]

Sounds to me like you are wasting your time, you might want to think a bit more about yourself at this point and do what's best for your mental health, you are obviously putting in all the effort here, saying something is completely different than doing something and he says he is going to cherish you but his actions are showing the exact opposite, the question you should be asking yourself is where do you see yourself in a few years from now if you stick around this guy and give him all your love and not get any back, you will be miserable and he will never see your effort, at the end of the day the only one that will be suffering is you because you put in your part and he is not seeing your everyday pain with his actions, he either snaps out of whatever fantasy mindset he is living in and puts in some effort or you have no reason to stuck around cause long story short he is just keeping you away from the possibilities of you getting cuffed by a guy that will actually appreciate you, my advice is break it off with him, maybe he will see his mistake and put in effort to fix it but until then you aren't forced to stick around and live miserably just to make him happy when clearly he isn't putting your happiness first.

[Avicenna]

Is anything going to change permanently? If not, it's wasting your time

[maderacasa333]

He said it's just too soon after our break to jump right back into things. I set my boundaries saying we have to actively work on it, to which he agreed but I feel he agreed just to sleep with me.

[Avicenna]

Sounds like you're wasting your time

[Kaneki05]

Getting played for a fiddle. Need to find someone else.

[GatewayRealm]

Your Wasting your Time

you’ll have no Trouble finding another man
So I wouldn’t worry bout it.

[Guy13]

Yikes 😳, that’s not fun.

[maderacasa333]

I just don't want to waste my time

[Guy13]

It doesn’t sound good. It’s difficult to let go of things one invests in. Are you fed-up with it yet?

[In_Trance]

I think you're wasting your time

[Anonymous]

This sounds like a dead end. I would move on.