How do I deal with this situation?

[Anonymous]

My boyfriend works out of town for 3 weeks at a time and comes home for a weekend. The issue is that he gets dropped off at a shop and then visits with his mom on Fridays. Instead of coming home after seeing her he stays the night without fail and I have to end up coming and getting him the next day or he will have his car and not come home until 5pm Saturday evening. I will even ask him are you going to stay at your mom's and he will tell me no and ends up doing it anyway. Today he asked me if it was ok if he goes out with his friend I told him yes but is he staying at his mom's after and he said maybe I told him that im just gonna assume he is and he said don't worry if he does he's gonna be home before I wake up. I assume he's gonna be drinking and I don't want him to drive home drunk but this shit is getting so old and I've told him it makes me feel like im second to his family and friends. I don't get to go have fun away from home for weeks at a time and I don't get to go have fun with my friends. He just bought a brand new puppy and I now have to raise it and I can't leave it alone so most of my days are 100% puppy. I also understand that I'm not entitled to all of his time and he misses people but I feel very low on his list. He even gets off work everyday at 3 and waits to call me at 8 before he goes to bed and the whole time I can barely talk to him because he's done went out with coworkers and now so tired he barely listens to me and sometimes he forgets to call me. Am I being unreasonable to think I should come first sometimes or how should I deal with this situation?

[Anonymous]

This hardly even sounds like a relationship anymore. Already it seems like you only see him one weekend every three weeks, which to me makes it hard to progress as a couple. You’re not spending time, making memories, he’s very detached and seems fine with that. Like you’d think since he sees you so little it would be his #1 priority spending time with his woman, but his actions show otherwise.
If I were you, that would hurt my feelings but it would also be such an eye opener. Mainly because you accommodate him so much in your life, trying to be a good, understanding partner yet these efforts just make you look taken for granted. Like I’m sure you aren’t very interested in hanging out with his friends or mom, but why not join in sometimes just for the sake of spending what little time you have together? It just sounds like such an unhappy relationship that you’ve stuck yourself in because somewhere along the line, you forgot you deserve more. If you remembered, you absolutely would not be in this.

[Asker]

I love to hangout with his mom and friends he just doesn't want to come home. I asked him last night if he still even liked me and he said he loved me but didn't want to come home because if he did he was gonna be lazy and sleep and he didn't want to do that anymore. I told him that is lame that we can go out and do stuff. Then he said what do you want me to do choose between my mom and you. I told him no I would never make him choose it just makes me feel horrible

[Opinion Owner]

What’s sad is that he knows you’re not asking him to choose, not between his mom, his friends or anyone. You just want to be part of it, and you’d think that since he sees you so little, it would be a priority to include you in his plans. Like he knows you drive, he knows you’re willing. I know this is hard, but there has to come a time where you take the love you have for him out of the equation and ask yourself as if you’re asking a loved one: “what am I getting from this?”. You aren’t spending time, even if you live together you aren’t seeing him and when you are, he’s sleepy, asleep, hungover, drunk. You are no longer getting that man who tried so hard in the beginning, who wanted to go out with you and do things. At some point his actions have to play a bigger part in your decision making than his words, otherwise that’s how he gets away with gaslighting you or being manipulative over situations he has no right to do those things with.

[Anonymous]

A mommy's boy?

That is never good.