Why are men so weird about dating?

[Anonymous]

I am recently single and after a hiatus decided to start going on dates but the experience I had has been horrible. Having been out of the dating pool for a few years I forgot what modern dating is like. I made it a mission to go on a 1st date with every guy who asks me (just trying to gauge the dating pool right now). This is what happened so far:

1. Met this guy organically whilst out with a friend in a bar, he proceeded to insist on crashing at our place as he got ‘locked out of his’ and also tried to kiss me even though I swerved multiple times, then he tried to grope me.

2. Went on a date with a guy I met in a festival, he was ok other than after the first date he tried to lure me into dating him by saying he will splurge on me and flaunting how much he spends. His following on IG was filled with OF girls and he overall seems to live a certain kind of lifestyle that wouldn’t work for me.

3. Date with a guy from a dating app. First date was ok but he kept things very shallow. Second date I noticed him trying to use various manipulative techniques to get me hooked. He even did the head to head press where he held contact for what seemed like 3 seconds of him counting backwards in his head. He also gave me his ring to keep whilst he is away for a week (literally second date, first being 45min long). Proceeded to use the push-pull method and negged me by saying things like ‘a pretty girl like you needs someone to ground her, otherwise you might get big headed’ (he is blocked now lol).

4. Just one date with guy off a dating app. Proceeds to tell me what he wants from dating would depend on how well the girl ranks in looks; 5-6 are for one night stands but someone like me would be eligible for a relationship [verbatim] (he was a 4 or a 5). Asks me how quickly I could meet his parents. Asks for a kiss on the lips and when I say no he says, ‘you’re not like those other wh*#es who give it up easy’ [verbatim].

What the actual? Is this what dating is like now?

[Anonymous]

Well you're quite the storyteller aren't. It makes me we kind of wonder if ANY you posted is not made up. Number 3. Was probably the least believable and I was going you the benefit of the doubt up till then.

Yes, this type of woman gentlemen is what the dating pool is like for men. And women wonder why so many guys have chosen to just check out, take thier ball and go home.

[Asker]

Why do you assume that?

[Asker]

I literally still have the ring in my bag. I don’t know why you would randomly doubt it? In fact I can’t even guess :/

[Asker]

Not a precious metal ring by the way, so I don’t think he’s losing much by not getting it back but he certainly figured he’d make an impact or something by giving it to me

[BarryLiverstone]

Sadly yes, and it may get worse from here. More and more people are falling into depression and anxiety, so they look for short term dopamine hits and are not into it for longer term relationships. They don’t want to put in the work to build trust and a real relationship.


What did you want when you went on the dates and did you ever feel a spark?

[CindyRuns]

All I can say... I read about your dating experiences and quickly thought about how great it is to be married to an awesome guy !!!

[Anonymous]

Why do women who are only capable of attracting shit men blame men for their failures rather than recognizing the common denominator in their dating experiences?

[Asker]

How can it be my fault if 1. I’m going on every date I’m asked on 2. Every girlfriend I ever had is having a much worse experience by far. If you want to give me tips on how to improve my experience then shoot. Currently I’m gauging the dating pool but when it comes to dating this is my criteria: 1. Stable job (salary not important but needs to be long term job, ideally respectable), 2. Good family background (ideally non divorced parents, like mine) 3. No previous marriages or bm 4. No criminal record 5. Attractive enough 6-7+ . I have never dated anyone outside this criteria but that doesn’t stop me from going on first dates with some horrible dudes. And still I have had some bad relationships because this still doesn’t filter everything.

[Opinion Owner]

All of what you wrote there was about the men. My comment was about YOU. What do YOU offer that justifies expecting the attention of a quality man, which is obviously what you expect. There are plenty of quality men out there, although by your age many of them have already been snapped up by quality women. I have three older sisters and all of them are marred to good men who meet all the requirements you laid out here. There are plenty in my circle of friends in the same boat.

The first sentence in your response to me is telling. If you want to get a quality man, be a quality woman. In my experience most women today don't even know what that means anymore.

[Asker]

I’m fairly attractive, I earn 6 figures, I am well travelled and speak multiple languages, I work out regularly, I know how to cook and clean, damn I even know how to do basic repairs, I am interested in self improvement etc.

Granted, the only conclusion that I could come to is to work on myself even more to maximise chances of matching with a man who I would see as a good partner (not that it is the primary goal but it’s the only option now)

But that doesn’t deflect from the point that from having been on dates, I find most guys are not up to standard. And I don’t mean for superficial sh%# (granted looks are important but I can ignore things like salary), I mean mostly personality and vision. From the dates I went on, I asked myself, if I stayed with this man would he be a positive addition to my life or would he run me into the ground emotionally, financially etc. and I haven’t been able to answer positively with any amount of confidence.

The couple of men that I genuinely was ever considering as long term partners ended up having more serious character flows that I don’t think would’ve withstood the test of time.

Mind you, from my female acquaintances and friends, I still have had the most positive experiences by far, and really BY FAR.

It is just likely that I would have to either date down massively or work on myself however much more I can to see if I attract a partner who is more of a match according to me.

[Opinion Owner]

You earn 6 figures. So what?

You're well travelled. So what?

You speak multiple languages. So what?

You know how to do basic repairs. So what?

Do you think men care a whit about those things when looking for a good woman? The answer is no.

I have stayed in touch with a lot of my friends from high school and earlier, and I see some very distinct patterns in how their lives are going. Most of the girls who had certain personality types and attitudes toward men, relationships and marriage are still single, and at their age they are beginning to get worried, and starting to become angry and bitter towards men. Most of the ones who had different personalities and attitudes are either married or in solid relationships, and some even have kids.

Look, I don't know you, but I have certainly gleaned some important pieces of information from what you've written here. It's clear to me that many of today's women have lost touch with what good men want in a woman. They measure their own value based on the same factors they use to measure a man's value. I'm here to tell you that men do not care about your income or education. They don't care about your travels. They don't care about whether you can fix a toaster. They DO care about your personality and character. They DO care about your attitudes toward men and relationships. They DO care about whether you have the right traits to be a good wife and mother.

[Bklynbadboy12]

Damn I feel so bad for you didn't know the dating scene was that bad. Did you eventually find a good guy