Am I right to downplay the “attention” I’ve gotten from guys I find attractive?

[Anonymous]

30F and I don’t think I’ll ever shake my core belief that any decently presentable lady has no prob finding a man, a pretty girl well forget about it. I’m very reserved, I’ve always been but was *friendlier* in my early twenties, now I’m borderline antisocial. I always blamed growing up overweight as the reason why I didn’t get attention from guys/wasn’t popular, I lost weight in my early twenties and have maintained my weight loss since (still slim thick). Again, this weight loss didn’t change the attention I got from guys & I was a bit more sociable back then.

I’m told I’m attractive (from all kinds of people for most of my life & not only family/friends) & the only times attractive guys take initiative are on dating apps. And apps are absolute trash as we know, guys I’d find attractive in person have never made it known to me directly. It’s always that RARE occasion where I think one is maybe making eye contact or someone I knew pointed out a guy was looking at me/word of mouth this or that guy found me attractive etc. Then on dating apps, I’d have guys that I initially considered *potential* eventually showing interest in me (asking out etc) after I got to know them a bit more and I just find a way to dip out.

Im so conflicted. I feel invisible & when a guy appeals to me in some way on a dating app (which should be taken with a grain of salt), I just can’t be bothered for whatever the reason is for me at that moment. It’s apathy/anxiety/self sabotage/confusion etc?

You should consider it

You shouldn’t consider it

[verknallt]

The real question is: do you want the attention or not?

If not, then just ignore it, but if yes, then you should at least give signals to those who give you attention.

And as a guy I can tell that most of us won't approach unless we were semi sure that the girl is also interested.

This is nowadays because lots of girls overestimate their attractiveness and they will basically reject anyone who is below decent looking. As a result, guys have become a lot more conservative when approaching a girl, and that's why I think you should give hints one way or another so the guy you like at least has the confidence to approach you.


Good luck and sorry for the long essay

[Anonymous]

I don't think it really matters. Only a fool would date you. Your old enough now that guys have wised up. Be happy if you can find a guy dumb enough to date you. Or just remain single. Choice is yours. Speaking for the male persuasion we don't care what you do.

[ProbablyClueless]

It seems like you feel like this thought process is causing you problems in life. If it's causing an issue, why wouldn't you look into changing it?

What you are describing sounds extremely self sabotaging.

[Anonymous]

Yes you're so much better than that you deserve a prince not some of a man.

[Danny_dan92]

You have your guard up