If I can’t keep a man’s attention or if they choose someone else does that mean I’m not attractive enough?

[Anonymous]

I can’t keep his attention …. I’m not chosen

[MrOracle]

It's possible, but not likely, that your looks are the reason.

I know nothing at all about you or him, so I have to generalize here, and not everything may apply to you or your situation, so it's going to be up to you to figure out what might be relevant and what isn't.

Let's first start with the man. Is he a Chad? In other words, is he handsome and popular and gets a ton of female attention? If so, he's only really interested in casual sex and won't commit to any woman, and nothing you do will change that.

There are three kinds of men: men who only want casual sex from women, men who want serious relationships with women, and men who want no relationship with woman. You will never get a relationship from the men in the first and third group, no matter what, no matter how much you might want them. They will not change.

So, we will now limit the discussion to "relationship men". Just as women have their standards for men, men also have standards for women. You probably assume those standards are all about looks, but that's not the case. Looks do matter to some extent, but most women who disqualify themselves aren't disqualified because of their looks - it's because of their morals and values and their attitude.

Men typically are looking for a woman who are the following:

• Young
• Innocent
• Chaste
• Feminine
• Family (rather than career) oriented
• Submissive
• Cooperative
• Friendly
• Respectful

What you won't find on that list are:

College education
Degrees
Career
Income
Status
Feminist
Activist
Entitled

These things either don't matter or are a turn-off to most relationship men.

Again, I don't know you or what might apply, so don't take anything personally. Figure out what might apply to you and make some adjustments, and your success rate should improve.

[DeGoma]

That is a massive generalisation on what men want in a woman and is totally archaic. You are effectively describing a simpering Trad wife? That may still appeal to some men of course, but it’s certainly not generically what all men want in my experience so far 😂

[MrOracle]

Of course it is a generalization - I said so right at the top.

I was also clear that the vast majority of RELATIONSHIP MEN (men who are actually seeking a serious, committed relationship) want a traditional wife with traditional values. That is absolutely true.

Sure, there are a lot of men out there who don't care about that, but those men are overwhelmingly NOT relationship men. They are men who don't intend to commit and don't plan for anything long term because they won't be around. They don't care about the woman's morals and values because they are only interested in short term casual sex.

You may have convinced yourself otherwise, but the data is definitely not on your side. It's the main reason that so many men aren't dating at all - there aren't enough traditional women and they refuse to seriously date "modern" Feminist women.

Maybe you have noticed that bars, clubs, and other "singles" places have been closing down? That's because 40% of men have stopped dating entirely, and it turns out that women don't like paying for their own drinks and appetizers.

[Makeushiver]

If you have attracted someone that is often based on visual attraction so its not likely that's it. If they grow distant later its could ber the same type of guy you are attracted to or, more likely, a lot of neediness and insecurity esp. when accompanied by whining, consttsnt need to be re-assured that he still wants you, or lack of interest in things that would make your personality deem one dimensional. If I had to guess and he may not even be aware what it s bugging him but don't ask him where he's been, why he hasn;t texted or talked to you, act as if you can't live w/o him. Those are characteristics that both genders dislike.
Act with confident, drop the "why vcan't I keep a boyfroend" shtick. If you go about your life you should be responsible for yourr own happiness it doesn't work and is counter-productive to make it seem you csn't libe w/o him. If he likes you, he likes you. If not, nothing you can do casn chsnge that. Doing some of the behaviors I've named above and similar ti that can make him not want to be around you but you vsn't do anything to make him like you.

[Nikki1989]

Ultimately, your value is not determined by whether a man wants to be with you. Your value is a product of your intelligence and your character.

[Flower7]

Very good advice.

[avery58]

No, maybe you're just not their type. We won't be everyone's type just find the person who likes you and whom you like.

[Asker]

For it to be every guy it must be

[avery58]

Maybe it's something in your personality that you could improve? What would you rate yourself on looks?

[Asker]

I’ve been called pretty but I think I’m a 4-6…. I would like some work done

[avery58]

Even gym helps improve our looks too, and finding the right styling for you. Just try to improve some things about yourself, for you first. And the right person will come along in time.

[Ariesman81]

@avery58

OMG... toxic femininity! You sound like the female version of Andrew Tate! How dare you not feed her delusions.

Kidding of course... solid advice!

[OlderAndWiser]

EVERY girl has guys break up with them. . . EVERY GIRL! Does that mean that NO girl is attractive enough?

Physical beauty attracts people together but it is not what keeps couples together. In 2017, I broke up with a woman to whom I was very attracted and with whom I had a satisfying physical relationship. She was self-centered and treated me like a low priority so I dumped her.

If you can't attract a man, maybe you should post a picture of how you normally appear when you meet guys. Maybe you are doing something that sends a wrong signal, such as "I'm not interested," or "I'm not available."

[Chazmatazz269]

Not at all. Contrary to what popular rhetoric suggests, men value much more about women than just a pretty face.
I would suggest that the most common mistake women make is being too subtle. Especially in this age, if a man persists with a woman from whom he is not receiving clear signs that she wants his attention and is invested in returning it, he can get into a lot of trouble. So, don’t play those 1950s wishy washy games with men’s minds. If you struggle with being vocal about what you need and want, as well as what you are offering in return, learn how to convey approachability. There’s plenty of information on that these days.
Sometimes he’s just not that into you. There’s good information on that too. It’s not the end of the world.

[ohsheeT]

No that means weather it's you or someone else he only cares about him self. And what he wants when an opportunity arrives

[genericname85]

your way of thinking is toxic, cause you're devaluing yourself. attraction is neither objective nor absolute. so maybe this particular man didn't find you attractive enough. that doesn't mean you're unattractive ingeneral. and maybe it wasn't even that but other reasons he chose to move on.

it's still a good idea to work on yourself and try to be more attractive "in your opinion". you should find a man who wants exactly what you are. what you should not do is try to become what a random man wants. cause that means you're trying to stop being yourself just so someone may like you.

[DonaldDarko]

It's hard to say, attractiveness is only part of it. You've got to have the right personality, that actually matters more. If you're not his type, he won't pay any attention. It's odd how people don't seem to know this. I can't count the times I've heard women complaining about some man who won't pay them attention. It's usually a pretty girl who just can't figure out why. It's simple, people have types.

[Flower7]

There’s a big chance that this has more to do with personality.

[McSteamy]

The spark losts after a certain period of time doesn't matter how beautiful or intelligent you are. People move on from us. It happens to everyone. Not just you. So don't blame yourself for others. Self love goes long way and it's totally harmless. People wants your attention when you love yourself and don't care about others. That's how it works.

[dragoblack]

There's a lot of missing context, but if you mean in dating, its either he's just not interested in you, you don't have anything to offer in a relationship, you are playing manipulation mindgames and he doesn't want to put up with it, our you're just not compatible enough with him.

[MattieEJxoxo]

Like literally totally NO !! If they’re like given attention initially, then it’s not really like to deal with physical attraction. There may be so many other factors that go into it, like the type of guys, expectations what you’re looking for, What they’re going through at that exact moment, what you’re going through at that moment etc. etc. - all of which can all intertwine.

[OneViewpoint]

Well yeah, it means you're not attractive enough to him. That doesn't mean you're not attractive in any absolute sense. Everyone judges beauty in their own way.

[MannMitAntworten]

This often has little to do with your level of attractiveness. More to do with you two just being two different people. If anything he only sticks around because you are attractive but this is likely where it ends for him.

[EmmaMary]

Perhaps you should allow him to give you a damn good fucking... Simples!

[Jennz6]

@EmmaMary
Nice reply lol

[Telekinetic-Potato]

If he didn't talk to you about it and nobody around you has any input, then it's not worth thinking about is it?

[exitseven]

Sometimes things don't work out. It is not anything wrong with you. Relationships are messy and awkward. To get two lives to coexist is a crapshoot.

[RavVid]

Men are fairly undemanding. We want girls to be nice and good looking enough.

If it is a generic problem, it indicates something is off.

[slatyb]

It means you aren't meeting the right men, and need to expand your dating pool.

[NoDecision]

Not necessarily. Maybe he communicates with her better or likes her personality more?

[Anonymous]

You need to find someone who views you as their number one desire.

[Asker]

Exactly but that’s never going to happen

[Opinion Owner]

You never know. Just remain hopeful.

[TallAnon]

No, initial attraction is about appearance, afterwards it's about the personalities of both people and the circumstances they are in.

[LiamJHayden]

Yes, but that does not necessarily mean not physically attractive enough. Maybe she just has interests that better match with his.

[Anonymous]

Why would you want someone who is not as attracted to you? Move on.

[jahaims]

That means you are choosing immature men or you don't have much to offer

[Staximus]

It's probably the way you interact with people

[Danny_dan92]

It means you’re either doing something wrong or you’re attracting the wrong guys

[qwerty2469]

An ugly woman that is interesting can pull a Brad Pitt. If you are average looking and can't keep a man... you are dull.

[Anonymous]

That or you have absolutely no personality whatsoever or you have nothing else to offer besides whats between your legs

[Anonymous]

Depends on what you look like, many men are visual.

[Slim57]

It means they're not into you that much just find someone who is

[Max36366]

I don't think it's because of ur looks. Maybe he is just a cheater or he wants more intimacy

[Shehnaz]

Men keep behaviour above beauty.

[Anonymous]

As compared to what? Him?

[Asker]

Other women

[Pohjolan]

Possibly or you just seem uninterested.

[Heaven999]

No (