If I attract not-so attractive guys, does that mean I'm not that attractive?

[Lyhra4]

I always had self esteem severe issues and extreme insecurity due to a past of abandonment and sexual traumas. I have been bullied during my adolescene which increased all my insecurity. As the time goes by I have noticed that a lot of guys approach me yes but they are rarely hot or cute, at least they are average. Only a few of them are hot. I know this sounds shallow but I want to know what's happening if I have something wrong, I'm not that pretty or if there's something I could change about it. I know rejection is normal but lately I've been feeling rejected so many times that it's really starting to hurt me. On the other hand there are a lot of people telling me I'm hot and pretty. I can't understand this

[Upallnight1456]

Self esteem issues can be tough to shake. You have publicly announced to the world you have endured things that some girls will never have to bear. You have acknowledged your past. You are strong. Your past doesn't dictate your future, or how you feel. I seemed to be less confident in middle school and didn't really become outgoing until 17-18 and I had some traumatic experiences but nothing like yours. That being said, the little things endured affected me for years, into my 20s. I believe all little girls are beautiful and capable and even as adult women they are deeply connected to their childhoods. Someone correct me if I'm wrong here. Girls blossom into who they want to be early on. During your childhood id say it didn't go as smooth. Its up to you, your surroundings and your family but mainly its up to you. If you choose to be happy, take care of yourself, find passion in life, and as a bonus you are kind and playful and as a double bonus physically attractive? Who wouldn't find that attractive, looks aside... I have no idea what you look like. However, you have observed the men trying to date you are not what you want. You deserve what you feel you desire, change something up... look in different places, be optimistic, you just haven't found the one. You'll know when you do, things will happen fast. If you find this helpful let me know and I do wish you find one you're looking for.

[Jabberjaw]

If you ONLY attract unattractive guys to you, then yes by and large that means you're not very attractive to the men that you want. And that could range from your looks to your personality traits

Some girls for example are physically attractive but are too masculine and masculine men don't want that so they're not attracted to her, but more feminine men are attracted and flock to her

That's actually pretty common. Girls who are a little bit more masculine to attract guys that are essentially looking for a mommy. The girl doesn't want to be mommy, but that's what she's putting out

[Jabberjaw]

Also keep in mind how much effort you put in. A guy by and large is going to pick a girl who is more eager over another girl that puts in no effort.

[Esperanto]

First of all, you must know if you are pretty or not, just look at a mirror. Second, if you are ugly, be thankful average guys approach you. If you are pretty and average guys approach you, maybe its a sign that you are a good person and treat everybody nicely and therefore average guys feel comfortable approaching you without worry of rejection. The fact that you worry about average guys approaching you, tells me you are a bit of a snob. All men become average looking after 40, so get with the intelligent working ones and forget about looks.

[ShadowMonarch]

First of all I'm sorry to hear about your past.
The thing is that we all have some number of insecurities about ourselves...
The issue here is that it doesn't only have to do with your physique or your beauty their could be another reason for that, maybe you have a small social circle. Ask yourself what could be the problem?

[Anonymous]

If guys are approaching you you’re likely attractive as unattractive people don’t get approached. Attractive guys don’t usually have to go out of their way and approach women. And even if they did, what do you have that all the other attractive women don’t?

[boggboss]

So u feel rejected because the guys u like don't apprich u so u do nothing but wait for people to speak to u yet u feel rejected?

[Lyhra4]

What should I do then? Go talk to them if they don't even approach me? If they don't do that in my interpretation is because they didn't find my interesting enough...

[boggboss]

If thats what u think fsir enough but what makes them want to talk to u iver other women

[Lyhra4]

That's my point, I think they don't find me interesting enough to want to even talk to me and I'm less pretty than the others

[boggboss]

Like at the end of the day I dont know what u consider attractive or not but if what u consider attractive won't approach u then you will have to approach them and find out

[boggboss]

U won't know unless u talk to them and find out if u only like whats considered good looking guys they tend to get a lot of attention from other women so why would they need to approach u

[Anonymous]

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Also most guys who are considered hot have lots of options and don't need to persue women.

[Anonymous]

probably means you are average