Can you still be friends with a date that didn't work out?

[red324]

All the dates I've been on it seems they didn't want anything to do with me after a date or two. I wonder if I missed an opportunity to at least make a few friends? It's not like I was attracted to them after only one or two dates, it's not going to hurt my feelings, but the thing that always did upset me was that it was a big waste of time talking and texting before the date to not even develope a friendship out of it.

[midnightmoon05]

I sure can and I know exactly how to use them for my self benefits… but I don’t… most good women don’t use their weapon of manipulations…

so these women did you a favorite.. for themselves as well so they can go find their mate…

on your end… put your energy on why you are not able to get to date 2,3,4… to become a couple

when you have a gold/purpose (to find a girlfriend./wife). It will help you better understand yourself and work on how to be a better date to get to the next date!

in terms of socializing … join activities, you’ll meet people.

from a woman - there is no true friendship between healthy adult male and female.

an example … I go out with my boyfriend. My long time best friend comes … the 3 of us out and she sees that i have a bf… she is happy for me and I am fine holding hands with my boyfriend/husnad

you and a woman became friends, she goes out shopping … cool, you tag along and she helps you dress to look cool… fun right? Somehow you are still not able to get a gf… she goes out with er new boyfriend. you dress up that outfit she picked out for you… she is holding hands with her new boyfriend. walking down the street… you are still at the same place… but prob not feeling so good still being alone. Why put yourself in such position.
go build up your confidence!!

[PeachyPie93]

That is most people even guys are like that.. for guys its like "If you don't want to fuck me then beat it".. That's why I don't bother with dating, I rather meet and become friends with people. Then if we actually like each other hopefully he will let me know, if not at least we are friends and can chill and go to fun places.

[Joshydavid25]

""If you don't want to fuck me then beat it"".
That's crude way to look at it.. For most people it's more like the goal was to date, not be friends, so naturally you would wanna walk away and not stay around for what will be mostly a mediocre "friendship" for the most part..

[red324]

@Joshydavid25 I don't see anything wrong with it. I had that mentality for years and guess what? I don't have a single female friend. A person still needs socialization.

[PeachyPie93]

@Joshydavid25 When I was on a dating app, there was a guy who talked to me for 2 weeks then he invited me on a date but wanted to hookup but I didn't want to so he cancelled and basically he deleted me.. so that is basically all it is.. I found out later he is a friend of a friend and I seen him once but never talked to him lol.

[red324]

I don't expect to hookup until maybe the 3rd or 4th date and even then I won't really push the subject if she's still going on dates with me.

[Joshydavid25]

@red324 Females friends are fine, but you don't necessarily need them, and this is coming from a guy with female friends. But if you want them, I don't think getting them through failed dates is the way to go. IMHO..

[Joshydavid25]

@PeachyPie93 I feel like that was more of him specifically wanting to tap that, and you not giving in, rather than going no contact and rejecting friendship after things not working out romantically..

[PeachyPie93]

@Joshydavid25 I messaged him a few times after because he never blocked me and I asked could we be friends, he said nah I have enough.. but if you wanna hookup you can hit me up anytime lol. That is how majority of guys online are.. you can't even get to know most of them. Since most guys only talk to woman for sexual reasons, not because they want to know you or be friends. Though there are a few who are alright.

[Joshydavid25]

Well yeah, majority of guys are lonely online are either lonely or horny, and with the way women show themselves off online, you can't really, you never really know who's a freak or not.. Not to mention too many guys are porn brained.. With all that said, his goal was smash, not to get in a relationship with you or the potential, meaning unfortunately he found you attractive just enough to only want that.. Most guys initiate contact with women because they find them attractive in some way, yes, and may in the back of their mind want to have sex with them.. But women also do the same.. Rarely does the opposite gender seek friendship out for the sake of making friends.. There's usually some underlying attraction there.. But all that to say, many people just don't wannabe hurt if they still have feelings for the person, especially if they were rejected..

[PeachyPie93]

@Joshydavid25 Yeah that is why I don't bother with that shit no more.. In real life the guy actually has to want to know you enough just to talk to you.. yet most don't have the balls so it saves time and energy.

[Joshydavid25]

Yeah, I may not fully agree with you, but I can definitely empathize with you. I know it's frustrating to want something more, just to get bamboozled by some horndogs time and time again.. So now you gotta be cautious and close yourself off in hopes that somebody good comes along.

[Joshydavid25]

But there are plenty of guys who want to find a nice girl as well and not just smash.. They usually get rejected and left in the dust..

[Purpleronnie]

I’m left thinking what could possibly have done for a woman to want “nothing” to do with you after a couple of dates 🧐 ?


Putting that aside though , yeah I think people can and do develop platonic relationships with folk that are not relationship material but if the point is in finding a relationship and you already have all the colleagues , friends and close friends you need then I’d agree there probably isn’t a need to pursue anything platonically

[red324]

Well maybe I shouldn't have worded it like that. I just meant I never heard anything back after the date or they didn't want a second date. I don't think it's unusual to not get a response after a date. Just the way it is these days

[Purpleronnie]

Ah ok , that explains it and I agree with you , it isn’t that uncommon from what I hear.

[red324]

Something tells me you've been married for a long time

[Purpleronnie]

Well I’m afraid that “something” would be incorrect 😂 but I can see how you arrived at that thought. I have never married. I also never blind-dated anyone , I wouldn’t waste my time or money doing that. I got to know women through social circles and work and only put myself out there when I knew I wanted to know them better or if they gave me similar signs but I still never thought of this as a date per say. I say if you can remove a person so easily from your view after a date then there likely wasn’t ever the chance of anything special to come from it in the first place.

[Joshydavid25]

Nah, unless we were dating for a while and the attraction fell off but I still cared for them, maybe then I would try, or if we were cool before then.. Obviously those women had their priorities straight.. They wanted to date, and it didn't work out so they moved on..

[red324]

One date isn't enough time to give a fair judgment of someone though n

[Joshydavid25]

I agree in terms of getting to know somebody..

[RingOfFire]

I've never had a date I didn't enjoy, but I've had lots of them where I found out I wasn't interested in more. I always have a good time on a date and try to make sure she does too. But most of the time I don't want a second date.

I'm not one who has been able to have "friendships" with women as there is usually too much tension trying to turn it into something more. But if you are able to have that kind of friendship and you enjoy a date but don't see them as relationship material I can't see any reason why a friendship couldn't develop if you are both agreeable to it.

[hahahmm]

Yes but you shouldn't because to women a male friend means somebody they can get free benefits from with zero reciprocation. You would just become a tool. A tool who is wasting time he could have used to improve his life or find a better partner.

You might as well ask if you can be friends with random homeless people who want you to buy them stuff. Yes, of course you can.

[red324]

Then you tell her boyfriends are supposed to buy her stuff. A friend can still have a backbone.

[hahahmm]

@red324 and then the fake friendship ends since you are no longer useful to her. Keep in mind we're talking about somebody you only know from a 1st date. Not somebody you grew up with and have known for 20+ years. Big difference. Although even then... there's always a motive on both sides! For example... most guys don't have fugly female friends, yet those guys claim not to want anything. Sure.

[red324]

Guys use each other too. A person's true intentions become known eventually. Male or female

[hahahmm]

It doesn't matter if 100% of men use dudes. What matters is if you are okay with being a tool or not. Also dudes don't need a lot of stuff women need like emotional support or expecting you to fund their life just because they look good. It's not the same thing at all.

[midnightmoon05]

Agree 💯 I’m a woman and a mom… I am teaching my teen daughter to not keep guys as friends. Classmates yes…

[hahahmm]

@midnightmoon05 Good idea.. and she would just be wasting time she could have used to find a better/right guy anyhow. I bet it's easier to find stalkers/weirdos when you have too many "friends" too.

[emeraldsaphire]

It's happened a couple times with women I've tried to date. Never men though. I'm not sure why.

I think when most people are dating they are only focusing on getting a new partner and not a friend. Also I think they might be afraid they will lead you on. So separation helps you. In both of my cases the women were bi-curious and decided they weren't bi. So I think that helps.

[Zack-Bann]

Nah bro it’s not a frame worth falling into


I get that making friends is crucial in life and I myself struggle at times to keep my social life vibrant


But a date that flames out is still someone who was potentially into you at one point and watching her find someone with whom the date does go well and have him run a train on her will leave you questioning your own inadequacies

[236color]

Well, I am, but there was 40 years in between when I didn't see her. The thing I discovered is, still like her. Knowing more about her now, I'm glad it didn't progress to marriage because that would have been a disaster. That said, she's a good person and I like her.

[ItsJill]

I guess it depends on how that date actually went. I have walked away from dates where the guy gave me the creeps, and there have been guys whom became great friendships even if they didn't work out.

[red324]

Well some of them say they want to be friends, but I can't ever get them to ha hang out again. That's just their polite way of rejecting me

[the_kisses_of_sun]

Why would you want to be friends with someone you wanted to date? You didn't go out with her to be friends. Your purpose was to date. If it doesn't work out, you move on. Cut off, no contact. That's why those women didn't want to do anything with you.

[the_kisses_of_sun]

My guy, it all depends on the purpose of meeting someone.

[slatyb]

Most people don't want to do that unless they were friends prior to the date. It's just too messy.

I did a lot of online dating. The obvious lesson for you is "Don't waste time talking and texting with someone you have never met."

[red324]

I learned that. I give them a week of texting before expecting a date. Some of them wanted to text for a month or two

[slatyb]

A week of texting. My process:
"Hey, I liked your profile... (specific reasons). Would you like to meet?"
"Tell me more..."
"(a bit more)..."
"Yes, I could meet you next Saturday at (time and place)"
"Great. That works for me. Text me at 999-999-9999 if your plans change. I'm looking forward to meeting you."

That's all. If a woman isn't ready to meet without a bunch of texting, then she's either not really interested in dating or she's not mature enough.

[CarolinaGirl5]

" they didn't want anything to do with me after a date or two.." is what you just said. Think about your question and what I have in quotations that you said. Put two and two together and think.

[red324]

Isn't that how it usually goes though? You both go separate ways and find someone else, but it seems like a waste in my opinion

[CarolinaGirl5]

I dont understand what you're trying to say but you said they wanted nothing to do with you. If they want nothing to do with you why would you even want them as a friend? Just move on

[ProbablyClueless]

I could be. I haven't met women who have any interest in that though. I think they have life experience with guys trying to do the whole "friends" thing as a way to sleep with them later.

[Kayleigh2005]

Nope, it’s like my guy friends waiting til I get drunk 😂 and had a break up

[Flower7]

It’s best to not try to stay friends after dating.

[WhitneySnow]

You can but both people have to be willing to do it

[LiamJHayden]

That is life. Not everyone we meet will be lovers, or friends.

[dragoblack]

Yes, it all depends on how it went and how you both parted

[CuriousMufuxka]

Yes I believe so if it wasn't a horrible first impression.

[KrakenAttackin]

Why would you want this?

[red324]

It just seems like an opportunity to expand your social life, not everyone goes out all the time and has tons of friends

[KrakenAttackin]

You will end up being one of her simps that pays for things and gets used as an emotional tampon.

[David5668]

Depends on how grown up you both are

[In_Trance]

Why would you want to?

[Slim57]

You can but I don't see the point

[Jmmmfi4]

HEEEEEEEELL NO

[ArnieC]

Sure