Can you ever stay "just friends" with someone you used to date?

[Pearl222]

[MrOracle]

Almost never. Do rare exceptions exist? Of course, but most of the time it's not the exception, it's the rule.

This is why relationships need to be taken seriously - you normally only get one try to get it right. You should be careful about who you choose and that you have focus far more on morals, values, and life goals (all things vital to long-term compatibility) than on shallow, surface level issues like looks, status, or income, because the former will determine if you can last, not the latter.

And women especially need to stop having any expectations that they can or will be "just friends" with a man. The vast majority of single men aren't interested in being "just friends" with a woman, because in those situations, the woman gets nearly everything they want at a significant cost to the man, but the man gets very little of what he wants and values. We all understand WHY women want male friends, but that's exactly why men don't want that. You can be "just friends" with a men who is already in a serious relationship, but we all know that you will never be his main focus and there will be significant limits on what he will do and how much time and energy he will give you, and most women don't like those limits, so they want their male friends to be single.

Far too many women have taken advantage of men by Friend Zoning them and then continued to take take take in that friendship that most men have caught on to the game and have walked away.

[Zack-Bann]

You can
But it’s a bad idea


Even if you ended on good terms.


Exes hold eachother back


It’s an open door or at least a cracked window into a past


If either one starts dating again the new partner will have to contend with that and no one deserves it.


I think exes should do each other the favor of staying away.

[Pearl222]

I agree, it’s not really an honest friendship…it’s kinder to let them go even if it ends on good terms.

[Noredcarpet]

I don't think it was a good idea, for me. I one time made the mistake at some time after I ended things with him, I thought he said we should part as friends but he meant we should be friends. ? Adding people we had a social life with wanted us to be friends. I did not want to have my ego think he still had feelings so I figured if he wanted to be friends he wanted that only, but my inner voice told me there was something wrong. I never called him or anything, but he would me, never flirt. I felt once again in my life pressured by what other people told me to put up with because of what would be right by them, they would have something to gain from it, instead of listening solo on myself. I could not take it. I told him and the rest I did not want to be friends. It took time, but then he revealed he had had feelings left for me al along. He had pretended he still wanted to be my friend. It made me feel just awful. There was feelings of quilt I had when I had ended things. I think that is what made me to agree to things I was insecure about if ir was really the right thing to do. I did not call, text or use him for anything.

[RandomGirl42]

Well, this prolly doesn't really count since it was back in high school and we didn't date all that long, maybe 6 months and then I realized I was lezzie and that was about the end of that relationship 🤣 (I didn't tell him that was why) But it ended on good terms and it hasn't been uncommon for me to run into him here and there in town and even an occasional party (small town) over the last few years and while we're certainly not best friends or anything we get along pretty good. I'd still go fishing with him for a day if he bought the beer.

[TonyMetal___86]

Does pookie poo buy you beer too? 🤣

[Finchie40]

Yes, but it’s unfortunately not a common thing, especially if one of you has deeper feelings for the other , it only works , if the both of you agree that the both of you are better off as friends , and the both of you see eye to eye on things , if not, then it will not work. Me personally is only friends/ mutual with a few of my exes, because we broke up on mutual agreements, and decided we were better off as friends’ over being romantic partners’, mainly because of the differences we had for each other , of basically wanting different things , that each other couldn’t give to each other , so we decided to just remain friends, instead of hating each other. Why honesty and respect is important in every relationship, because without that , you both will have nothing , you should never stay with someone that doesn’t see eye to eye with you , you will only be hurting yourself if you do so , so it’s best to be honest with yourself and honest to whoever it is that you are dating or interested in. instead of just appeasing them. because you think it’s the right thing to do , Some of my exes and I agreed we were better off as friends, because there were things we both didn’t like about each other , it doesn’t make you a bad person for being honest and admitting the differences you have with them. For example some people don’t look at intimacy as love , they look at it as just sex , me personally doesn’t want to be with a girl that looks at sex just as sex , I have sex with a girl because my intentions is for her and I to be closer together and to continue choosing each other , I can’t just have sex with a girl for the hell of it , but unfortunately there are people that can , you can blame my female child molester for that reason , I been getting trauma therapy and learning a lot about myself and learning about my actions and behaviors and the way i respond to some girls’ I am apparently a great boyfriend to have if she values loyalty and commitment , but girls’ that don’t think that way , I am not a good guy for them to be with. After I was molested I didn’t think it impacted me in anyway for a long ass time , until years later I came across an article about it , and it opened my eyes big time , because it explained my whole life to a T , which made my mouth drop. I started seeing a trauma counselor that has been helping me understand why I am the way that I am , and helping me cope with it , Most of our reactions and the way we handle things comes down to childhood trauma , that we don’t really think we have , that we tend to bury away in ourselves. because it’s things we try not try to make a big deal about , so we can cope , not realizing, it’s actually screwing up our coping mechanisms , I can’t speak for everyone, but this is things that I been learning about myself , so for me to want to be closer to a girl, I have to feel she wants me and values me , instead of just using me , if I feel she is using me , my body shuts down and my penis does as well, , I will not get an erection whatsoever , I don’t care how beautiful she is to me , if I sense she is using me , my body will shut down to protect myself from being used , like it’s a natural defense mechanism I have. My child molester taught me how to relax with her and taught me how to be with girls’ , but it’s crazy to say , she did teach me a lot. But through the years I always wondered why my guy friends’ could just have sex with a girl for the hell of it that just wanted to get laid , and why I couldn’t be that way , I have to feel a connection with her for me to even consider having sex with her , Married women and taken girls’ that cheat on their partners’ are girls’ that target me for whatever reason I have had sex with a lot of them through the years , because they make me feel wanted and valued , even though they are lying to me about their relationship status , My counselor told me I have a personality that girls’ are drawn to , I’m not saying I am the hottest guy on this planet , but my outgoing personality and the way I present myself draws in female attention, most times I am just being myself but she is taking it that I am flirting with her , when really I am just being polite. I’m not saying I get every girl , but I do receive a Lot of attention from them amazing of them , why my nickname is Finchie. lol. my friends’ gave me that nickname because girls’ would just approach me at a bar or a concert after hearing me talk and just grab my arm and pull me closer to them to kiss me , before another girl gets my attention. When I realized I was being considered a manwhore , which I am not in anyway , I learned to keep my mouth shut and keep to myself especially when I am in a real relationship with a girl , because I don’t want anything coming in between her and I , and don’t want her assuming I am cheating on her , i don’t get into relationships to be single , so I tend to keep my mouth shut around other girls’ to be respectful, because the times I didn’t keep my mouth shut , some girls’ didn’t care that I had a girlfriend whatsoever. I was married to the same girl for 20 years because I am a loyal guy , but unfortunately my wife became a selfish person once our kids’ got older , so now I am back in the market but I am being very picky this time around because I want love , not used

[Summeroflove]

The answer is yes it’s possible but that’s a case by case basis. Both for a individual as well as it can be different even for a single person depending on which person it was.

Look, some people are great people but at the end of the day you’re not compatible for a relationship like that. Maybe you still have a lot in common but maybe feelings never developed or went away possibly maybe there is compatibility issues. People are looking for different things…

Also, depends on how long ago. If you grew up together dated a few months in Jr. High and you’re now in your 30s ehhh…. you know that may be different then someone you just broke up witn.

[HawkPerception]

As most people are saying here... it's possible but I don't think it's a good idea. I personally can't do it. I wouldn't be able to stop thinking about the sex and how we were both physically intimate at one point. Seeing them with someone else (regardless of if I think me and them are a bad idea) would make me jealous. That's the way my mind works anyways. I can't speak for others.

[AviatorTom]

No. You will always wonder why you broke up and who she is seeing now, and why?

[OlderAndWiser]

Why would you even want to do that?

[Lliam]

Yes. I remained friends with two of my ex girlfriends. They were good people and we had the same circle of friends from high school.
I met the first one when I was 16 and she was 15. Donna was my first girlfriend. We were together for about a year. We remained friends after I moved on and she married one of my best friends a few years later. I stayed in touch with them for a long time. They had two baby girls but eventually moved away and we lost touch.
I heard they got divorced.
Years later, I reconnected with her on Facebook and we are still FB friends. She's a happy grandma now.

I lost touch with the other girlfriend I mentioned, Alice, in my early 20s when she moved.

There was another girlfriend I remained friends with. I met Petra when I was 36 and she was 30. We lived together for two years. I actually loved her with every fiber of my being and she loved me but, for reasons that are to complicated to explain, we couldn't have made it as life-long partners/husband and wife. When we separated it took me a year to pull myself together.
Years later, after I was married to my wonderful wife, Petra found me on Facebook and we reconnected. We even spoke on the phone a few times. The sound of her voice made my heart swell. She was living out of state and doing well. It was a joy just to be in touch as friends and hear what she was up to.
Five years later, I read that she had died from a sudden medical problem at the age of 55. My heart is still broken. She was an extraordinary woman.

[KBird]

I have, and he's one of my best friends. We realized that we aren't meant to be together in that way. He and I were both really young and just figuring life out when we started dating years ago. He was always attracted to me, and I him, but he never wanted to make a move or ruin our friendship, and frankly I wanted to be with someone who truly wanted to be with me. Over like 5 years of knowing each other he was always so wishy-washy with his feelings. I felt lead on and was ticked off with him for a period. But then we connected a few years later through a mutual friend group we had at the time. I wasn't interested in him romantically and vice versa, but I missed being friends with him. So we reconnected and have been best friends ever since. I love his girlfriend, and my boyfriend really likes him, and he knows about our past.

Do I think this is a common experience? No. But I it is possible if both parties are willing to put history aside and move on

[aaron13547]

Yea but we only if we both become different people. I can be friends with someone i use to date when I look at them like a friend and not someone I use to date. If I see them as someone I use to date first the no I can't be their friend. We both have to change almost become "new" friends. Rather then exs.

[glennos89]

Yes me and ex girlfriend lived together for 6 years and became very good plutonic friends. Is it easy?
No it's not easy especially not in the beginning after breakup.

Does it work in the long run?
Probably not because of jealousy reasons when you get into a new relationship

[RingOfFire]

I'm 70. I am in touch with a girl I dated in High School and she told me she still loves me. But she is married. I told her that I am willing to stay in touch with her as long as her husband knows about it and is okay with it and as long as the conversation stays only friendly.

It's not working the way I hoped so I am probably going to have to let it go. Don't want to hurt her feelings, but it is uncomfortable for me.

So even after many many years, these things might not work out.

[Anonymous]

I think if y'all mutually agree to breakup, but if the person who was blindsided isn't recovered yet then no. The other person asking to be friends right after the breakup period simmers down tell me that the other person cares more and the chances of the ex crossing the other person's boundaries are high. You were kissing me, holding me 2 months ago and now you mean that hi hello hug is just a thing you give to your friends. I wouldn't be able to feel the same.

[beenherebefore]

I never tried and I’m not interested. If I wasn’t good enough to remain as a girlfriend then I’m not good enough to be your friend either. I don’t think it makes sense to keep in touch with an ex unless you have kids together.

[Bitter_Sweet94]

Yes, it’s possible but not always easy.

It takes maturity, honesty, and clear boundaries.

Sometimes the feelings don’t fully fade, but if both have made peace with the past, friendship can work.

In the end, it’s less about can you, and more about are you both ready.

[SeriouslyNotSerious]

It depends. When I tried just being friends with my ex before, I am genuinely just being cool—but he would always talk me out of it. 😑 Like he kept reminiscing romantic moments, "Don't you miss us?" questions, and then would ask to date again, to go to this place again, stuffs like that. Lmao.

[sage2021]

It's not impossible, however, it's kinda backwards because you're supposed to start as friends first, not last.

It's a good idea at the end of a break up, but it seldom comes to fruition.

[ProbablyClueless]

I'm certainly open to the idea in theory. There would have to be some very strong boundaries. Mutual agreement. Probably some time to separate from the formation of a friendship and the end of the relationship.

I have yet to see it done well, but I have faith that I will find someone who has done it.

[Twalli]

It depends on why you no longer date. Let's say you live in different places, so it ended due to distance. Then friendship can be easy. Likewise, if you just grew apart and mutually decided that a relationship wasn't going to work, friendship can remain. It all depends on what happened to cause you to stop dating.

[kmg9150]

I can, i have with a few , the last one no, she had ulterior motives to how she wanted to interact afterwards…. Only one would still sleep with, even when the others were fresh splits, only one has real-estate in my head.

[fishcake_buttie]

Yes. if you want your potential life-partner to be constantly wondering whether you are cheating on him or that you only see sex as "something fun to do" and he may think that all he is to you.

[Kelley1]

Just friends, includes acquancies you see on occassions and get along with. That can include guys or girls you used to date. Likey they are not your best friends, but if you are friends challenged, they may be.

[Joshydavid25]

Most times you can't... Especially if you didn't start off as friends or the breakup wasn't because you two lost enough attraction to be friends.. Especially nowadays most breakups don't end well enough to remain any type of friends..

[HighValue]

It is a bad idea, and once in a new relationship, it would be disloyal to the new partner to be friends with an ex. I'd never accept a partner that remained friends or in contact with any ex. It is unacceptable.

[Crankor]

One or the other will always have hopes of something more again. But can you? Sure. Should you? I wouldn't say its a good idea.

[nothingtosee]

Only if we became NSA/friends with benefits. And if she was open to that, I would suggest we become swingers so we could explore partner sharing, threesomes, bi sex, and gang bangs.

[Nikki1989]

I am friends with all my exes except one. One man is the best male friend I have after my husband.

[Nikki1989]

Reading the comments on this thread is truly disturbing. I knew some folk are insecure and immature, but the pettiness on display here is unfortunate.

[whiskeyontherocks]

Tried with 2 of my ex’s once in high school once in me 20’s they both wanted to get back together later but I wasn’t interested at that point I started getting pressure from friends to give it a second shot it’s not worth it

[loveslongnails]

Sure you can, but 99% of the time, what's the point?

[MemeSupreme]

yeah but its different

like im on good terms with them and we've sent memes to each other, but i won't ever see them

[PeachyPie93]

Sure you can but I would not see a point to staying friends once I got a new partner their just isn't a point unless we have kids together.

[RavVid]

Yeah you can. You could hit off but just not in a sexual desire way. Tried for a while but the desire to fuck just wasn't there.

[lilBigPotato]

It depends on why and how the breakup happened but generally yes, at least with some time in-between

[slatyb]

I definitely can. There are a few women I dated who I wish I could still talk to.

[rachel776]

i would say i'm friendly with them but we don't really hang out or anything

[Flower7]

No, this is not possible. It is a very bad idea for someone to even attempt to do that.

[Tarifa]

Difficult, almost impossible. Unless both of you have no feelings for each other.

[Shiprex]

Nope. I'd prefer to have a clean break. Unresolved issues will fester

[genericname85]

sure. if you're over them and genuinely lost interest in pursuing sexual or romantic relations.

[jkreuger95]

You could, but i've never done it. Mostly just stop talking

[MikeTheBartender]

If she got really fat or ugly I could, otherwise probably not.

[exitseven]

I have never done it. I usually move on and never look back.

[Mangospacho]

For someone that was just a couple dates, I think that’s possible. But, for someone who was long term, probably not.

[Raaaappper]

Nope if I had feelings why would I torture myself and then they string me along and get to have an ego boost from me sticking around pining for them secretly

[Flower7]

Yes and also have to see them dating others…

[ABC1x1x]

Absolutely. I only puck awesome people. It didn't work out. Why would I throw them away for stupid shit like sex or emotional compatability?

[MrJuicyBred]

absolutely yes, but it doesn't always work out that way and its not always possible but no reason why you can't be civil unless there is some bad juju

[DishLady]

Depends how things ended.

[Anonymous]

I never actually had a date.

But if I were, I would probably be able to stay friends with her.

[Pterodon]

My best answer in my experience is sort of. It will never be what it was

[BeechImFabulous]

It's difficult and probably better not done.

[Anonymous]

Yes. But a lot of that will depend on them.

[NoDecision]

Date yes, married to, no!.

[FreyaRed]

I never tried

[Miristheiss]

I do not keep in contact with exes.

[Miristheiss]

PS - I never dated when that stay close with exes.

[DrPepper12]

Yes. This practice is common among adults.

[dudeinohio]

No way. Friends with an ex is a no no.

[nik_the_cur]

I think I could, but they couldn't

[nawtee_me]

Yes, it is a choice….

[blackeagle007]

Not me. Better off zero contact

[Kelly6]

@pearl222 yes it can happen

[khyalovee14]

Yes a lot of people do that

[Jmmmfi4]

I guess anything is possible