Is it ever okay to date a friends ex?

Ever since I broke up with my ex 2 years ago, I never thought I would ever love anyone again.
Recently I’ve been texting my friends ex a lot (him and I were friends before they broke up). We have great chemistry and can talk for hours. He sometimes even flirts with me. I’m starting to really like him.
i won’t date him now since the breakup was recent and my friend is still not over him. I’m just wondering if it would be an option a few months down the road.
  • No way
    Vote A
  • Sure. Why not
    Vote B
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Most Helpful Guy

  • JC, nice, so there it goes again, poaching ex's bro... there goes a perfectly good friendship destroyed by desires that are probably fleeting, you are destroying your friendship with ex, his friendship with the guy who's his friend that you're interested in and eventually both will hate you when it all falls apart, how about just finding someone new? Nah, just go mess up people's lives, drama is fun for women, enjoy! I don't sugar coat anything, like it, don't like it, I don't care, here to help, enjoy!

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    • I don’t think I’m going to go through with it from all the negative opinions I have received. Thanks for your feedback though

    • Yes, just trying to give you a honest response, it will save everyone hurt that everyone will regret when you all get older. Lust last moments, but resentment/regret lasts a lifetime. Cheers.

Most Helpful Girl

  • Fuck no. My friend just did that to me (he was my first boyfriend and now she has a thing with him). I’m pretending I don’t care because she’s still my friend and I want her to be happy, but I’m actually still pissed. Even though I am over my ex, I’m still upset because she told me she wouldn’t date him... But whatever, fuck fake friends. We barely talk anymore anyways. I say just ask her and see what she says (keep in mind she might lie because she wants you to be happy)... But if I had to say, I’d tell you not to do that. It’ll hurt her a lot and you may not stay friends. And considering you’re under 18, the relationship probably won’t last anyway, your friendship will. Keep that in mind.

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    • Just keep in mind you’ll probably be risking losing a friendship. Even when she is over him, it will still make her upset knowing you’re the one dating him... Because whenever she sees you two together she’ll be reminded of the time she spent with him. And whenever she sees you guys hanging out she’ll just be thinking about how YOU are dating HER ex... Really it’s a stupid situation. Honestly, unless you’re 17 or something, the relationship most likely won’t last. And like I already said, friendships last longer than relationships. So if you really feel like it’d go somewhere with this guy, and you really want to risk your friendship/her trust, then go for it. If not, then leave it. You’ll have many more opportunities in the future. Anyway, good luck to you !! xx

    • Thanks for the feedback. By the way I’m 16

    • No problem ! And ok, just make sure whatever you do both you and your friend are ok with it. If you really think the relationship will last, go for it. Anyway, best of luck !!

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Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 109

  • How would you feel if she was dating your ex?

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    • I wouldn’t really care unless I’m not over them

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    • If you move forward with this just expect to be NOT friends anymore with your friend.

    • @somewheresomeway That's the way it normally works. . . even if you ask and they give you permission.

  • I would say it's OK once she is over him, but you should make sure she is OK with it, too, while not allowing her a veto on it.

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  • So it really depends.

    1) how long did they date.
    2) how serious was it.
    3) where do you think the new relationship will go.
    4) what is the relationship status of your friend
    5) how long ago did they date.

    There are the questions to ask yourself. And go from there.

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    • They dated for around 3 months. In that time they mostly just talked. They were only able to see each other 3 times because it was long distance. The furthest they went was making out. They broke up last week. However I’m planning on waiting at least a month if I do anything with him. Right now my friend is single.
      I really don’t know where I want mine and his relationship to go. All I can say is that I love him and can’t picture him not in my life.

  • I didn't vote cause ur in a bridge. I can't because I don't know your friend. plus you're friendship is at risk. I guess I have to say don't risk your friendship and come clean with your friend. Tell her everything.

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    • My friend already knows I have a crush on him. We met him together on a trip and since the first time I saw him, i knew that I loved him.
      A week later, he ended up asking her out, so what could I do? I regret letting her date him so much

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    • Sounds like he liked her more than you and your the second place prize. Don't do that to yourself :-/

    • @hq thank you👊

  • First of all think about the relationship between you and your friend. If you fell as it's going to stay same after dating. Second thing what if he is good at flirting and stop caring about you later? Better you get to know about him completely and check with your friend before you go further.

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  • Just from experience, I would advise against it, but that's just advice. If you like him that much you may as well go for it.
    I have a mate who is dating one of my ex's and it really bothers me. It would maybe bother me less if he had bothered to talk to me about it though, but he never did. So like a lot of what other people are saying here, I'd recommend just talking to your friend about it before she suddenly finds out one day that you two are dating or something.

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  • If your friend doesn't care, then it shouldn't be a problem. That being said, I would still be wary because surely there'd have to be a reason why my friend would've broken up with her in the first place.

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    • The ex broke up with my friend

  • I think we guys have a bro code, never date your friends ex, that's a huge No, I doubt girls have a similar code...

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    • Girls have the same code too. I just really like him and am wondering if their was any circumstance in which him and I could be able to date in the future

    • If you like him that much, then my all means, I mean, now a days it's seems like it's hard to find people you really like. If you think he is worth it... yea.. but if you have any doubts...

  • really depends on ur relationship with ur friend and the guy. There's a lot more options how to on about this.
    So - sry not to vote but these r important situations. I hope u all (three) the best of happiness =)

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  • Definitely seek validation from your friend before trying anything. If the breakup was brutal I say no. If it was a normal or mutual breakup I feel like a true friend would let you date who you want.

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    • Thanks for your opinion. I don’t know the exact reason they broke up. It had something to do with my friend being selfish and only taking about her problems, not caring about his. I am not going to do anything now because she is still no over him, I’m just curious for the future

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    • People turn you down because your 13. I’ve dated before, but have never fucked anyone yet. Take your time, your still young

    • True but I've never even dated. sometimes I feel like I'm behind in life

  • Talk with your friend about it, see how she feels. If you do it behind her back, it's opening a can of worms that will backfire on you. Also, the three of you hanging out may be awkward too, no matter how much time passes.

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  • Why not... life is too short for this petty high school bull crap... and you seem like your in high school!! But yeah, if they have a problem then they are trash friends... I can careless if my friend dates my ex... as long as I’m done and over them, they can have them! They are an ex for a reason.

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  • Just wait for few time so that your friend could get out of it completely. Once its completely over you can date him. Its okay to date your friend's ex. If she is your really best friend then she can understand and will be happy with your relationship.

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  • I see no problem, just make sure he is over her completely or be comfortable knowing that he may not be and may have contact with her still. You gotta go in the water prepared to swim.

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    • Thanks for your concerns. I know that they are still in contact, but it’s completely platonic. He was the one to have broken up with her anyway. So I’m guessing he’s over her?

    • You'd be surprised, for all we know, he could have broken up with her cuz he wants to try you (pure assumption) for the worse, nonetheless, a possibility.

  • If they are on good terms & your friend has moved on, maybe.

    But your friend could be okay with it today & NOT okay with it next week so if you want to fo down this road just realize that you could lose your friend.

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  • NO. To me, friends are the most important thing ever in my life because my family's like shit not only after my Dad's passing but way before back then when I was a teenager. So yeah I would not hurt my friends' feelings by dating their exes. That's a big No-No.

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  • I was once that next guy. To me it was no problem, cause 'their' story was over. It caused no troubles between me and my male friend, although he was irritated at first. My (our) relationship went well. Did not last, though - but for unrelated reasons.

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  • Talk to your friend first. I used to have a friend that had dated 2 of my exes and I had zero problem with either of those. I had a problem when he knew I was trying to work things out with the third ex and the fact that he used our friendship as a means to get to her. Needless to say we are not nor will ever again be friends

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    • The facts of life right here. Sorry for you loss, but if some pussy was all it took to end it, then his friendship was never worth having. Not everybody will do that to you, so don't let it get you down or make you resent yourself for trusting him... F'k them.

    • Yea that was my thought, I'll freely give trust but only once, if it's valued it will never be broken or lost

    • Exactly right

  • I would make sure it's okay with them first, because I wouldn't risk a friendship like that unless I was in love with them. If it's love, real love, then no friend would stand in the way of that, but if it's not, then you should ask them first.

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  • If you care even slightly about your ex in anyway, you shouldn't. It's a hurtful thing to do, And is a violation of the bro code.

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    • It’s my friend’s ex. Not my ex’s friend

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What Girls Said 101

  • Honestly, depends on who you want more and how things ended. I see you're young, so you can't bank on your friend being mature about the situation. So, you have to be prepared that you may have to lose one of them or wait them out so long that she won't care.

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  • Very classy. How long has it been since they broke up?

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  • I don't think so... will be uncomfortable for the three of you...

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  • Yes, if the two individuals are comfortable with that.

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  • There is another negative point to it, usually the exes r out of the picture but in this case ur friend will always be in the picture one way or another and the guy always have the opportunity to compare or a reason to remember their old memories!

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    • My friend and her ex are still friends. They talk regularly even after their breakup

    • Even worse! I wouldn’t date the guy!

  • One, depends on how close you and the friend are? Two, as long as the two of you are honest and talk to her first it should work itself out. If she's your BFF, you really should let her know that you two are communicating because if she finds out from him or someone else or in any other way she's going to feel betrayed by you.

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    • She already knows we still text. When she told me they broke up, she said it was fine if we continue texting. A bunch of her other friends also text him.

    • Well she'll probably be ok with you two getting together, just give her more time.

  • I personally feel, you watched your friend cry for him. You watched as she loved him, so personally to me I wouldn't be okay with doing that. Even if she says cool with it, it will really strain your friendship. Its always gonna be like you're choosing him over her.

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  • Are you fucking kidding me? Girl hear this from another girl !!! This can go so many ways
    1. He would honestly love you
    2. If he’s obsessed with your friend , he would use you to know what she’s doing
    3. He just wannna fuck her best friend (you) to show who’s boss...
    4. If the reason they broke up was his fault , he might do it AGAIN

    SO THING FROM YOUR BRAIN NO OFFENCE

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  • I personally feel it all depends on the break up and your friendship with your friend as well as her feelings towards you dating someone who she had history with. An ex I dated was actually an ex of a good friend of mine who actually gave me the green light once she took notice that her ex and I were developing chemistry between one another.

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  • Yeah! If you like him why not? To be fair my ex ghosted me and cheated on me. And I’m dating an amazing guy that happens to be my ex’s friend. If you want to date someone then date them!

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    • If my friend is still into him, and I start dating him, it might destroy mine and her relationship

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    • I do too. I just want to know if I would be a terrible person to ask my friend if I could date her ex or not. I won’t do it behind her back or anything of course.

    • Ohhhh kk, well what do you want to do?

  • Only if your friend gives you permission first. Even then, it could still go wrong. I dated an ex's best friend after a break up. The ex gave his blessing and then proceeded to pitch a fit witin a week causing us to break up. The funny thing is that the ex and I broke up, because he was flirting with my best friend too much and always on the phone with her and hanging out with her! It just depends on who you are dealing with. If you like him that much, I would try for it though.

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  • You could talk to your friend about it and ask her to be completely honest, if she says she’s completely fine with it then sure. But i know I wouldn’t like my friend to date my ex, it would hurt even though I’m mostly over him. So it just depends how she is as a person and if she’s completely over him.

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  • but like how close are you to your friend?

    cause if you're really close to her and you truthfully tell her whats going on, it could work! its better to let her know than to keep her out of it yknow? if theyve been broken up for a while, then there's really no reason as to why you shouldn't pursue him. talk to her, tell her how you feel. she'll appreciate you being honest with her and coming to her first.

    besides, what friend doesn't want her friends to be happy? is she a true friend?

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  • first you'd definitely have to check with the friend who's ex it is, because it might make them feel uncomfortable. if they say yes, then sure, go for it.

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  • Since you wwre friends I think that it's understandable. I think you should kind of weigh the two situations. Him versus your friend. You might loose a friend, is what I'm saying. But if he's worth it for you then that's fine

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  • Well you have to take into account who broke up with who. If he broke up with her than that would kinda be against girl code (unless you asked her for permission) but if she broke up with him than he's all yours. Also you were friends with him first before being friends with his now ex. So i would say take your time and go for it if the opportunity arises

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  • No.. I just try to refrain myself from doing that. Plus there are so many guys out there. Why to even think about someone who is remotely related to my ex?

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    • To clarify, it’s my friends ex boyfriend. Not my ex boyfriends friend.
      And I’m not the most likeable person. So yah, there might be another 4 billion guys out there. I doubt a single one of them will ever like me and none of them will be like him

    • Dude.. you are young and its certain to even have these kind of thoughts. I would just say this never belittle yourself cause people will never miss an opportunity to do so. Always walk with your head high. Likeable or not.. who cares.. what matters is that you should be true to yourself. This is what I have learned so far in my life.

    • So your willing to chose a guy over your friendship? Because you think your not that likable in the first place? You really won't be likable if you face your "friends" ex that she still has feeling for. You should be loyal to her first. He could just be using you to get back at her if you don't even know why they broke up

  • Honestly, I think that the choice is up to your ex. I wouldn't want to ruin their friendship, if I were you.

    Actually, my boyfriend is the bestfriend of one of my ex-boyfriends. The difference to your situation is though that I'm still pretty good friends with my ex since years and he was even the one to encourage his bestfriend to hit on me.

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  • Its an age old rule that you never date your friend's ex, but i have never agreed with it. Its a discussion you and your friend need to have.

    Be prepared to lose her if you do.

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  • I say go for it! Because even if the breakup hurt I would still want my ex to be happy and if that happened to be one of my friends then so be it. But maybe depends on how the breakup ended?

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