Is it ever okay to date a friends ex?

Question

Ever since I broke up with my ex 2 years ago, I never thought I would ever love anyone again.
Recently I’ve been texting my friends ex a lot (him and I were friends before they broke up). We have great chemistry and can talk for hours. He sometimes even flirts with me. I’m starting to really like him.
i won’t date him now since the breakup was recent and my friend is still not over him. I’m just wondering if it would be an option a few months down the road.

LegendsUnite · Accepted Answer

how would you feel if it ever happened to you? are you really close with your friend?

i recently had this issue a few months ago.. me and my ex girlfriend were together for a while we split up decided to be friends. we trust and respect each other. few months later my best friend told me he was about to be dating my ex girlfriend he wanted to know if that was okay to me?
i was like yes i dont mind i trust and respect them both. im glad they got together because the chemistry and they are into the same things! im happy for both of them.

but truly i don't like it when it happens to me.

but hey you live life once. you gotta take chances and risks to be happy in life.
if she is your true friend? she will be your friend and loyal to you no matter what.

2Real4U · Accepted Answer

JC, nice, so there it goes again, poaching ex's bro... there goes a perfectly good friendship destroyed by desires that are probably fleeting, you are destroying your friendship with ex, his friendship with the guy who's his friend that you're interested in and eventually both will hate you when it all falls apart, how about just finding someone new? Nah, just go mess up people's lives, drama is fun for women, enjoy! I don't sugar coat anything, like it, don't like it, I don't care, here to help, enjoy!

unwriitten · Accepted Answer

If you really want to date him I think you should wait it out, till the storm calms down a bit, it’s life it happens, okay yeah he wasn’t the one for her but what if he’s the one for you? I think you should wait it out till she’s over it and let her know that’s what’s up, she may be hurt but it gets like that sometimes, chemistry isn’t something you get with everyone so if you have it, grab it and run. Your friend might be mad at you for a while but if she’s mature she’ll get over it and she’ll understand, wait until you’re 110% sure that that’s what you want to do and then tell her, it all sounds very fresh and you don’t want to announce it to your friend prematurely only for it to flop, I say if you really like him, go get your man boo 😂 x

share_some_lean · Accepted Answer

Fuck no. My friend just did that to me (he was my first boyfriend and now she has a thing with him). I’m pretending I don’t care because she’s still my friend and I want her to be happy, but I’m actually still pissed. Even though I am over my ex, I’m still upset because she told me she wouldn’t date him... But whatever, fuck fake friends. We barely talk anymore anyways. I say just ask her and see what she says (keep in mind she might lie because she wants you to be happy)... But if I had to say, I’d tell you not to do that. It’ll hurt her a lot and you may not stay friends. And considering you’re under 18, the relationship probably won’t last anyway, your friendship will. Keep that in mind.

hq1391 · Accepted Answer

At the end of the day people come and go. you should do what makes you happy. However if the roles were reversed how would you feel if you were her? I personally wouldn't do it. Your guaranteed to lose a friendship even if she says it's ok. Its really not a good show of loyalty. How much do you value your friendship? Were you and her friends first? Things to think about. Either be up front with her if you want to move past friendship with this guy or back off him completely. But if you decide to get with the guy you have to tell her before you make your move no ifs ands or buts.

ChronicThinker · Accepted Answer

Honestly, depends on who you want more and how things ended. I see you're young, so you can't bank on your friend being mature about the situation. So, you have to be prepared that you may have to lose one of them or wait them out so long that she won't care.

Logorithim · Answer

I would say it's OK once she is over him, but you should make sure she is OK with it, too, while not allowing her a veto on it.

OlderAndWiser · Answer

How would you feel if she was dating your ex?

PrincessPie · Answer

Yes, if the two individuals are comfortable with that.

PinkChampagne · Answer

I don't think so... will be uncomfortable for the three of you...

Account · Answer

Very classy. How long has it been since they broke up?

MochiKM · Answer

Honestly, you'll only regret the chances you never took and not being adventurous or taking risks will only leave you with the curiosity for life. With that "What could've been" so I say go ahead and don't be afraid of your feelings. That "don't date your friends ex" girl rule is bs to me.. I understand but like no, they've broken up. Give him and your friend time and talk to your friend about it. Only to allow her to be aware of your feelings so she's sees you respect her as well... Those are my thoughts :) good luck BB♥

vincjh · Answer

Personally, no. If you believe there are other options now or in the future, don't. You risk losing your friend over this boy. If you're willing then sure. At the end of day, it's always bros over hoes and chicks over dicks.

I believe someone is always out there so to risk a reputation as a "boyfriend rebounder" or "backstabber" I wouldn't. The only option would be maybe wait a year if you can. Even then, if your friend still hasn't gotten over him, trouble still can stir.

I hope you find what you are looking for. Happiness is important and I'm glad you found him but it's my job to remind you of reality. All the best! Everything you wish for, I wish for you too.

SO7IW · Answer

That thing should be between the three of you. Our opinions shouldn't matter to much for you. My advice is to talk weather is ok or not, and when do do that in general and in particular case. Whatever you agree upon will be the best decision. I know cases where someone is ok with that and have only one or few exceptions. You should consider that. Or maybe is not ok but in this case you can make it work. Sometimes talking openly with someone who is really good friend and have ear for you, and vise versa, can really solve a lot of problems

Hal2002 · Answer

Just because a friend dated someone before you, does not mean that you can't date them. But there is a time factor involved, trying to date a friends ex 3 to 6 months after they broke up is playing it a bit close. But 9 months to a year after a friend breaks up, is fine. I personally have about a 2 year time frame myself, I will not start thinking about dating a friends ex unless they have been apart for about 18 months. With a family members ex, it would be 5 years.

Just be smart about it, don't hide the fact that you are now dating their ex. But don't go to places they did if you can help it, and don't go places where you are likely to run into your friend when together.

I know a few stupid people that have made drama out of a friend dating one of their ex's, even thought they are with someone else and it is years after they dated that person. Just because a friend dated someone, that does not mean that they have a say in if you can date that person.

MattMcCoy · Answer

That's your decision just be prepared for the consequences. I was in the same position once a good friend of mine broke up with his girlfriend or she did him and what sucks is I would hear how much he liked her knowing she was flirting with me and they were broke up with each other awhile. She went out of her way to do things for me and really was an amazing girl. I decided to break it off not only hurting/pissing her off {of course though she understood why} but pissed my friend off that I would even talk to her. Till this day he thinks I had sex with her smh. Just be prepared for a shit storm if you do honestly I know it's weird but ask her. It depends how much she liked him

Bellydancer83 · Answer

You know What, in 20 years from now your freind will probably be with someone else. Ok if she was hurt and it's right away I'd say leave it alone. But in time after hearts are healed etc , id ask her how shed feel about it maybe. But if she's a mature person she should say ya dude go for it. What if your freindship was the whole reason you met this guy who could be your soulmate? Just gonna say no? No way man. People need to quit this controlling behaviour. Give it time , bring it up, do what your heart tells you.

crazy469 · Answer

A good friend remain forever but a boyfriend remain just for few times. You are under 18 so i think that your relationship will not be forever even you have chemistry. It will come the time that everyone want to make their experience.
I think that the most important thing is to speak with your friend and say everything even what you feel. In this way you will never loose a good friend cause you was honnest. If the friend dont agree just dont speak anymore with that guy. The life is long and you will meet tons of guys in your life.

Kaylathefaerie · Answer

It's nothing bad, but I don't think you can count on keeping your friend unless you are all mature enough to handle it. When I dated my friend's ex, for instance, she stopped acknowledging my very existence. I thought it was stupid and childish because she was the one who cheated on him, broke up with him on Valentine's day, and then laughed at him in his face, loud enough for the whole schoolyard to hear, when he tried to get her back with flowers. She obviously displayed she didn't give a shit about his feelings anymore, and yet got pissed when he finally had the guts to risk his love with someone else. Yeah I know, why was I friends with her? Because she was cool with me and I never saw her evil side before then. So it didn't really work out and we never talked again, BUT I have now been dating my sugar apple for four years c:

Astralholder · Answer

I think context is important here. Just as you said, the breakup with your friend was recent, and here he is flirting with her friend. All in all, relationships are only as complicated as the values people hold and how they conflict with one another. However, you are still entitled to your own feelings and interest and in all fairness you should judge this man by your own values and experience with him. Contrary to this, and I know it may sound hypocritical, but if you trust your friend's thoughts, feelings, intentions, and opinions and she tries to warn you without being too biased... Then you should take what she tells you into account.

KpopArmy · Answer

I would say go for it if you guys knew each other before but don't ask ur friend and verify that he likes you and explain to ur friend that you like and you wanna date and if she's okay with it than continue to talk to him but test her how she would feel about it and also it's not ur fault for falling in love with him. Your heart chooses the person. For example you could say that you like Kyle but your heart actually likes Peter noatter how much u try to fool ur brain about who u like your heart will always know who you really like. You can be friends your friendship could be harmed but if you really like him think this what's more important a boy u like right now or a life long friendship there are a lot of boys in the world you never know which one you'll love

kisses_peaches88 · Answer

I had a similar situation happen. A friend of mine was seeing a guy I had always had a thing for and when they broke up after 6 months together, I asked if it would be alright for him and I to try dating. She originally said she didn't mind, and he and I went on a few dates. Low and behold, she was secretly hating me for having a relationship with this guy after her, and we never were friends afterwards. The relationship between him and I fizzled out too, so I lost a good friend but gained insight: DON'T DATE FRIENDS EXES!!!

Kenni · Answer

As you said. wait for her to be COMPLETELY over him ( not the "yeah I'm over him, while she still goes to bed thinking about him" over him); and it can take a long time. If you can hold it in for that long.
And then tell her, if you really want to keep her, cause if not, then of course screw it and go fuck his brains out.
But it'll be easier for her to take it in and to understand when she's over him. Cause if you tell her now...
It'll be more like " you hid things from me, you were waiting for this to happen all along, I bet you two conspired behind me, you must be so happy we broke up" etc etc etc. So it's basically useless to tell her now.
And do not make the mistake of doing something with him and hiding it from her.
Once again that is if you care about your friendship, cause if not, once again, screw it 😂

happyhippo · Answer

You should wait at least three months after the break up to do that. Also you should take in count that she might not get over him for a much longer time and even when she's over him, she might not like it if you date him. But on the other side I don't think you shouldn't try. First see whether you still have feelings for the guy after some time has passed and then if you feel like it, go for it. Possibly you could keep it a secret from her for a while, but I wouldn't recommend that, since she might not be pleased with learning about it afterwards. Anyway, what I'm trying to say is you can date him, if you want it.

dreams1310 · Answer

I personally feel, you watched your friend cry for him. You watched as she loved him, so personally to me I wouldn't be okay with doing that. Even if she says cool with it, it will really strain your friendship. Its always gonna be like you're choosing him over her.

Hellway · Answer

Just wait for few time so that your friend could get out of it completely. Once its completely over you can date him. Its okay to date your friend's ex. If she is your really best friend then she can understand and will be happy with your relationship.

GenericUsername1066 · Answer

Just from experience, I would advise against it, but that's just advice. If you like him that much you may as well go for it.
I have a mate who is dating one of my ex's and it really bothers me. It would maybe bother me less if he had bothered to talk to me about it though, but he never did. So like a lot of what other people are saying here, I'd recommend just talking to your friend about it before she suddenly finds out one day that you two are dating or something.

Anonymous · Answer

Mostly no, cause you don't touch the guy of your friends, even if they only used to text, like thats our rule but yes it can be okay, if you are being clear about it with your friend and ask them kinda for permission, if your friend is totally over and she and her ex would still be in a friendly manner and she 100000% wouldn't bother, you can try. Honesty ist very important, you and your friend can not lie about what you guys want and she must be honest about if she is totally over and oke with you both dating

Manu520 · Answer

First of all think about the relationship between you and your friend. If you fell as it's going to stay same after dating. Second thing what if he is good at flirting and stop caring about you later? Better you get to know about him completely and check with your friend before you go further.

Moonchild714 · Answer

One, depends on how close you and the friend are? Two, as long as the two of you are honest and talk to her first it should work itself out. If she's your BFF, you really should let her know that you two are communicating because if she finds out from him or someone else or in any other way she's going to feel betrayed by you.

Dechori1234 · Answer

Are you fucking kidding me? Girl hear this from another girl !!! This can go so many ways
1. He would honestly love you
2. If he’s obsessed with your friend , he would use you to know what she’s doing
3. He just wannna fuck her best friend (you) to show who’s boss...
4. If the reason they broke up was his fault , he might do it AGAIN

SO THING FROM YOUR BRAIN NO OFFENCE

SongBird3 · Answer

Well you have to take into account who broke up with who. If he broke up with her than that would kinda be against girl code (unless you asked her for permission) but if she broke up with him than he's all yours. Also you were friends with him first before being friends with his now ex. So i would say take your time and go for it if the opportunity arises

aicarg · Answer

I personally feel it all depends on the break up and your friendship with your friend as well as her feelings towards you dating someone who she had history with. An ex I dated was actually an ex of a good friend of mine who actually gave me the green light once she took notice that her ex and I were developing chemistry between one another.

TrunksSS34U2003 · Answer

I think it can work and I see that because I'm currently in a relationship with my best friend's ex-husband and they are divorced for 5 years now so as long as the other two are and good relations with each other like on friendly terms and everybody's okay with it I don't see why it wouldn't work communication is key

melissa_tcmt · Answer

but like how close are you to your friend?

cause if you're really close to her and you truthfully tell her whats going on, it could work! its better to let her know than to keep her out of it yknow? if theyve been broken up for a while, then there's really no reason as to why you shouldn't pursue him. talk to her, tell her how you feel. she'll appreciate you being honest with her and coming to her first.

besides, what friend doesn't want her friends to be happy? is she a true friend?

wolfcat87 · Answer

Only if your friend gives you permission first. Even then, it could still go wrong. I dated an ex's best friend after a break up. The ex gave his blessing and then proceeded to pitch a fit witin a week causing us to break up. The funny thing is that the ex and I broke up, because he was flirting with my best friend too much and always on the phone with her and hanging out with her! It just depends on who you are dealing with. If you like him that much, I would try for it though.

Appless · Answer

You could talk to your friend about it and ask her to be completely honest, if she says she’s completely fine with it then sure. But i know I wouldn’t like my friend to date my ex, it would hurt even though I’m mostly over him. So it just depends how she is as a person and if she’s completely over him.

Hurlyburly · Answer

Honestly, I think that the choice is up to your ex. I wouldn't want to ruin their friendship, if I were you.

Actually, my boyfriend is the bestfriend of one of my ex-boyfriends. The difference to your situation is though that I'm still pretty good friends with my ex since years and he was even the one to encourage his bestfriend to hit on me.

ShrewdRose · Answer

If she's not over them it's definitely going to create conflict so I'd consider holding off unless you believe value of the potential relationship to be higher than your friendship, waiting several months runs the risk of the guy meeting someone else after all. I've been in this situation myself and it's not an easy one so you really do have to ask yourself is he worth losing a friend over?

NatePsychologyMajor · Answer

My question is why did you friend and her ex break up in the first place. Who was at fault. If it was him, would he do the same to you. Would you lose a friend, who is more important, your friend or her ex. I personally would never date a friends ex. There is to much history between the two, and it maybe drama that i do no want a piece of. My friends are my other family. We have been to war and back, no one can break our bond but us.

Good luck

Arcano · Answer

I really don't think it's a good idea. There are probably situations and circumstances where it would be fine, where the friend would be fine with it, but rare. If my boyfriend and I ever broke up (I hope never, I love him), and a friend tried to get with him even years later, it would really hurt me and I'd feel betrayed.

GinaTina · Answer

B and S and I were all friends, but they were dating. B cheated on S with Z so they broke up. S and I started talking, and B started dating Z, meanwhile, S and I formally started dating. After some time, Z cheated on B. After that, S cheated on me with B. Long story short, he cheated on me with his ex, which used to be my friend.

Solias · Answer

Talk to your friend first. I used to have a friend that had dated 2 of my exes and I had zero problem with either of those. I had a problem when he knew I was trying to work things out with the third ex and the fact that he used our friendship as a means to get to her. Needless to say we are not nor will ever again be friends

milankae_ · Answer

Me and my best friend swopped girlfriends but inorder for that to happen you need to know both sides I'd say your best friend would probably have noticed you like him if you really did... But by all means as long as you confront your best friend before it and not when she is still hurt about it

motownplayer2000 · Answer

Why not... life is too short for this petty high school bull crap... and you seem like your in high school!! But yeah, if they have a problem then they are trash friends... I can careless if my friend dates my ex... as long as I’m done and over them, they can have them! They are an ex for a reason.

andreasderjuengere · Answer

I was once that next guy. To me it was no problem, cause 'their' story was over. It caused no troubles between me and my male friend, although he was irritated at first. My (our) relationship went well. Did not last, though - but for unrelated reasons.

Anonymous · Answer

I'd say be prepared to ruin your friendship. I made this mistake myself. I dated a friends ex. They had been broken up for three years. THREE YEARS. And they had only dated for about four months. So I thought it was no big deal. I was wrong. And lost my friend in the process. I'd say a strong no. Have some loyalty.

Mikey_Ramone · Answer

NO. To me, friends are the most important thing ever in my life because my family's like shit not only after my Dad's passing but way before back then when I was a teenager. So yeah I would not hurt my friends' feelings by dating their exes. That's a big No-No.

bentest730 · Answer

So it really depends.

1) how long did they date.
2) how serious was it.
3) where do you think the new relationship will go.
4) what is the relationship status of your friend
5) how long ago did they date.

There are the questions to ask yourself. And go from there.

Princessmuse · Answer

There is another negative point to it, usually the exes r out of the picture but in this case ur friend will always be in the picture one way or another and the guy always have the opportunity to compare or a reason to remember their old memories!

MMarina · Answer

Since you wwre friends I think that it's understandable. I think you should kind of weigh the two situations. Him versus your friend. You might loose a friend, is what I'm saying. But if he's worth it for you then that's fine

hansukota · Answer

I didn't vote cause ur in a bridge. I can't because I don't know your friend. plus you're friendship is at risk. I guess I have to say don't risk your friendship and come clean with your friend. Tell her everything.

hahahmm · Answer

If they are on good terms & your friend has moved on, maybe.

But your friend could be okay with it today & NOT okay with it next week so if you want to fo down this road just realize that you could lose your friend.

Anonymous · Answer

I would say if you can't help yourself and just absolutely must date him at least ask your friend for her blessings, BUT you said she isn't over him yet. On the other hand it's usually not even worth it because most relationships don't even last so if it'll ruin your relationship just leave him alone at lease for a couple years lol.

greycadillacs · Answer

Talk with your friend about it, see how she feels. If you do it behind her back, it's opening a can of worms that will backfire on you. Also, the three of you hanging out may be awkward too, no matter how much time passes.

MagganM · Answer

Its an age old rule that you never date your friend's ex, but i have never agreed with it. Its a discussion you and your friend need to have. Be prepared to lose her if you do.

Tonga · Answer

Yeah! If you like him why not? To be fair my ex ghosted me and cheated on me. And I’m dating an amazing guy that happens to be my ex’s friend. If you want to date someone then date them!

unbrandedsouls · Answer

first you'd definitely have to check with the friend who's ex it is, because it might make them feel uncomfortable. if they say yes, then sure, go for it.

GuysConfuseMeMan · Answer

Maybe if you had a really serious conversation with the both of them separately, but it's not something I'd do personally. It could ruin your friendship, and if you and him don't work out, you'll lose him too.

HunterTheHunted69 · Answer

Wait 2 months, ask your friend how he would feel, regardless of his response have at it. More than enough time should have passed for him to have gotten over it. If you need to get your dick wet, do what you have to do.

SarahsSummer · Answer

It’s an easier option in the real world. outside of the vacuum of high school.
In your situation, it’ll invariably affect the relationship you have with your friend. the best case scenario for you and him is after she starts dating someone else.

Zenurus · Answer

really depends on ur relationship with ur friend and the guy. There's a lot more options how to on about this.
So - sry not to vote but these r important situations. I hope u all (three) the best of happiness =)

ryancg · Answer

If your friend doesn't care, then it shouldn't be a problem. That being said, I would still be wary because surely there'd have to be a reason why my friend would've broken up with her in the first place.

Tahmaseeb · Answer

I think we guys have a bro code, never date your friends ex, that's a huge No, I doubt girls have a similar code...

Hogwash · Answer

If they aren't in a relationship anymore and something happened between them, that's their problem to fix; not yours. Sure your friend might get upset, but you can't control your feelings and your friend most certainly shouldn't be trying to control how you feel

Ripper_E · Answer

I would make sure it's okay with them first, because I wouldn't risk a friendship like that unless I was in love with them. If it's love, real love, then no friend would stand in the way of that, but if it's not, then you should ask them first.

Is it ever okay to date a friends ex?

Most Helpful Opinions

Most Helpful Opinions

What Girls & Guys Said