Guys: if you wanted to take things slow, what does that mean to you?

[Anonymous]

I (38f) have been dating my boyfriend (49M) For about 5 1/2 months now. Although we’ve known each other for about a year.

long story short, he’s very wishy-washy with his affection. We have never had sex or done anything remotely sexual (touching my breasts, etc). The few times I have tried to move things along to the next level, he will push my hand away. It took multiple attempts at a discussion before He finally told me that he wanted to take things slow (sexually) because he had been hurt in the past from moving too quickly.

the weird thing is that the few times we have spent the night together, he wants to share a bed with me. But he doesn’t wanna do anything other than literally sleep. So last night he stayed the night with me and I suggested that I sleep on the couch and he can take my bedroom just so it wouldn’t cross his boundaries or make him feel uncomfortable, but he seemed disappointed I didn’t wanna sleep in the bed with him. So I told him I would, but said I didn’t want him to feel uncomfortable and then he got kind of funny and said “i think it should be all right.” And again, all we did was literally sleep. He was dressed in long sweatpants and a long sleeve shirt while I had on a tiny nightgown, and if I tried to cuddle with him or get too close, he would turn away or move my hand.

I can sort of understand refraining from sex. But he won’t even give me a kiss. And I’m not talking about making out, french kiss, whatever…. I won’t even get a quick kiss on the lips.

he lives with his mother and his mother is a psychopath that has a problem with me and has called me a c*cksucker because I invited him on a weekend vacation where all we did was literally sleep. I can count on one hand the number of kisses I’ve got during our relationship. And none of those kisses have been within the last month or so. She also fakes emergencies at home to get him to come back home while he’s hanging out with me. Which is what she did today.

[AviatorTom]

I've always taken things slow when dating. That means I don't make an obvious sexual advance until we've gotten to know each other.

My first wife and I worked in the same office, and knew each other for two years before we started dating, and didn't get serious for 6 months after we started dating.

After my divorce, I dated a few women, taking it slow, which was nice. I learned an important lesson with one woman though. She had a 3-date rule, where she stopped the dates if she didn't feel any chemistry by the 3rd date. I was doing my usual taking things slow when she dropped that on me... first time I had heard it. It upset me because I really liked her, she was gorgeous, and I definitely had sexual d=feelings toward her, but I never showed that.

After that, I never went slow again. I let the woman know I was interested in more than friendship on the 1st or 2nd date. Several months after the 3rd date incident, I met my current wife... married for 8 years and counting.

[blondegrrl]

Hi, if i were you and you truly care about him have a conversation about it. If he can't do that and try to at least calm your nerves for real i dont think he's the one for you. You should be able to express yourself freely with someone you wanna spend your future with and it looks like you are way more curious than he is. He seems to be nonchalant, ignoring the elephant in the room, dismissing your attempts to get closer. To me thats a character issue on his end, he most likely is too comfortable leaving things left unsaid, never giving you closure or clarity. Just a dismissive person in general. I think you deserve someone better than that. I dont think he doesn't love you or anything like that, but he's definitely not trying to make you happy instead of the other way around. he's too much in his comfort zone or set in his ways. I feel like if you guy both had a healthy connection you wouldn't be feeling so confused and questioning yourself. he's the problem, not you, you're just trying to connect with the person you care about and get closer. While he's just sitting there leaving you in the dark about his intentions. I don't know i feel like down the road thats not a good sign if simple communication and at least trying to make you happy or give you clarity is too much to ask. Hope that helps, please dont think you're the problem. re-state//background_color_rgba (0, 0, 0, 0), font_color_rgb (77, 77, 77), justifyLeft

[FunnyButNotFunnyHaHa]

I mean, so basically know what's going on, don't you?

This guy is severely psychologically damaged from living with his crazy (and probably abusive) mother. He's got some trauma that probably makes him literally afraid of sexual contact with another person. That's something his mother drilled into him, one way or another since probably before he started puberty.

So the man you're dating is probably literally AFRAID to have sex with you.

Honestly I think the only way you can change your situation is to encourage him to (a) live separately from his mother and (b) get therapy. There's probably not a quick solution to what he's going through.

Hope this helps.

[FunnyButNotFunnyHaHa]

Thanks for the MHO.

Have there been any developments?

[Anonymous]

OK, you got us. I was buying this right up to the point you brought up the mom. If you don't like men just say that. No need to make up stories just to try to ridicule guys. Get some therapy hun. This is no way to live life, hating the opposite gender.

[Asker]

You need to get a life. This is a 100% true story. I can even tell you his mother’s name & show screenshots. This is a real life Ed Gein situation

[Opinion Owner]

Liar. Women do not date men who live with thier mother. Everybody knows that! This is where you made your mistake. Next time you make up a story omit that part. That was the dead giveaway.

[Asker]

Lmao…. Whatever, shirley. You must be his mother. I don’t hate him. I just hate his mother.

[Opinion Owner]

Yeah, you hate all men. It's pretty clear.