What is the right way to handle a situation where a child isn’t really yours?

[Anonymous]

One of my buddies recently found out that 2 of his 5 kids aren’t his the rest of them are. The worst thing is that the 2 kids that aren’t his come from two different dads.

She was pretty much your average stay at home mom. Everything seemed normal until he started to suspect her of cheating with one of his coworkers that would come over form time to time. He eventually confessed that he was having a affair with his wife which is why he tested his kids. He was not the father of either of those kids so you can assume that she’s been doing it for a while.

He also contracted a STD around the time of the divorce. After he tried working things out with her.

[Screenwriter]

This will have to be worked out in the courts. He'll need blood tests to prove which children aren't his, then arrange for child support for the children that are his.

There are some men who decide to support all the children that occurred during their marriage because, well, all the children NEED support. This will be completely up to him and his financial situation.

Child support for five children is no small financial feat. But what I'd say is this could be his golden moment if he has a generous nature.

This woman isn't much good, but the children have nothing to do with her flaws. If he takes on taking care of these children and decides to be a father, as much as the woman will allow him to, to ALL of them, he could build a legacy to last many lifetimes: His supporting and loving all of these children, and being a father to all of them, despite the fact that two aren't technically "his" could change their lives for the good, and in the future, their own children's lives.

It's something he'll have to think through and weigh if he can achieve it. THe point is to not punish these innocent children because of their messed up mother. Give them a chance. If they were all living together their entire lives, breaking them up because of their accidents of birth isn't the best idea.

[Avicenna]

Nah, that would rob his actual kids of resources and reward the cheating. And don’t think for one second that she’ll prevent him from seeing the kids once he foolishly agrees to pay for them.

The kids’ biological father should be paying child support. And this cheating woman should be ordered by the courts to work instead of merely collecting child support.

[Screenwriter]

@Avicenna Oh, I understand that the biological fathers SHOULD pay child support. But are they even around? Can they be found?

There's no reason that she should prevent him from seeing the children as he's raised them as his and he's the only father they know, correct?

Child support is paid to pay for the children, not for the mother's living costs. Alimony pays for that, if it's decided upon. The courts may not decide to pay her alimony. As a judge, unless she's handicapped, I don't see why she shouldn't work since he'll be providing child support.

And if there's alimony, nowadays, it's usually very short term. Usually six months to a year. Gives woman time to find a job and contribute to her own support.

I don't think any rational judge would award her permanent alimony after there's proof she cheated on. her husband and the blood tests will show t his.

But his supporting all the children will keep the family together. Maybe he should go for custody. Takes her out of the picture.

[Avicenna]

I’m sorry, much if that is completely naive. Many mothers play “keep away” with the kids, and if all she did was cheat, he’s not getting full custody or even physical custody.

I have no idea if she’d get alimony, but the reality is that child support for five children will be used to pay living expenses for the mother as well.

No one should be forced to support kids that aren’t theirs. And since he knows it was co-workers who fathered the kids, they can easily be located and their wages garnished

As for keeping the family together, no doubt she’ll be awarded physical custody. But if he’s able to renounce paternity via court order, the cheating mother will be getting child support from three different men.

[Screenwriter]

@Avicenna Child support ONLY pays for children's needs and that is not naive as at one point in my life with my son I got child support. Since we had 50/50 custody, I only got $120 a month. That did not pay my living expenses in any way, shape or form, not that child support is SUPPOSED to pay a parent's living expenses. It isn't. But that was not a problem, I had work and an income.

I'm not naive. I've heard of this "keep-away" stuff. A smart man won't stand for it.

HOWEVER, the big issue is whether she's a completely incompetent parent. A mother has to be a drug addict/alcoholic/mentally ill combo of some kind to lose her children. Just cheating won't take them away.

But, he needs to get a good lawyer to prevent game-playing on her part. Since he's your friend, support him in his efforts to help all these children survive and thrive. I think he can do it.

[Avicenna]

That’s correct- just being a cheater won’t do it. And, yes, a good lawyer is essential.

Child support for five kids is a lot different than for one. Would probably be at least $1800 these days, if not more.

[Screenwriter]

@Avicenna It depends on custody arrangement too. If she is the custodial parent she gets far more money than a 50/50 arrangement where the children go between two households. I liked the arrangement, myself. A bit disruptive for the children, but healthier since they experience two parents and know two parents' rules, arrangements. They get the best of both worlds, but also learn that every place. you go, rules are slightly different. Just like the world outside their homes.

[Screenwriter]

Plus, we only lived 8 blocks away from each other initially THEN he moved around the corner from our original household where I stayed. (I paid the mortgage.). About 150 feet away from each other. Funny.

[Avicenna]

You were more responsible than most it seems

[Crazzyyworld]

She has a devil inside

[Crazzyyworld]

Don’t give her any divorce money. Take the children of his own.

[KrakenAttackin]

He won't have a choice. The courts will give her the house, all the contents, the kids, child support, alimony, and half+ of assets; all while making him a literal economic slave to this God awful woman. THIS is how our "Justice" system works in the U. S.

[Crazzyyworld]

@KrakenAttackin you have to appeal to Supreme Court

[KrakenAttackin]

That takes a shit ton of money and the outcome will be the same. She wins no matter what. What she deserves is a dirt nap.

[Crazzyyworld]

@KrakenAttackin no there is a justice.. you have to call the magazine or tv or something.

[Crazzyyworld]

Go fund me

[Crazzyyworld]

If something like this happens in Korea she is literally dead in society. You should contact Korean newspaper

[Avicenna]

Divorce is a state matter, not the kind of federal constitutional issue SCOTUS deals with.

[jshm2]

Depends on their dynamic. If he's going down the divorce route, then obviously assets need to be split and the child custody sorted according to parents.

If he's going down the "let it be" route, then he needs to set hard boundaries with his wife and those kids.

[KrakenAttackin]

This is unfortunately common and a truly shitty deal for your friend. First, get child support eliminated for the kids that aren't his. Second, the real fathers need to know they have kids, third, the kids need to know who their real father is.

[KrakenAttackin]

The real travesty is the courts don't care. There will be no punishment at all for this awful woman, when she should be burned at the stake.

[Avicenna]

See a lawyer about the paternity fraud. Hopefully he won’t be stuck paying child support for them because of her cheating.

[lightbulb27]

Thats up to his heart and a tough call is t it.


Id think hed still love rhe kids vut someone else has financial control. If he's alresdy divorced then the nuclear family is being created. Sadly. Its up to the woman to make the family and that seems questionable.


Seems a case of a woman being an emperor as she has many concubines.


You gotta winder the damage in her life and id be concerned that now gets propagated to the kids.


Not the end of the world… if the kids have two dads its better than zero. Realizing she wasn't his… thats the lie… gives him freedom. Let go of the lie of trust and accept she is not honest and needs help.


If think she's done … think again…

[lightbulb27]

Isn't too far off the Bible story of Jesus. Check out Josephs decision!

[Miristheiss]

Divorce.

It is up to each person based on how long he has known the kids. He can legally petition to have his name taken off of the birth certificate and severe his relationship with the kids that are another mans.

Usually that depends on how long. If it is a 1 year old baby it is easy to walk away from someone that is not yours and is someone else's. If it is a 10 year old then you two already have a deep relationship and they know you and will remember you.

I read that to mean that the betrayed man does have biological kids with this woman. Some are his and some are not his. Since they are all brothers and sisters to each other it would be hard to have a relationship with some and not the others.

If they are babies or toddlers it is possibly best to just cut the ties to her lie and someone else's kids and just raise those that are your own.

[Nikki1989]

The child's emotional and psychological well-being should always be the top priority.

[Asker]

True. The parents picked each other. But the children didn’t pick their parents. Unfortunately I think his wife is too much of a deadbeat to even care about her kids.

She has custody of them at least for now. She blows all the money for food on herself. She uses them against her husband and irs really just a sad thing. I don’t know why he put jo witn her for as long as he did.

I mean she does seem nice when you meet her. But based off the things he told me. She really did nothing. Absolutely nothing

[HighValue]

DNA paternity tests need to be mandatory by law. Any woman that is against it supports that kind of behavior.

He should sue her for fraud, mental anguish, and abuse.

[Crazzyyworld]

Good advice

[PeachyPie93]

Well if I was him, I would fight for custody of the three that were mine and the mom can fuck off with the other two.

[tzdc21]

Well that's the complicated thing. He's already formed a bond with the other two believing they were his kids, so it's not that simple to say, oh well you're not my kid so i don't love you anymore after doing so your entire life to this point.

[PeachyPie93]

@tzdc21 I get that he loves them but they aren't his so its like a nephew or niece.. he has to just let it go.. it's the only way to get through something like this is to detach and I think that is much easier for men to do. Like I raised my nephew from a baby until he was 3 because (my older sister couldn't handle it) then I left the country at 23 and of course he was crushed and missed me so much for years he would cry whenever I called and I missed him but he wasn't my kid or my responsibility.

[tzdc21]

Well that's a bit of a different situation. Even though you love him, you knew from the getgo that he wasn't your kid, whereas this man was under the impression for YEARS that those were his kids, only to find out that they never were. That hits WAY differently than the situation you described, and to just throw it all away for him would be, as hard as it must have been for you to let your nephew go, ten times harder for him.

[PeachyPie93]

@tzdc21 Yeah but I'd I don't think I would personally care that much even if they were my own kids lol but at the end of the day it's his choice what he does.. he chose to marry a whore..

[tzdc21]

I don't think he knew exactly who he was marrying. It's not like these women are walking around with a big red sign over their heads saying "Danger, whore." I mean come on lol.

[PeachyPie93]

@tzdc21 He should have did a better job of vetting.. most hoes have long histories and that is something he should have looked into.. especially the fact she is so dirty she is raw dogging random men 🤮

[tzdc21]

I agree he needs to do better but it's not that simple tk spot them all the time. A bunch of them look like your everyday innocent girl, so it's hard to pick them out. You gotta learn certain traits, and sometimes none of those traits come out and they still do stuff like this. Life would. be so much simpler if those cues just popped up quicker and easier.

[tzdc21]

I don't know to be honest, in terms of the kid. The woman who cheated on you can fuck off, but the children that you've already formed a bond with... I really don't know what you do with that.

[molonski2]

OMG , so delicate..
How old are the children and has he split with the wife now? And if so , is he paying child support for 3 ?
Assuming kids are with her.

[Valdemort]

I don't have an answer, but I feel bad for the kids. This is so sad...

[LiamJHayden]

Whatever he does, do not punish the kids. They are also victims here.

[Vegasrunner]

@LiamJHayden They're not his kids so they are on their own.

[Avicenna]

@Vegasrunner: it’s up to their biological fathers to step up

[Vegasrunner]

@Avicenna Yea, if they're not yours no need to concern yourself with them.

[Staximus]

He tried working things out? What a fucking chump

[dustybiker2]

It's all about what the parent wants.

[Notherndude84]

That’s some soap opera shit going on there.