How do you handle your partners child?

[Cali86]

My partner and I both have a child. Mine is 17 and his is 7. With my child he doesn't really have to deal with him because he's a teen and just does his own thing and independent.

His kid on the other handle is a lot. Talks back, doesn't listen, throws tantrums and it's difficult at times. A sweet kid for sure but I'm finding it difficult to handle because I can't parent his kid because it's not my place. So when they start throwing a tantrum I just look the other way and have him deal with it. But it's so often that it's getting hard for me to ignore. And we're talking about living together and building a life together but I don't know if I can handle years and years of this type of attitude. He tries to talk to his child to correct them but I don't know how much it sticks.

I know each child is different and parents are different. But it's getting to the point that I'm thinking about ending the relationship because it's hard for me to accept a child that refuses to listen, gets mad when they don't get their way and can't say thank you when I do something.

Help! How do I handle this or cope with this situation?

[kylee2437]

I think it’s time to have a talk with your boyfriend. Planning a future means this kid is permanently going to be in your life and I do think to some degree - you should have a right to chip in and maybe help parent this kid to some degree. Your teen seems successful and maybe your boyfriend can learn from you and what you did to get your teen to be out of trouble. A relationship that is progressing to bigger things, does need a good level of trust and hopefully he would trust you enough to make best judgments while helping him parent.


Both you and your boyfriend can’t be divided forever, and there being no agreement to help parent whether it’s your kid or not is a huge dividing factor.

[kylee2437]

And maybe I will add, the child may hate the extra parenting now, but you will be someone the child can eventually trust even more in the end because it’s important having strong adults in your life, usually kids won’t realize this until they hit their teens/. Young adults

[Cali86]

And sadly I think that's partially it. The mother isn't every involved and unreliable with little to no structure. So when they see me, I'm the opposite so it's confusing

[kylee2437]

@Cali86 a child that acts like that definitely has a parent that allows them to do whatever. My brother was like that, and because no parent really corrected him, he is still like this at the age of 26. And I think it’s best you let your boyfriend know that if it isn’t corrected, it never will be and it gets even more difficult as they get older.

Maybe don’t introduce to him though that he’s a bad parent, but maybe tell him that you have certain opinions in certain situations you have been in with him and his child and suggest that it’s important for your future that this kid even trusts remotely trusts you enough which may have to do with actually intergrading into another parent figure for him.

[Danny_dan92]

So when your boy was that age he didn’t throw tantrums?

[Cali86]

Shouting and crying tantrums? Nope. Because I wouldn't tolerate it. If I could see my son was getting frustrated or agitated I would address it right away.

[Danny_dan92]

Then tell your man he should do that… see how that works out for you

[Alicoooooo777]

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