How to deal with your partners parents?

Question

So I've been having issues with my mans mother. She has been trying to but into our relationship telling me he told her to ask me for money, or that he's talking to other people when I know that he isn't. Him and I have a solid foundation and that bugs the shit out of her and she keeps trying to push me away. I'm conflicted on how to handle this situation. A part of me wants to go off on her and give her a piece of my mind, the other part of me wants to be the bigger person and let it go. What would you do?

Bricealan · Accepted Answer

My wife's father was a mean son-of-a-bitch, and my wife, got up from their dinner table, took me by the arm, and said "lets get out of here"

I had done nothing to aggravate her ass hole father but be polite and respectful to him and his 'then' wife, so you are 'singing to the choir' when it comes to "fathers/mothers-in-law. I never confronted the asshole, and my wife did the talking, and I NEVER GOT AN APOLOGY FROM THE DIRTY BASTARD FOR HIS RUDE BEHAVIOR. Use your best judgment with her, and your partner/husband should deal with her, not you directly.

msc545 · Accepted Answer

Let it go. You cannot win or settle anything by confronting her, but you can lose your man over it.

ohsheeT · Answer

My mom acted like she hated every girl that I ever dated and I thought that was funny and I would tell the girl before I even introduced her she would probably get a cold shoulder and probably get ignored a little bit.. and I it says the same thing to any girl that I introduced her to and then I would say if you want to give her some of her own medicine just get right up next to her like no matter what she's doing most of the time that I would introduce is at Thanksgiving or Christmas or Easter or something like that but I would always tell the girl if you want to to show everybody stupid act she was putting on help her do whatever she's doing it gets really up next to her and just blah blah blah blah blah just don't shut up just keep talking ask questions do do whatever you want whatever you find interesting she'll have to break

And then there's one time I picked up my brother's girlfriend and took her over to the house we were having some sort of dinner but my brother is going to be a little bit late so I picked her up and we went there and we were in the living room talking and my mom walked in and she said who is this pot smoking Cherry hooker we both started laughing our asses off. And I said hold on hold on as I was laughing Mom I said this is not my girlfriend this is Rich's girlfriend so you might want to fix what you just said but of course she apologized I'm so sorry I said what is the pot smoking Cherry hooker she just looked at me and walked away I thought it was funny
You really have to look at it as if you're just a bigger person let her do what she's doing and let her feel that guilt I mean rub it in even kind of just by being you just by being happy and talk about your boyfriend or her son whatever you know how good she raised him and blah blah blah the don't go down to her level whatever you do that would just make everything worse I would just shine like a bright star if I was you and just take it in she'll feel the guilt one day

Leapfrog00 · Answer

I've dealt with this so many times with ex-girlfriend's parents. It can get really tricky real fast. the results of confronting the situation will really depend on your partners mother. If she's narcissistic, you're going to get nowhere fast. I mean it does sound like she may have some narcissistic tendencies, like wanting to have control over your relationship, and telling you both what to do.

I'm going to give you the best advice I can because I know how bad these situations are. What to do, talk to her and tell her that she's invading your space and it's putting too much pressure on you, and explain you're not trying to be disrespectful but this is running a toll on your relationship and putting weight on it. If she doesn't understand or won't listen to you, It's a lost cause.

I know you feel like just putting your hands around her neck, but going off on her will probably only feed her ammo, which she'll use against you later on because that's what these people usually do.

She won't listen to you after you talk to her about it what she's doing is bothering you, ignore what she's doing for about a week, don't talk to her, don't look at her, give her the silent treatment, and I guarantee, it will drive her crazy, especially if she's a narcissist. I couldn't tell you if she is or not though because I don't know the situation with her, but from some of that what you described, it sounds like she may have some narcissistic tendencies.

But ignoring her for about a week, and pretending none of what she does bothers you, it might drive her crazy so much, she may end up leaving you alone just for the simple fact that she knows it's not bothering you that she's pushing you around or budding into your business.

I've dealt with a lot of ex-girlfriend's mothers like this. I hope this helped. I'm really sorry you have to go through this, I really am. Good luck.

FunkyMonkee · Answer

I might let it go, at least for just a bit but, if she really got to the point of bugging the hell out of me, I'd lay into her big time!! Sometimes, bullies don't respect their targets unless the targets fight back! I've had several bullies suddenly become my friends after I fought back!! In fact, that's how bullies work! They think they're much better than you are so they do what they can to bug the shit out of you figuring you won''t fight back. They don't have any respect for you BECAUSE you won't fight back! But, as soon as you show them they're NOT better than you or even that YOU'RE better than THEM, they'll back down, respect you and treat YOU like top dog!!
In Jr. High School, I was in band class, the drum section, of course, sand, one day, I went into the class and was heading to the back of the room on the riser to get to the drum section when this new guy stood near the bottom of the riser blocking my way to the top. There was a metal pipe railing in front of the entire top tier to keep us from falling over into the horn section. He stood there making fun of me and keeping me from getting up to the drum section and even had a grip on the railing to keep me from getting past him. After I stood there and took his shit for a few minutes, I got to my boiling point and, holding both of my sticks in one hand, used them to smack that back of his knuckles on the railing and he quickly moved his hand and, suddenly, he wanted to be my friend!!
On the other hand, did you ever buy one of those Sybians? Maybe she's envious and just wants you to give her a ride on it

lightbulb27 · Answer

deal with it, or it will deal with you. she's an inlaw... meaning she's around until she passes on and it just gets worse as her needs grow and mind deteriorates.

so you will have to establish a better relationship with her, confront these lies and what her issues are, or stay out of her life completely. she's sabotaging... I don't know how you'd stay out of it with her having her sons ear. I'd hope he's very disconnected from mom. if he's very attached sounds like trouble and hard to manage.

she must not like you or maybe doesn't want her son taken away as she feels afraid, something is motivating her to do this. Or she's crazy. some people don't change...

good luck!

Anonymous · Answer

Left unaddressed, itll destroy your relationship. I engaged in an affair because my in laws put so much stress on our marriage I felt lost, unvalued and hopeless.

In extreme cases my mother in law framed me as physically and sexually abusive to my own kids. Being super religious, she claimed she was led by the "spirit of god" which is never wrong.

For me, it was up to my wife to change. It wasn't easy. She dumped her folks. I dumped my side "friend". We recovered. But damn, sure could be better without all that shit.

love_conquers_lust · Answer

Too many pronouns, hard to follow your story.

You could ask her directly. If she dissembles, then she’ll probably blow up at your partner. At which point, it’s on him to deal with it. His mother. Bull shit for him, but still his mother.

If she stands her ground, then be ready to defend yourself. Not physically. Don’t yell or scream either.

Ultimately, it means she cares for her son and wants the best for him. She probably doesn’t feel that’s you. But, it’s not up to her.

kellytheman · Answer

You need to say something to her but have you man around too when you do it so a physical fight doesn’t happen. She does think that no woman is good for her baby boy and it just a mother thing and feel they are lose or not get enough attention from her son.

Anonymous · Answer

As long as it isn't affecting your relationship with HIM just let it go. You're not in competition with her. By confronting her you're only legitimizing that notion. Don't give her that.

I've said this before I'll say it again. A man's mother is the number 1 woman in his life up until the day he meets the woman who becomes his wife then she becomes the number 1 woman in his life. Any quality guy KNOWS this.

ArrowheadSW · Answer

Hummm... A little clarification... So she told you, that he (your boyfriend) told her to ask you for money?  Anyway good to see you on here. I have not seen you on in ages!

Friendlybro79 · Answer

Your partner needs to tell his mother to stop and stick up for you. If he doesn't you should say that you're going to confront her, hopefully, like an adult, and not take any bait she gives you if she tries to go low.

HelpfulWoman · Answer

Voice a clear boundary to her, in a respectful way. then try to let it go and move on. make sure your partner is in the loop as to whats going on.

spartan55 · Answer

Saying he told her to ask you for money? Wtf that is just bizarre. Do you give him money? Where would she get that idea?

KrakenAttackin · Answer

I think subconsciously mothers can't stand the girlfriend's of their sons because sons seek women like their mother. When the mother sees a young, hot, version of herself, who is also likely a hoe, it makes mother crazy.

bowenw · Answer

I would tell my partner what their mother is doing in hopes of them dealing with it.

Guido · Answer

Tell him to get his mother in line. It's his mother and he should be the one to lay the ground rules.

dolemite58 · Answer

tell him ur not gunna deal with her butting in if she keeps doing it

Ava1993 · Answer

I would of said something. Her parents disowned then in 2020 needed help I asked where were they when she needed you. You’s come around when you’s need money.

justabuddy · Answer

An old fashioned attitude adjustment... lol kidding. This is something I have never had to deal with.

Anonymous · Answer

with superhuman tolerance and restraint from saying what i'm really thinking most of the time

Jamie05rhs · Answer

Would feel comfortable talking to him about this?

annabananna · Answer

It’s best if he confronts her with conflict.

Anonymous · Answer

honestly, confront.

Nimitttt · Answer

Live separately you both from parents

Jmmmfi4 · Answer

I don't see any advantage in doing that

riverrat3 · Answer

If you and he can move away do it

jimmy2 · Answer

I moved 3ststes Away

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