When parents hate your partner. How do you cope?

[lindakayyyy]

My parents and all siblings hate my fiance even though they known him for four years. We been together for 5 years soon he's gonna become my husband. They hate him they believe he is making my life miserable and boring because he is financially insecure. They don't expect I will be happy if I married him because I deserve better. I am very educated and very attractive. He is not educated and doesn't have good job or income. I am aware of all this. But I cannot imagine being with someone else. There is actually a lot of financial issues we are facing and he has relied on me to rescue him by giving him money several times in the past. But I believe in his future as his very charismatic and ambitious. Of course my family never knew I gave him money. If they did they would probably kill me😭. I basically let go of all my friends since I know him because we were so amazed by each other and we used to go out all the time before this financial crisis. Now he is all my life. What should I do?

[ludorock]

If there's one thing I learned after I was in a relationship that my parents hated with a guy they despised - no one can tell you not to be with them. He was the worst, he was manipulative and abusive but I couldn't see it. I walked away from all my friendships, I didn't talk to my family any more than I absolutely had to - he was my life.

Every weekend I was driving down to see him (he never came to see me, or gave me money for gas). I would also buy him things he liked/asked for and he never offered or bought me things, including even just splitting dinner/dates. He was emotionally abusive, and sexually assaulted me regularly. It was bad, but I only see that now.

When I was with him, he was my life. I couldn't imagine being without him. I had my head all warped and twisted around and no one could convince me otherwise. Because every time I acted upset or worried or frustrated he was suddenly the loving, doting boyfriend, he knew just how to play me to make me think I was happy and in love. When he broke up with me I was devastated. He was literally my entire life. I screamed and cried for hours, I was depressed for weeks.

Eventually I found my way out of that hole and realized everything he'd done. These days I never think of him - unless I'm answering questions like this one.

I'm not saying your fiance is abusive, I'm not saying he's manipulative. But if he's so charismatic and ambitious, how has it been 4-5 years and he still doesn't have a decent job, even with the help you've given him? How have the financial problems not gotten better with your help? I'm not accusing him, I'm genuinely asking these questions for you to think about. Family and friends aren't always right, but if you've isolated yourself from your friends, that's a red flag. He cannot be your world. I'm married now and my partner is not my world. He is very important, I would die for him, but I have tons of hobbies, interests, friends and activities that don't involve him.

Genuine question - do you have the same thing? If not, that's a red flag. Your lives are intertwined, but they can't be the same life. If he's pushing you away from friends and family, costing you money and not giving anything back in return but promises, then what are you getting out of the relationship?

I'm not accusing. I'm genuinely asking you these questions - I can't say that enough. No one, not even God, could have told me that my ex was abusing me, or was wrong for me, I never would've believed or heard it, he had me wrapped around his finger and I never would have known it if the relationship hadn't ended. That's how it is with most relationships, no one can tell us anything. Even these questions you could have reasons and excuses for. I guess just... I don't know. Listen to your friends and family? Hear what they have to say? Genuinely consider what they're seeing because sometimes they can have a more objective, outside opinion. But in the end you know what's best for you, you know who he is/what he's like and it is your life.

[Shizunk]

I was trying to somehow formulate my thoughts on the story when I read it and didn't quite know how to put it. I was never in that kind of a situation but this is exactly the vibe I get when I read about it. So i would just refer everyone to ludorock's opinion. Spot on.

[Pistolpete90]

I think if you have lost all of your friends because of your partner, your family don't like them; they are terrible with money, and for years they haven't had a job/career; you're dating a drop-kick.
If you marry him and have kids, he'll probably be a lousy/lazy dad and you'll end up doing everything on your own.

A good relationship is when you both have capacity to look after the other when needed and you can rely on each other. You're in a one-sided relationship.

[noohair]

Sounds like he hooked his whale. Sorry, it sounds like you will be miserable in the long run. It also sounds like he is bipolar, but I am not a medical professional. Be wise and don't be blind to what you have gotten in to. You also sound a little desperate to be right too.