When parents hate your partner, is it usually for a valid reason?

[Anonymous]

I have a friend who was hated by his ex girlfriend's parents. Supposedly he's a decent guy but poor and loved her at that time. However, he got her pregnant, she quitted college, he didn't commit, they broke up and their son is now 4 years old. He pays child support and sees his kid often but it still doesn't take away the fact that he left her single mother. What girl's parents are going to be happy about that?

The girl's parents obviously hate him and are only being cordial with him whenever he sees his son. I'm speaking as a married man myself, with our 1 year-old daughter. If a boyfriend claims to love my daughter and that she's the love of his life, only to get her pregnant, make her quit college (destroyed her future), never marries her, makes her a single mother, why would I like a man like that?

Updates

1 y

As a father of our baby girl and husband myself, I can now see why that girl's parents hate him. I can see from their point of view.

[Oliverlogan263]

Yeah man, I get where you're coming from. As a dad, if some dude did that to my daughter I'd be forever pissed at him too. Getting a girl pregnant and then bailing is about the worst thing as far as parents are concerned.

I can see both sides though. When you're young and in love, mistakes happen. But he definitely should have manned up and committed to being a family if he got her in that situation. Leaving the mother of your child as a single parent is messed up no matter what.

Her parents probably think he just used their daughter and now she's left dealing with the consequences alone. Hard to blame them for being so bitter and protective. At the same time, cutting the guy off from his kid ain't right either.

I don't know, maybe with time the bitterness will fade some if he keeps showing up for his son. But he's gotta accept they may never fully forgive him for the pain he caused their daughter. All you can do is your part as a father and hope one day they can at least tolerate each other civilly for the kid's sake. Tough situation all around.

[Asker]

Indeed. The only right thing my friend does is visting his son and child support. That's the only reason the girl's parents are cordial with him. It really sucks for that child that will grow up in a broken household.
I would absolutely be thinking the same if someone did that to my daughter in the pregnant. It's so easy to screw a girl, declare your so called undying love towards her, get her pregnant but suddenly so hard to commit and raise the kid in a stable household.

[Oliverlogan263]

For real dude, it's so wack. Like yeah it's fun to hook up and say all the sweet nothings to get the girl. But the second real responsibility comes into play, dudes wanna hit the bricks.

I don't care how young and dumb you were, once a kid is born it's time to be a man and do right. Ain't no excuse to leave a girl high and dry with a baby. That kid deserves better than to grow up without their pops around. It's just straight up selfish behavior on his part.

It makes my blood boil thinking how my little girl could end up in that situation someday if I didn't get my act together. That's why I'm so extra careful now with protection and being upfront about what I'm about. My family raised me better than to dip out on my duties like that.

I feel for his kid too, trying to understand why daddy's comes and goes while others have both parents together. Sucks the dude can't learn to step it up and give the little man a real home, you know? But like you said, at least he sends support I guess. Still trash in my book though.

[Vesuvius87]

Parents have lived more than us and are experienced. They were both correct about my first ex boyfriend. I had to set both my FB and WhatsApp to private status, where only my friends can see and contact me. Even after being recently engaged, my ex boyfriend wouldn't stop contacting me and had the nerves to congratulate me on my engagement.

It's none of his business what I do with my life and it's sick how someone can be constantly checking up on an ex's (an ex that already blocked you) posts and daily life.

[DishLady]

I’m sure they would like to think so. Perspectives differ slightly and the value you place in a person may be different from what a parent thinks their wonderful child deserves.

[Anonymous]

lol obviously. Parents are always right

[Asker]

Yup and same goes for mothers detecting golddiggers. My mother hated my 2nd ex girlfriend and yeah she was right about her.
When we become parents, something changes in us immediately. We don't see it from the ''oh he/she is sweet'' romantic point of view anymore, but from a protective mode. We actually see the real person behind this.