How did you deal with a partner not wanting kids?

[NZGirl07]

My boyfriend and I are both young, me being almost 20 and him being 19. I know that in the future, I would most likely want kids. He has told me he is unsure, but at the same time he often talks about what he would do if he was a dad.

I think for most men they take a long time to decide if they want kids. Our relationship is so great, and I could not see myself without him. I am just nervous that one day he may decide he doesn't want kids and I will.

Have you had a partner who didn't want kids when you did, and what did you do?

[Pyrofox]

My idea if you got the talent to do it skip the girlfriend stage and maybe for him show him what u would be like as a wife. Maybe it would make him a little more confident in being able to take care of a kid. (Cause guys won't say it but it's always kinda a mini fear thing about being a father is what if the kid doesn't like their father and other small things. That can make parenthood seem really really scary.)

[NZGirl07]

Thank you for your comment. Can I ask what skipping the girlfriend stage means?

[Pyrofox]

Skipping the butterflies and jumping straight to being like engaged.

[NZGirl07]

Thanks for the opinion. I think both of us want to wait until we feel ready to get married which would be in our 20s, have enough money for the rings, wedding, honey moon etc. Perhaps one day when we are married he will be more open to it as you stated :)

[itsvmsingh]

If you are truly made for each other. You both won't do anything that would hate themselves for the rest of their lives. So i truly think he's going to agree with your decision. He isn't ready yet as you two are too young. But i am sure he us going ti be ready in future

[NZGirl07]

That's a really kind comment. I agree with you. Thank you for your kindness and insight.

[Smoke-n-Growls]

Break up.

Unless both partners are 110% sure they want children, it is NOT going to work. You will not change his mind, he should not try to change yours.

Some people just don't want kids, and if you DO want kids, then let them go.

Differences in childfree status are not something you can compromise on.

[NZGirl07]

Thank you for your honest opinion. In my case I find that he is the perfect partner for me, he treats me wonderfully and I couldn't be happier. I think one day I may have to prioritize our relationship over kids if it comes to that, since being without him doesn't seem like an option.

[Smoke-n-Growls]

It's always an option to be without him. You will survive and thrive with or without him.

Do not lose yourself in a relationship with the person you love - that's not why they decided to be with you. Be true to yourself, because that's who they love.

Sometimes that means making tough choices, but a child is not something you want to regret. Regretting a kid - or staying in a relationship that has run its course longer than you have to - will ruin it for you, your partner, and your kid.

You CAN and you WILL survive without him, if you decide to break up. Because you're strong and you deserve to live authentically.

[dynamicyandere]

I think people who decide to marry each other should truly be in love with each other, which means putting each other first—putting their relationship first.


This means that having kids should be a decision that is made together. But also, shouldn’t be a reason to split apart if they truly love each other. Like, if not-wanting or wanting children is the sole reason for breaking up, my personal opinion is that it’s not worth breaking up over.


He’s talked about being a dad, so I don’t think he’d be completely against it. It’s probably a timing thing. You two are still quite young. Maybe he just doesn’t see himself being a father anytime soon because that’s something he’d rather think about at a later time.

[NZGirl07]

Thank you for your opinion, I think we have quite similar views. I agree that being completely in love with someone should mean always finding a way to be together. I definitely feel like that with my boyfriend. I guess I can see though how some people want to be parents their whole lives, and don't know what to do if a partner rejects that. I also think he'd like to one day if he's a bit more mature, so just a matter for the future.

[Ihatethewill]

What's up with people wanting kids in their early 20's you both have at least 50 more years to live. Only one fifth of your life is complete. Give him time! While passing on your legacy founds fulfilling, what if it takes up all of your time watching your son or daughter? Save kids for your future self.

[NZGirl07]

Not planning to have kids anytime soon at all, just thinking about the future and interested in people's personal experiences.

[boggboss]

Its somthing u have to decide what u want more yo be a mum or this relationship as u won't be able to have both many say they will attempt to change the mind of the person they are with but thats silliness

[NZGirl07]

Thanks for your insight

[boggboss]

Also don't start making choices or overthinking before u fi d out if its even a issue

[NZGirl07]

That's true. Thank you. I'll leave it to the future.

[SnakeBoop]

You're fucking 19. Chill.

[NZGirl07]

Haha, the future is still important regardless of how old you are.

[SnakeBoop]

he hasn't even fucking said he doesn't want kids.
congratulations on a dumb troll of the day award.
Fuckinng yikes, hope he gets out