Is it good for you to keep trying to convince your partner to have kids when they really don't want to?

[Anonymous]

My boyfriend wants kids, more than one (ig upto 4). Me, I'm not so sure and I've told him that many times. I've explained my reasons, particularly wanting an easier life. He just keeps trying to convince me that kids are a blessing, he'll be there to help me throughout my pregnancy, a child free life is lonely etc etc. While all these things might be true, not every woman wants a child! And I'm one of them! And he's out there secretly hoping that one of these days I'll change my mind about it. He thinks sending me videos of babies and family vlog channels will change my mind. I really don't know what to do. I'm afraid he'll leave me if I don't change my mind in the future, and that's the last thing I want to do.

[RebelinSteel]

It’s a joint decision and both sides have a say. If someone firmly does not want kids, and the other does, then that’s likely a relationship that will end. Now if both want kids and one wants a football team and the other 1 or 2, the woman gets the choice, it’s her body, her health, she’s a person not a breeding machine. That’s my view on it, no doubt others have a different slant, also the more kids the more costly it is to raise them, bigger house, more energy costs, more food costs, birthdays, Christmas, holidays, college / university etc. that brings in the do you want 1-2 kids with a decent life or 4 where both partners need to work like fuck and kids still are not that well off.

[OlderAndWiser]

You can't have everything you want, just like he can't have everything he wants.

This is a huge issue and him thinking he can change you is horrible. But it would be even worse for you to cave in to what he wants and then you resent him for "making" you have children.

If you aren't going to change your mind on this issue, you need to break up with him, because in the long term, this is a deal breaker.

[XHopelessRomanticX]

You and your boyfriend are not compatible, plain and simple. The decision to have children, and how many, is a TWO person decision. He needs to make that decision with somebody else.

The fact that he keeps pestering you about it tells me he’s not really ready to be a dad. First rule of parenting; respect the other parent. His pressuring you is neither loving nor respectful, plain and simple. Time for the relationship to end.

[MzAsh]

Girl I don’t blame you. I mean I love my niece but otherwise, the child free life is a dream and I love it.
But if kids are the dealbreaker, isn’t it better to move on while having the life you both want? You don’t want to end up being stuck with kids you never wanted.

[monorprise]

@MzAsh
You only say that because you don't have kids and therefore don't know the love and joy they bring you. Someone probably a bitter woman sold you some toxic idea that they are just a burden and they are not.

[MzAsh]

I understand kids bring a lot of love and joy, and they also bring a lot of responsibility. Not everyone wants to take on those responsibilities, and that’s ok. It’s actually wise for anyone to recognize the responsibilities they don’t want and make informed decisions based on these realities.

[Djaay]

I don't think u should rub people's nose into what both men and women were literally born for , designed and created to accommodate the other member of the opposite sex. Ur choice is up to you although to parade no children dynamic is certainly a statement of a person not quite adequate or lacks the composure of a parental teacher to an offspring. My home had 13 children and I also have my own 13 th just 9/11 ...4 months ago. U think I lack an inability to finance these children or lack the responsibilities that curtail with them? ... My ambition just gets stronger each one.

[Pinay_ako]

Can’t force someone to live their life how you want yours. It’s unfair. It’s not going to work out in the long run.

[Legendarysylveon]

I'm in the same boat as you are. My boyfriend keeps mentioning babies and marriage and moving in together. I'm fine talking about it, but he's at a point where he's trying to convince me to have kids. I told him it's possible in the future I'll change my mind, but I'm really not into the idea right now. I'm happy not having to sacrifice my life for a small human being right now. I want my freedom. Kids are expensive lifelong commitments. I am very happy with my 3 cats. I think one thing that doesn't help is the buildings we live in are owned by a friend and that friend has a baby. That's probably why he's pushing so hard. But I keep telling him no.

Just today he tried convincing me to have a child again. I told him no and I've told him why in the pass and he told me "well those aren't good reasons. The good outweighs the bad" and while that maybe true, doesn't mean I want to deal with it. If he does try to ask me to marry him before this is worked out, I will deny it. If we cannot work this out, then I will leave him. I just want to give it a chance to be worked out.

[Somoneelse]

I'm gonna be direct on this. He needs to accept your choice and stop trying to force you or convince you to think otherwise. Or he just should break up with you if he can't accept the fact you don't want kids. Sending pictures or videos of babies to try to convince you is just so fucking immature.

[bobalife]

I don’t think it’s a deal breaker like most thinks, I believe it’s all about how you both will wanna make it work. It’s good you’re being honest and he needs to be understanding to respect your opinion. Right now you’re not sure and it will be something to think about. It will help to have a honest conversation and both of your wants/fears. I hope everything will work out ❤️

[dustybiker2]

I don't think he understands how firmly you may be against this. It's fine to feel this way. But you need to have an honest conversation. .. And let him go if you have to. There are men out there who don't want children, or already have their kids. This guy sounds like his heart is set. It's a bit sad.

[Prezzi3]

Relationships require compromise but there are just some issues that can’t be compromise on. I call these type of issues “core issues”. These are not issues that can be solved by a change of hair color or change of diet/habit, these are fundamental issues that can make or break a relationship. If you don’t want to have kids but he does just bite the bullet and break up with him.

[Berethor]

If she don't want kids then she not worth my time, unless she virgin, then I might try to change her mind. He would sure leave you if he not able to convince you for a long time, kids are not something that can be compromised on, and you are the one who is not normal here, so if someone should change it's you, a woman shoud have maternal instinct.

[Peridot25]

That’s really unfair to keep your partner around and try to change their mind for your benefit.

[Berethor]

I think that it for us both benefit, as she would likely regret not having kids when it's too late, also as I basically said I would only try to change woman's mind if I really like her, otherwise I don't think that it worth my time. Hard to find someone who agree with you on everything, so trying to convince make sense, but kids in not a music taste, so if he not able to convince her then he would leave her.

[Peridot25]

What’s with men always wanting to try and make women change their minds about something? It pisses me the fuck off 🤬🤬🤬🤬 Like, why? What’s your deal? If you want kids, fine. But, find someone who actually wants kids NATURALLY. If you’re with a woman who doesn’t, keep your fucking mouth shut and let her go.

[Peridot25]

FUCK!! I absolutely fucking HATE men like you.

[Peridot25]

GOD!! IM SO FUCKING ANGRY RIGHT NOW!!

[Peridot25]

I just want to punch y’all in the dicks so hard you’ll be barren.

[Peridot25]

If a guy ever tries that shit on me, I’ll leave him so fast. Don’t EVER try to manipulate me just to get your way.

[Peridot25]

If a woman changes her mind, fine. But, don’t EVER try to guilt trip her to have kids with you. Let her come to you. Also, don’t EVER tell a woman she’ll regret her choice. If a man ever tells me that, then that shows he’s a controlling prick that’s not father material.

[Berethor]

You have anger issues, that's for sure, convincing is not illegal, while violence is.

[Peridot25]

I have “anger issues” because I’m so god damn tired of men always wanting their way when a woman says she doesn’t want something. Why can’t you just say, “I respect your decision, but we aren’t compatible,”? Doesn’t matter if you like her, just let her go. Why do you always have this need to “convince” us to do something we don’t want to do? Explain, please.

[Peridot25]

All you want to do is make her feel bad about her decision just so you can be in control. Sorry, but you’re not father material.

[Peridot25]

You would make a shitty husband and a shitty father.

[Berethor]

Nothing wrong with a man being in control and trying to convince is better than leaving.

[Peridot25]

I rather choose death than give birth.

[Peridot25]

If any man wants kids with me, he better be the one to give birth and going through the pregnancy.

[Peridot25]

Because I ain’t going to be doing jack shit.

[Berethor]

A man can't give pregnancy instead of you, that is not how nature works, he not a woman.

[Peridot25]

He better get that sex change operation then.

[Berethor]

Transwomen can't give birth, only real woman can, but you can date a transman.

[Peridot25]

Whatever works. Because I refuse to go through that pregnancy shit. And he’s the one going to take care of the kids. I ain’t doing that.

[Berethor]

You really don't like kids, if you was to get pregnant you would have an abortion?

[Peridot25]

Honestly, yeah. Not gonna lie.

[Peridot25]

If I was refused, I would unalive myself.

[Berethor]

So you prefer to die over giving birth? well that sure sounds extreme, and pretty sad.

[Peridot25]

Whatever works to get out of being a parent and not taking on those responsibilities.

[Berethor]

Well it sure hard to convince someone with a death wish, that is almost impossible.

[Peridot25]

That’s the point.

[Djaay]

Peridot25... Hey uk u girl. You one of those unproductive proud anti-woman men haten secular moder feminist sexist woman? 0 value.

[Peridot25]

I don’t hate all men. Just those who manipulate women just to gain control just to get their way.

[Djaay]

Peridot25... I don't like bullies or manipulators either. But... last I checked , the woman joins the man's lead.

[Peridot25]

@Djaay I rather die single than worry about my partner manipulating me. If he wants kids so bad, either carry the baby himself or find a different woman that wants kids. It’s that simple.

[Djaay]

Peridot25... Stop denying your biological existence. That means your manipulating men to ur unworthy unconforming existence. Ur mad at men for wanting what our whole buisness as humans are here on this planet ? So sex and that's it... fine then find only that relations with a guy and leave baby happy making relational people the f... k out of ur mouth.

[Peridot25]

Men can have kids all they want. But, what I don’t like is a lot of men telling women they’ll regret their choice of not wanting any. That’s a disrespectful thing to say. I would never say that to anyone because I respect people’s choices.
Now, if a woman were to change her mind, ok great. I just hope she did it on her own and not because her man guilt tripped her.
I don’t want kids myself because I don’t want the responsibility. I hope I can find someone who wants the same thing.

[Peridot25]

Y’all have to understand not everyone is the same. I don’t know who taught you that we were but they were wrong. We’re all not going to want the same thing as everyone else.

[Djaay]

Peridot25... Those individuals who would like a different life than the majority of those who wish to build family need to realize that u belong outside of the boundaries of our family building buisness. That's fine and dandy about your wish for ur difference. But nobody's really manipulated to address something they wish not. Just means that woman then is playing an agenda rather than a family building anomaly with the guy... which incidently is considered a manipulative nature itself. Ofc every woman isn't the same , but biologically when men are busy selecting how else do we know if she's busy givin us wrong signals or not? That's not manipulative , rather selectivity.

[Djaay]

And I'm not trying to beat on u either , just let's just be real here for moment.

[Peridot25]

What do you mean by giving you wrong signals? Like, if she’s not 100% sure if she wants a family or not?

[Djaay]

Well yes... that's like discussed in the very immediate part of meeting someone.

[Berethor]

Asker is afraid he will leave her, meaning that he might be able to change her mind.

[Peridot25]

It’s better if they did split. It’s not fair to either of them they keep each other from what they want.

[Berethor]

Well it easy for you to say, you don't mind to be alone and you don't mind to die.

[Peridot25]

If they want to stay together and resent one another, then that’s up to them.

[Berethor]

She 18-24 still young, when she about to get too old to have children they would split.

[Peridot25]

Why are you saying this? Not every woman wants kids. Why can’t you understand that? Why do you believe every woman is the same?

[Berethor]

You really want to hear it? okay, a woman that don't want kids is not a real woman.

[Peridot25]

There it is! Finally the truth comes out. No wonder why you’re so adamant on forcing a woman to have kids with you.

[Peridot25]

So, if a woman was raped and got pregnant, you would applaud the rapist?

[Peridot25]

Also, are you rich? Because a man isn’t a real man if he isn’t a billionaire. So I guess you’re not a real man 🤷‍♀️

[Berethor]

I am not forcing, I am convincing, I don't see how you come to talk about rape.

[Peridot25]

Something about you seems very unsettling. So I’m going to stop talking to you and I I want you to stop talking to me. Don’t bother replying anymore.

[Legendarysylveon]

I'd like to see you willingly carry a heavy baby for 9 months and then push it out your vagina, which becomes larger then normal, then having to be the one mainly taking care of the child and having to deal with postpartum issues like depression, soreness, lack of sleep, etc.
Women aren't just items to give birth. We are living breathing humans like you that happen to like to enjoy our lives.

[jshm2]

As long as it's an open conversation, it's good.

But as soon as it's a closed conversation,. then it's time to bail.

I didn't really want kids either. 30 odd partners later I changed my mind and been with only her since.

You don't want kids because he/she doesn't have the personality you want to see in your future mini you's. You just haven't matured to that understanding yet is all.

[TheSpaceGnome]

Break up with him before he gets you pregnant and ruins your life. You don't want the same things and it isn't going to work out whether you have kids or not, so this is just about avoiding becoming a single mom that no guy wants at this point.

[JacobJordan]

Then you should break up with him so he doesn't waste his life on a woman that doesn't want kids. He does so he should be with someone that wants kids. If you don't then end the relationship for his sake. You are ruining his life by staying when you don't want kids. So you either need to want kids or let him go.

[Legendarysylveon]

Or here's a idea. He could leave her if not having kids is the end all of a relationship.
In a relationship, if not wanting a child is a end of it, then there was never any real love in that relationship. That's one partner using the other for a child.

[Anonymous]

Children are a blessing to those who value family, and family is the most important thing in life.

You and your boyfriend are not compatible, period. You have completely different life goals, and you are not a woman who can give him what he needs.

[Anonymous]

Sounds like he needs to leave you, If you refuse to provide him with children your basically a waste of time and resources for a man who does.

Men don't invest their time and resources in women simply for their company, they expect the woman to at least try to provide a family. You might as well be as man if your not willing to do that.

[Legendarysylveon]

I'm glad you see women as only items to give birth. Good luck in any of your relationships.

[Opinion Owner]

@Legendarysylveon This is not about a woman's value as a person, but rather what she uniquely brings to the table in a romantic relationship IE: Marrage. As this man's hinting makes quite clear.

The martial relationship like all relationships is ultimately built upon a transaction. Otherwise it wouldn't exist, as adult's don't have anywhere near that much resources or time to wast on useless things.

The nature of that exchange is really a direct result of the nature of the biology that makes it possible in the first place. In it a man commits a large share of his time, resources, efforts to the support and security of a woman so that she in turn can do likewise for the support and care of children.

That is the only real propose for which we tolerate the chains of the Marital relationship. The production and raising of children upon our personal, family, and civilizations whole future depends.

A woman who refuses to have kids is no different than a man who refuses to commit his resources to her for the support of the same.

This man's hinting is a nice way to nudge her in the right direction before ultimately he has to ditch her just as she would ditch a guy who sleeps around and refuses to commit.

Commitment to a woman is the most expensive and laborious thing any guy does in his life. IT IS NOT FOR FREE!

As much as women might think a man appreciates her trying to be his 'husband' in providing the same HE DOES NOT.

If a man wanted anther man to take care of him he would find one more agreeable and less demanding than a woman!

[Anonymous]

If he doesn't respect your personal choice just break up with him. I am sorry but I don't think hebis the one for you now I don't mean this in a rude way. I mean if he is pressuring you into having babies when you two love birds are boyfriend and girlfriend imagine if you marry him it will turn into an argument each day things will only get worst. If a guy forces his ideas on you believe he isn't worth your time.

[Likes2drive]

You’re obviously not compatible because that’s a dealbreaker for a couple if both don’t agree on something like that, you’re just wasting each other’s time if you’re that adamant about it and need to find someone that doesn’t want kids either. Although you’re still young and may change your mind at 30 it’s up to you whether you want kids or not

[DagonbroughtMehere]

No, He has two Morally acceptable options;
Accept it, He Keeps You.
Leaves, Loses You.

Stand Your ground, if You don't want to have kids it's Your right not have them and vice versa, Relationships such as these are or rather is suppose to be a partnership, not capitulation to one side.

[BCA6010]

If the two of you are so opposed on such a basic aspect of relationships, you should break up and move on. You're just wasting each other's time otherwise.

[myloveforuisinfinte]

Breakup with him and run!
U can find another love easily.
But the responsibility of 4kids , after giving birth isn't good, then u have to accept the fact and take care of them.

[myloveforuisinfinte]

If he leave u because u don't give birth then trust me , he isn't a worthy person. He don't love u.
Because if someone truly love u , he/she will accept your choices

[caitycat21]

You guys need to break up.. clearly your values don’t align and it’s unfair for him to try and push you to do something you’ve stated you have no interest in doing

[At3mis24]

If my future partner tries to convince me to have kids, I will ask him if he's okay for an adoption, if not, we'll break up, I just can't have biological children.

[RoronoaZoro8]

I don't think you two are compatible if he wants kids and you don't. That's a pretty major thing to disagree over and there's no compromise.

He shouldn't really try to convince you to be something that goes against your desires.

[PBandJ_Nerd]

I wouldn't say it's good. If one wants children but the other doesn't, then maybe it's better to find a different partner.

[EmmaMary]

I think it might be best for the both of you to go your separate ways, and find partners who are on the same page as yourselves.

[Tractorguy13]

So you disagree on a major point. If it’s really that important to him you should both just move on. I know that sounds harsh but in the end he will resent you for not giving him children

[Peridot25]

Well, if it comes down to you two breaking up, then so be it. You can’t force one or the other to change their mind. Seems like you two aren’t compatible.

[msc545]

This is definitely a deal breaker for him in the long run and in the short term it should be a deal-breaker for you as well. There's no point in staying with a guy that is putting this kind of pressure on you.

[sheikalana]

It is your right to not want to have kids. When two people want two different things in life is just best to let them go.

[Phoenix98]

I feel like when it comes to kids that's something that both folks need to be on the same page about.

[Surely]

That kind of makes you two not compatible! You may despise the children that you didn’t want in the first place!

[Anonymous]

The only thing I see wrong with the post is the ending. If you don't want kids and he does he should leave you. And this isn't personal. This is just about each of you finishing your happiness.

[Opinion Owner]

Finding* not finishing.

[Anonymous]

Hell no, you guys should break up. That's a major compatibility issue both parties could regret forever

[serious_miss419]

He best make lots of money to support you and all those kids. Over all, he can adopt!!!

[JayBones]

Thats a deal breaker. An irreconcilable difference. End the relationship now.

[WhyohWhy69]

That’s what Andrea Yates’ ex husband did. Didn’t turn out too well.

[clubboss]

Either you agree with him or you leave and let him find a willing woman.

[Legendarysylveon]

If its such a big deal to him, he should leave.

[laly520]

pointless to do so

some against it

[douride2]

Sounds like a bad idea to me.

[SolitarySolace]

If you don't want kids don't be in a relationship

[Jamie05rhs]

You guys are not a good match.

[Djaay]

What are u even in a relationship for?

[Legendarysylveon]

Love? Companionship? Comfort?
There's SO many reasons to be in a relationship besides just having sex and kids.

[Djaay]

What about marriage?

[Legendarysylveon]

Marriage is fine too. But it shouldn't be all about having kids.
If one person doesn't want kids, the other shouldn't just shove that aside and try to convince them otherwise.

[Djaay]

That's not a very good marriage dynamic and shows your preference is only for just u , no one else. I have 13 children of my own. Marriage is for family building dynamics yet some others have married for other reasons

[Legendarysylveon]

Marriage isn't just to build families. You marry someone because you love them and want to spend your life together. If you dont have kids, it's not a big deal or make the marriage any less real or relevant. The fact that men think women are birthing machines bugs me and shows you think women aren't human and are less then that.

[Djaay]

Try making sense about what u just said. You're very confused.

[Legendarysylveon]

I'm not confused at all.
If your marrying someone just to have kids, there's a problem. That's why some divorces happen.
You marry someone because you love them. Not just because you want kids.

[Djaay]

That's just ur preferences. Since when do women marry and love unconditionally?

[In_Trance]

no, it will be the downfall of the relationship

[KrakenAttackin]

You will eventually get the baby rabies.

[Legendarysylveon]

Not every women does. Some are very happy their entire lives with no kids.

[Cheerfull009]

Have kids and enjoy family life

[Legendarysylveon]

Don't convince her if she doesn't want to.

[Cheerfull009]

@Legendarysylveon Ok

[jahaims]

Obviously not

[Charliefretz329]

Nope