How do I get my ex to start seeing me as a potential girlfriend?

[lovelylia]

Hi, I need advice.

I (21F) dated a guy (21M) in 2023 for five months. We were exclusive, met each other’s friends and family, and he even called me “his woman,” but he never made it official. He started as a rebound for me, which he knew, but he eventually caught feelings and wanted something serious. I cared about him too, but when he asked about commitment, I told him I wasn’t ready, even though I really liked him. We stopped talking for a day, but eventually talked it out and stayed together. Still, things felt uncertain, and after five months, we mutually decided to part ways.

After the breakup, we stayed friendly, exchanged short conversations, and even had a one-time hookup. By late 2024, he started dating someone else and made her his girlfriend, which hurt because he never made things official with me. She broke up with him in October, and this January, he reached out to me, saying he wanted to talk like old times. He admitted he’s still attracted to me but claimed he wasn’t reaching out just for sex.

I told myself I’d set boundaries this time, but recently, we ended up sleeping together. Afterward, he told me, “te quiero mucho” (I care about you a lot), but he hasn’t texted me since. He takes hours to respond to my messages but has no problem replying to my Instagram stories with something funny. When we dated, he’d respond instantly, but now it feels like he’s trying to distance me from the idea of us being serious again.

I’m torn. I don’t want to scare him off by bringing up commitment since he just got out of a relationship, but I also don’t want to keep letting this drag on if he doesn’t see a future with me. Did I sabotage my chances by sleeping with him too soon? Should I wait for him to come around, or be upfront about what I want?

If anything, how do I start on my plan to have him start seeing me as something serious again when we rarely see each other in campus and i have barely no way of playing hard to get?

[Cormac995]

This is one of those things where there is really only one answer and you're not going to like it because what you have to do is go to him and basically be completely honest about the situation and have a discussion about it. This is going to be complicated because he's clearly fond of you in fact he probably loves you based on the sound of this.

As a result, I think he's scared to reach for you again because it was probably devastating when you separated for him because he sounds very invested in you. It honestly sounds like he feels heart got broken or at least did about it. He's probably not going to make a move in that direction because he doesn't want to get rejected a second time.

So pretty much the only thing you can do is be the one to make a move and be honest. You need to have a conversation about that and be honest about what was going on then and how you've felt since. To me this sounds like a guy who doesn't want to get hurt again.

[Anonymous]

* He's sending mixed signals: Inconsistent communication, "te quiero mucho" but no real commitment.

* You're caught in a limbo: Wanting a serious relationship but unsure of his intentions.

* Focus on yourself: Limit contact, pursue your own interests, and don't settle.

* Be direct but gentle: Communicate your needs and boundaries.

* Trust your gut: If it feels wrong, it probably is.

Essentially, don't let him string you along. Prioritize your own happiness and don't settle for anything less than what you deserve.

[PeachyPie93]

Don't know.. you were the one who said you weren't ready so you either make the move and let him know you like him and want to date. Tho he could always not feel the same way anymore..

[Valdemort]

You move on and live your best live without him.
If you really want him, don't go after him at all.

[Anonymous]

Ask him out but have a proper serious one on one convo, no bs and if he's not interested move on

[Nikki1989]

An ex is an ex for a reason.

[lovelylia]

idc girl i miss this man😭😭😭😭

[In_Trance]

you don't