Why can’t I find someone that loves me as much as I love them?

[Breanna83727]

A little backstory I’ve been with my boyfriend around six months (I know it’s not a lot but everything starts somewhere) and I’ve poured my heart out for him and has cared for him so insanely much and I never try to make him upset and if I do, I immediately apologize and I do whatever he says to make him happy but it just feels like he isn’t doing the same like I know he loves me, but I wish he would care more and love me like the way I love him. Like an example is I was upset today at something he did and he apologized. Don’t give me wrong, but it didn’t feel as since you’re as I apologize to him and some messages I for my house out and telling him how much I love him and I’m insanely grateful for him but all he says is I love you and that’s it. (Please don’t say I should break up with him because I’m not doing that.) I just wish he loved me the way I love him.

[xkildy]

Don't listen to women who are single, such as your friends or co-workers—they're single for a reason. That's number one. Number two is, if he is not mature enough in both mind and body, then you don't need the headache and heartache.

What I mean is this: in time, maybe months or years, you will get tired of always saying you're sorry and giving him what he needs. Listen, honey, a relationship is 50/50—not about splitting money or rent down the middle. I'm saying that two consenting adults living together should love one another or have an agreement in matters.

Since you're in love with him, your role is to provide love, care, and respect for him (from looking at the text, you have those and are already doing it). Now it's his turn—he provides for you in terms of making money for both of you. But it's not just one thing; he needs to provide you with the love that you give him, the care that you give him, and, most importantly, support for you. This means each of you provides something in response to the other.

Say he pays the bills, then you help out with the household chores and make his life easier when he comes home. Or you provide help with rent, and the household chores are split into days. For example, on Monday and Thursday, he takes out the trash and helps you clean the dishes. Working together also helps keep a relationship strong.

Sex is not as important in the early days because you are both attracted to each other. But later on, when the honeymoon phase is over, sex is going to be an afterthought of sorts and may not work as well as it used to. Not that it's less fun, but it might feel the same no matter what you do. So you have to think: is this going to be fun in three years? Am I going to be tired of doing all this work and not getting anything in return?

So the point is, if I give my partner something such as time or peace, he gives me back love and respect. Nothing beats having a partner that understands you. If he doesn’t, leave him before you're pregnant.

[ohsheeT]

It's always going to be hard for you especially if you're dating guys your age because it is true girls are more mature more focused on the things they want in life then guys are at that age.

Guys your age don't even know what love is they think love is f****** somebody.

And then even when they think that and do that they're only thinking of themselves anyway they only want to get themselves off and not the girls stay with they're supposed to love and that really sucks too

But I'm truly sorry to say that you're going to always find this until you find that one needle in a haystack because you're always going to be much more mature much more focused and driven on the things that you want in life in the way the guy will be just because of maturity and a few other things too but still

And I felt your words so I know you have a beautiful heart and you are a good person you are a giver of yourself and your loyal and you make things work so I know you will find somebody but it's just going to take a long time and probably getting hurt a few times too on the way and I hated saying all that but it's true

[LilCorgiXx]

I totally understand how you are feeling. It sounds like you are giving so much of yourself to this relationship, and it is natural to want that same level of care and effort in return. Relationships are about balance, and it can be tough when it feels like you are giving more than you are receiving. Maybe it would help to have an open conversation with him about how you are feeling. Tell him how much his words mean to you, and that you would love for him to express his love in ways that feel more meaningful to you. It’s not about comparing gestures but about finding a way to connect that feels equal and fulfilling for both of you. It is important that both of you feel valued.

[DishLady]

He probably does, just some guys aren't as vocal about their love as women are. Possibly YOU need to tone your level of expression down to match his... then he'll see what it's like and probably ask if you're ok... And you WILL, be, but you just explain that you don't want to be too intense when he's doesn't seem so intense about his expressions of love.

You might ALSO want to check on what he does instead of vocalizing his affection. Is he doing things for you without your having to ask him? Is he helpful and loving to you in other ways?

Check it out.

[MrOracle]

You can, but you have to make sacrifices and you have to do the work up front. Most people aren't willing to do those things, yet still hope for good outcomes that are very unlikely to occur without the sacrifice and the up-front vetting.

The most important thing you have to learn is that you cannot change other people. If a guy is selfish, or indifferent, or distant, or irresponsible, or whatever on the day you meet him, he's almost certainly going to be that way the last day you ever spend with him. You cannot change other people! So, it's vitally important that you vet every potential new partner and find out about their morals, values, and life goals right from the beginning. No one will be perfect, but some things you can live with to get the things that really matter, and some things you can't live with. If you prioritize his looks, money, or status, you can almost never get the morals, values, and life goals that you NEED to be successful in the long term. You have to prioritize the most important things because you cannot change them after.

The only time you can vet a potential partner is at the very beginning, before you have committed to them. And if the vetting process reveals major red flags, you must be willing to end it, no matter how attractive he is or how much money he makes. You cannot have it all - that's a fantasy, not a reality. You have to make choices, and that means making a tradeoff
This isn't what most people want to hear, so most people ignore this advice, and keep having bad relationships. And they only have themselves to blame.

[OlderAndWiser]

Six months is a long relationship when you are 20 years old. It's not as if most folks your age have been with their partner for 5+ years.

People love in different ways and with different intensities. You can't convince him to change who he is to make you happy. Most people will not do that. The few people who might change for you will ultimately resent you for wanting them to change.

Dating is a process of getting to know someone to determine if you have enough similarities to be compatible long term. It sounds like you are always compromising for him to keep the relationship going, but eventually you will realize that a one-sided relationship can't survive indefinitely.

[FunkyMonkee]

I'm in the same situation! I've told her millions of times that I love her with all my heart and soul and, okay, she's said it to me a lot, too but then, she sneaks around behind my back LOOKING FOR excuses to break up with me!! And, by that, I mean, she puts 2 & 2 together and comes up with 73!! She's got herself convinced that another guy here is me under another s/n!! It's BAD ENOUGH that she's doing this shit to ME but, she accused him (and I) of shit that NEITHER OF US did, simply because SHE THINKS he and I are the same person!!! He's NOT!!! He's married, I'm not, he was brought up on a farm, I was not!! I even showed her video of my house from 6 weeks before I was born there!! If SOMEBODY THAT MATTERED SAW that accusation she falsely made of him, that could've SEVERELY fucked over his life!!! Mine, too but, I was more concerned for his!! An innocent man getting into serious trouble because someone I know and love did something REALLY STUPID AND CRAZY? THAT'S the straw that broke the camel's back!!!

Anyway, sorry to diverge but, maybe your boyfriend is one of these guys that just can't express himself. It's only been 6 months, keep working at him and he might eventually blossom like a flower. Are there any other ways that he at least SHOWS YOU that he loves you? Part of your question (near the bottom) made no sense at all so, I couldn't understand that part.
Does he initiate things like, kissing, holding hands, hugging, etc. or, does he just let you do all that? Does he even invite you places like, "Let's go get an ice cream cone." or, '"Wanna go see a movie with me?", etc? If you two start making out, does he show any passion in it?
Instead of breaking up with him, maybe you can try to just stay away from him for a little while. Do you know someone that has a getaway where you won't have access to him for maybe a week? Absence makes the heart grow fonder! Maybe, if he has no access to you for a week or two, his love with grow stronger and, when you get back, you might have a real lover on your hands!
Good luck! I hope some of this helped.

[Crazyced]

So we've learned he's verbally short both in showing affection and apologizing that makes you FEEL like he's not as sincere are you are.

What are the GOOD things that he does that you appreciate and fulfill your needs?

Sometimes we have to take a step back, introspect and separate our feelings from from behaviours to try and see if there's actually something there. Maybe he's short in words but would bend over backwards for you in act of service and gift giving in ways you wouldn't/couldn't, as love languages are different.

[Shiprex]

Ask yourself WHAT you want him to do to show he loves you. Expecting him to do these things in spite of YOU showing how YOU love him that he won't reciprocate the same way as you're not the same person is going to get you resenting his affection (in your mind lack of).
IF there is something you can express to him kindly that you'd LIKE him to do that can affirm in your mind that he does care, tell him, "I like it when you XZYXYA as it makes me feel like you love me". That way he's got no reason to either avoid doing XZYXYA or he can say he doesn't feel comfortable doing XZYXYA BUT will how about GHFRDU as a compromise? then you can both clarify what expectations you have for your individual love language.
You may find that all your pouring out love language is off putting and overwhelming for him and that he prefers other forms of love speak.

[RingOfFire]

People your age are often in love with love and not necessarily with the person they are with.

I suspect that might be the case here. If you're not feeling the love is being returned in the way that you need it this may not be the person for you. I know you don't want to hear that, but that's my gut feeling.

Yes 6 months is a short time. You cannot really develop the kind of deep love you are craving for someone in that short period of time. I think you are anxious for love. And sometimes that leaves you vulnerable. You may be in love with the person you wish you was, but he may not be that person.

I hope things work out between you. Only time will tell.

[nawtee_me]

Ahhhh conditional love…. I love you more than you love me…. Unconditional love says I love you even if you don’t love me….
1 Corinthians 13:4-7
New International Version
4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

[Uglygaypoorcoward94]

Thats the love of God not man, we are all condition based.

[slatyb]

Because you are investing too much too soon. Basically you are love-bombing every guy you meet before you even know him or he has gotten to know you. This is going to scare most away, and even if it did not, most will leave because that's how dating goes. Try taking it a bit more slowly.

[Jnix85]

I’m with you there. I always love more and always end up hurt and in pain. Nobody has ever loved me all the way as hard as possible with zero chance of them cheating or considering it. I have never cheated and when I am with someone I am with them and only them. I’m all in with no equivocations and very little can make me stop loving. It sucks to always be that person and the other person never matches you. I’ve wanted someone who could since I was 17 and I’m over 40 now and still haven’t found it.

[NicholasRedone]

@Breanna83727 I hear ya lady ♀️ mmm imagine being a guy lol however I've been stared at by two-three, possibly 4, separate women this year alone - crikey - what do the attractive ladies than me, see in the likes of me? I mean lol they're not drunk and they're clearly got two eyes.

Maybe I'm just "fit" as opposed to - shrug, everyone else around me "be letting themselves go waistlines wise like lol" crazy 🤣 crazy emoji eyes 🤯🤯🤯🤭🤭

[MaxW1]

Well i'd talk to my partner. Unrequited love is barely love. Even with context, its hard for me to tell because it's just a brief context. You should ask and talk about your worries, sometimes when they dont love you as much, it might be better to not pursue them further

[fantasticass]

You are treating him like a mother, not a girlfriend. Stop taking this abuse and Stand up for yourself.

[GODBODY954]

Just because someone don't love you the way you want to be loved doesn't means he don't. It just that you expecting more from him when he actually giving you his all even if it don't look like it to you.

[exitseven]

They really are in short supply. It might be easier to find a unicorn.

[Staximus]

Maybe he does love you as much as you love him, but he's not going to express his emotions like you do because he's not you

[Stevepro68]

That is your choice but choices have consequences you can't make someone love you more. That means you want to live with being less than your partner.

[Nikki1989]

Finding a love that is reciprocated fully takes time, self-awareness, healthy relationship skills and some good luck always helps.

[noohair]

He is who he is. You can't change that. If you try to change him that would be a bad idea. The only person you have any chance of changing is yourself. If you wanted someone super emotional in love with you, then you picked the wrong guy.

[orange_roach]

Here’s the thing: Not everyone has the same love language as you do, and that’s ok. He has his way but that doesn’t mean he doesn’t love you any less.

[orange_roach]

*he loves you any less
Just have to keep that in mind

[Ariesman81]

Men and women love differently. If he loved you the way you love him you would think he was a woman and dump him. Learn there are differences and accept him for what he is... a man.

[Breanna83727]

Are you ACTULLY okay? Just because I guy loves someone a lot doesn’t make them less of a man or a girl.

[Uglygaypoorcoward94]

well if the love was equal or he loved you more you would leave him for someone youd respect and worship. Like this you know u can lose him so u will do your duties to maintain the relationship

[Kelley1]

You do all the time. You are too selfish to love them. We all are.

[Intheclouds00]

There has never been a relationship where both people live each other equally. Someone invariably cares more than the other.

[SimpleGirl07]

probably end up finding people that aren’t good for us.

[Professor-college]

That's a question that many of us have asked ourselves every once in awhile I guess

[Rena90]

Probably looking for someone to fit all the boxes or most it one who do aren't good for you’s.

[SleepingHazard]

People are shit at being real.

[dustybiker2]

You'll never find it. You earn that.

[itsannalee]

Because you don’t love yourself enough…

[WhitneySnow]

He does. Guys are just not as expressive.

[dudeinohio]

Talk to him about this.

[Pterodon]

You’re still very young

[Crazzyyworld]

Love takes time

[Anonymous]

You don't want to hear the answer to this.

[Sevenpointfive]

go on a date

[Faith777]

Yes I feel the same

[Anonymous]

Destiny