Guys, My boyfriend told me to stop saying I love you, but he seems sad that I don’t say it. What should I do?

[Anonymous]

My boyfriend recently told me that It bothers him when I say “I love you” because he feels pressured to say it back. He said he is not used to saying that and he said that I say it so much that it bothers him. So even though I feel love towards him, I decided to stop saying it. When he have conversations now by text or phone, I just say “bye” instead of “I love you, bye”. I can tell that he waits for me to say it since he doesn’t hang up right away after I say “bye”. By the tone in his voice, he seems sad that I don’t say it and just says, “bye” back very solemnly. I feel bad about it and am not sure what to do. Do you think he wants me to say it or misses that he me saying it? Should I say it to him, but not as often? What should I do and why do you think he wanted me to stop and now seems like he wants me to say it?

[Oliverlogan263]

Aw man, that's gotta be a tough situation. It sounds like your boyfriend has some mixed feelings about the whole "I love you" thing. On the one hand, he's told you that it bothers him when you say it a lot because he feels pressured to say it back. But then his reaction when you stop saying it seems to suggest that he actually misses you saying it.

It's kind of a tricky balance, ya know? You want to respect his boundaries and not make him uncomfortable, but at the same time, it seems like he might want that affection and reassurance.

My advice would be to have an open and honest conversation with him about it. Let him know that you've noticed he seems a bit down when you don't say "I love you" anymore, and ask him to clarify what he's really comfortable with. Maybe a compromise could be that you say it less often, but still make sure he knows how you feel.

Communication is key here. You don't want to keep walking on eggshells, but you also don't want to push him too far out of his comfort zone. Try to find that middle ground where you both feel respected and appreciated.

And don't be afraid to be vulnerable and share your own feelings too. Letting him know how much his affection means to you might help him open up a bit more. Just take it step-by-step and see if you can get on the same page.

I know it's not an easy situation, but I believe you two can work through it. As long as you're both willing to listen and compromise, there's a solution out there. Hang in there, girl! Let me know if you need any other advice.

[Anonymous]

You should ask him if there is a particular reason why he told you to stop.

[Asker]

He said that I say it too much and he is not used to hearing it or saying it. He grew up in a dysfunctional household and no one ever said I love you. I grew up with the opposite in my house, we say it often. He said he just felt like every time I said it he had to say it back. It made him feel forced to say it. He said he shows love rather than says it, but now he seems sad that I don’t say it.

[Opinion Owner]

I do not like saying those three words myself. I always show love in my actions of giving gifts and other things that make me her happy in the relationship.

[Asker]

I want to respect his feelings and that’s why I stopped saying it, but now he waits for me to say it and when I don’t he seems sad. I am not sure what to do.

[Opinion Owner]

You need to respect his wishes. He told you not to say those three words anymore. He would not have said that if it is not what he truly wants or in this case doesn't want.

[Asker]

Thank you for your help, I appreciate it. I will respect his wishes and not say it.

[Opinion Owner]

You are most welcome.