Why is my boyfriend bothered by not being able to say "I love you"?

[Kinno]

Hello,

My boyfriend and I are both 26 years old and we are together since 5 months. I have to precise he his my first boyfriend. We don't live together but we often spend the weekend together. Last weekend, he says that he feels that I am emotionally closer to him, these times. He confessed that it scares him and doesn't see himself say "I love you" to me and says he couldn't say it back if I told him. In his previous relationships, he would say "I love you"' to a maximum of 6 months and doesn't know why he doesn't feel to say it to me : if it's because I am his first one, because he's been hurt in the past... It bothers him.

For my part, I said I wanted to take time on my side too, because I am not sure of my feelings and I want to be cautious. Deep down, what he confessed hurt me and I cried when I got back home. I have low self confidence and it makes me ask questions about myself and if I am good enough for him or not...

Have you guys or girls experienced something similar or have any advice to give me?

[livin_hi_808]

Before I give my opinion on this I'm going to tell you the facts. No one can tell you exactly why he won't say it or why he's bothered by the idea but if he brought it up then he's definitely thinking about it and you. Just don't push. Give him a chance to breathe. He's obviously not completely over his last love or the pain that followed his last love. Also, love is personal. It doesn't necessarily need to be reciprocated with words for it to be real. If you feel it wanna say it then say it. But I can tell you one thing, it's better if you wait, slow down and give your relationship time to grow and flourish and bit. Have a few really good fights and if after the fights to say anything and if you two still together then you know it's real.
Right now you two are just getting to know each other and I'm going to say that you're getting to know each other sexually more than personally or emotionally. Take your time. Get out of the happy sex phase and remember that he's your first boyfriend. You're only feeling most of your emotions because you're programmed to feel that way from the images in your held. Your perception of relationships. Date a little more before you love. It'll help you way more in the end than you know now

[Kinno]

Thank you for your answer and advice, your words soothed me in a way. And indeed you are completely right, we are just in the beginning and starting to know each other, and indeed bonding sexually.
That's why I felt surprised when he said it bothered him not to say it, as I never mentioned in any way this topic. I feel like we need to time to see how our relationship will evolve, and not force things in any way.

[Carolus]

Because he doesn’t feel the same and ain’t that kind of a person who says what isn’t true like many. He’s saying indirectly that you don’t have to be hopeful because it ain’t happening. Same with a person who isn’t into someone (someone who is serious and after marriage) and talks ill or against marriages.

[Phoenix98]

Love isn’t something that can be forced likewise those words can’t either you can’t put a timeframe on either.

If it happens then it’ll happen when it happens on it’s on time.

He said what he said because he doesn’t want to hurt you or for you to think it’s your fault if it doesn’t happen or happens later.

But if neither one of you love each other then I wouldn’t worry about it right now.

[Anonymous]

"In his previous relationships, he would say "I love you"' to a maximum of 6 months and doesn't know why he doesn't feel to say it to me : if it's because I am his first one,"
How it's his first one if he was already in relationships?

[Kinno]

Sorry, I didn't write it well...
I wanted to say "because he is my first one", that's what he told me, I think it scares him in a way.

[exitseven]

I was afraid to say it too. I finally decided to do it one night. We were in my car and when we got to where we were going it was dark out. Ijust put my arm around her and softly said "I love you" and she actually said it back.

[Static_In_The_Attic]

Lust it may be right now & love can happen over time & your boyfriend will say he loves you & you’ll know it.

[Danny_dan92]

So are you ready to say it then? Cause if not you’re being one sided

[Kinno]

No, I am not ready to say it but I would never have brought the subject up because I think it can't be a thing that can be forced, or said after x months of relationship. But after all, it's my first relationship and it's not his case. He compares our relationship to his previous experiences and what he considers "normal in a couple", he said.

[Danny_dan92]

Ok then if you aren’t ready to say it you shouldn’t expect it. Common sense

[Kinno]

But why is he so bothered by not being able to say it while I never expected it or mentioned such a topic?
It should be natural and I am not worrying about not being ready to say it now.

[Danny_dan92]

Probably cause he wants to say but feels he can’t or shouldn’t

[Iron_Man]

If he was really in love with you he would have no problem saying it and shy has nothing to do with it

[flirtatiousgirl]

I think he has doubts

[Avicenna]

It’s understandable