My boyfriend never says 'I love you'. Am I right to assume it's because he simply doesn't love me?

[Anonymous]

My boyfriend and I have been together for more than a year. He never said the words 'I love you'. Am I right to assume it's because he simply doesn't love me? He said he is wary of women after a bad divorce. He cooks for me and does me favors, cuddles a lot and tries to please me in bed., and is even letting me stay at his house for an extended period of time, and spending Christmas and New Year together. I love him and wish that he loved me too, but I feel hopelessness and am afraid he's been stringing me along for over a year. I told him I would do anything for him, and he just said 'I know'.

Updates

+1 y

I love him regardless.

[loveslongnails]

He's been butt hurt, divorced, and he doesn't "ultimately" trust women. He probably isn't stringing you along, but rather is quite content with your company and the knowledge that you're crazy about him. However, that knowledge also means he knows you're not likely to leave, so why should he utter those three little words again?

The ball is in your court right now. You have to decide if what you have is enough for you or not. If you want to take "the next steps", are you willing to wait and see if he initiates them? If not, you'll have to. However, if you initiate them, you have to be fully prepared for a response you don't want. My "guess" is if he's not saying he loves you on his own, he's not going to feel like saying it if you ask him " do you love me?".

But even if he said "yes", that's not really the only thing you want to know, is it? You want to know "well, if you do, why don't you ever tell me, and where are we going with it?" These are questions he may not have answers for, or they may trigger his fears and he'll say "if this isn't good enough for you... etc, etc". So if you're going to ask, be ready for anything from best to worst in your eyes. If you're going to wait, you have to be content doing that, because guys will go along indefinitely if they can do so without formally committing, and you've got a divorcee with a bad breakup.

[Asker]

What I have is not by any means enough. He’s going to find out the hard way, when I just up and leave.

[loveslongnails]

After being together a year, he deserves to know why you'd be leaving, don't you think?

[NC12396]

Why do you keep telling him that you love him? Pls don't pressurize him in saying those words. Give him freedom to feel your love. Enjoy what he does for you. Let him feel free. Don't bound relationships on him.
A female friend of mine kept telling me I am his friend. Because of that I felt so bound that I used to tell her everything. But now I realise extreme honesty is too very bad because she doesn't respect me and thinks I am desperate or needy and clingy. I am also afraid of women and that's why I take time to connect or feel that bonding. The girl mentioned above told me 10-15 times friend but I only said it once. Because I never felt she actually means it. She never initiated talks, never included me in her life, never wanted to know my whereabouts. She just said Hai and left everytime I faced her. I only put efforts to get that friendship working. It's was me who initiated communication. But she didn't value it. That's why I couldn't trust her or feel secure. So may be same issue is with your boyfriend. Also it can be otherwise. Whatever it is, just give him time, value his efforts, respect him, make him feel wanted, secure, loved and include him in your few of activities so he feels important.

[ragequeen]

I'm struggling with the opposite. My man says I love you all the time but never physically shows it. He struggles with doing things for me.

But in your case, actually showing someone that you love them is far more valuable. Words mean nothing without actions. At least he is acting on it. Maybe he is afraid of those words because they were being said all the time in his previous relationship, but it ended in a bad divorce. Give him time. You've only been together a year. Be patient. He does love you. Very much. And he proves that.

[Lina26]

I was in a relationship with a divorced guy. He was truly hurt and had trust issues at the time.
He loves you , but due to his experience he is holding back because he doesn't want to get hurt again. I'm not saying you'd hurt him , but you need to be more patient I know a year is a long time, but in my opinion would be worth the wait. Show him your love and care , and be patient.
Good luck to you

[Shihab91]

well said

[ItsMeItsMe1989]

Looks like a bit of a biased MHO to me, but, it's whatever

[Asker]

@ItsMeItsMe1989 It was from somebody who has been in a similar situation, and quite detailed. That's why the MHO.

[ItsMeItsMe1989]

That's why it's biased hun

[Finchie40]

Me personally doesn’t think it should be hard for someone to say I love you when you actually love someone , just like it isn’t hard
To text someone back that you apparently love, people that can hold these walls up isn’t a good sign , , if someone can’t get over their past then they don’t deserve to be someone’s future is the way I look at it , Actions do speak louder than words but words and actions speak louder than anything , don’t ever settle for someone that can’t settle for you , we can only give what we want to receive , don’t ever be a convenience or a punching bag to someone , value your self worth and realize you deserve to be loved the same way you love someone back

[JackSmy]

He is saying "I LOVE YOU" with all the things he does for you, that he knows you like!! You are just to BLIND to see he has a different way of "saying" how much he loves you!!!
Assuming he will express his feelings, LIKE YOU, as a WOMAN, is just stupid!!! He is a GUY, and we express ourselves in different ways!! All the things he does for you, every day, is his way of saying how much he loves you!

[DizzyDesii]

Either he loves you but is too shy to say it OR he loves you but is too ashamed to say it OR he loves you but feels no need to express it aloud OR just simply he doesn't love you. Either way, all 4 of those are grounds for breaking up if he doesn't get his shit together quick lol

[Little_Bumblebee]

Some people don't say those words often or easily.
But to me, it sounds like he does.

Think of the different love languages there are. I think he's telling you through actions instead of words.

If you're really worried then have a talk with him.

[Cher070901]

I feel like because he is able to open his home and also take on a caregiver role in a sense, that he does have feelings and a bond with you. If he has had a bad divorce, there is a strong chance he’s afraid to take that step and let down his walls to be vulnerable and susceptible to more heartbreak. He may want to make sure it’s real before he says he loves you. I love you are 3 of the most powerful words when put together. Actions speak louder than words, give it time, try expressing how it’s concerning

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

Look, in 20 years my hubby barely EVER said those words. But he "showed" me everyday... Don't get so caught up in words anyone can say, and not always mean... Pay attention to his actions and the way he treats you and the little things he does to show her cares. When it comes to love, some are Sayers some are showers, great if have both, but if I had too choose one or the other, actions speak way louder and truer than words..

[PaynefulPleasures]

Some individuals have a really hard time expressing themselves verbally, so they do it through actions. Hence the saying actions speak louder than words, but we do like the verbal side also. Have you spoke to him about this matter? See what he says to you, from what you've said he loves you just my opinion.

[Tonytoutouni123]

Maybe its because of this reason:

Should a man avoid to show his love to his girlfriend any more than necessary?

[Anonymous]

Give it time. Love takes time to grow and for some, longer than others. It doesn't mean he doesn't care for you and will NEVER love you, it just might take him a little longer. Especially with his past relationships. Just give him time. Enjoy your time and don't pressure him and I'm sure the day will come.

[Opinion Owner]

In reading comments, I also agree with him showing love. His actions can tell you this even more than his words. And a lot of guys have trouble expressing feelings verbally.

[Asker]

Does it normally take 15 months?

[mizakazim6996]

He is a guy. Most guys will never say I love you. We do it with our actions. Daily we do things for you that shows our love but for some reason you girls do not see it.


It’s the same case with my wife, she asks me if I really love her because I don’t say I love you. I’m like, do I not buy you clothes sometimes even if you didn’t ask me or do other things on my own, they prove my love for you so yeah. We guys tend to show our love differently

[20yearsolder]

I think your assumption is wrong, he shows you that he loves you, women hear the words I love you everyday but their man doesn't show them love. What does he gain by stringing you along?

[Asker]

Exactly, I’ve been wondering too, why would he do that, especially since he’s been upset about a friend who was strung along for a long time.

[jadesensei]

You should definitely read the book : five languages of love. He is already showing how much he loves you by his actions and confidences.

You could read that book together and discover how the both of you express love and how you would like to receive it.

[LZPanzer]

There is definitely a psychological hang up on his part. I wouldn't worry about it too much. Just keep being loyal to him.

[MzAsh]

I think she should absolutely be concerned. If he can’t say I love you because he has trust issues because of someone of the past, how else won’t he be able to commit to her? It’s not fair to her at all and he should seek psychological help.

[Gatotkca]

It took me like 7 months to say for my x i love you and why is that... i am not sure.. give him time

[Jan3yodafan]

He likely loves you but is too scared to admit it. Don’t pressure him. He’ll get there eventually.

[oncpl]

He is loving and caring guy. Some guys don't utter words,"I love you" but inwardly they are in love. You have already mentioned a lot. What else do you need? Listening love dialog?

[Pogi-Paddy]

No I wouldn't assume that, some guys take longer than others to express their feelings. Guys are wired differently than women are. If you love him, just be patient.

[K-I-S-S]

I never do it too. Doesn't mean i don't. We have been together for over 10 years now and i have said it about 30 times, probably.

[msbrightness]

You could argue I love you means I care - but also 'I need support'.
The presence counts, and reliability

[kennobi]

Just listen to this classic song

https://youtu.be/aipJ6YTf3Pw

.. Then see how you'd feel afterwards.