Why is it so difficult to meet a guy who wants to date?

[Anonymous]

I've been in an new city 3 years now. I'm attractive, active and outgoing. I've attended many Meetup events, groups and dating apps. The dating scene is a trash can.. mostly go on many 1st dates. I've gone several months without the dating apps and just enjoy my best sine life, nothing still happens. In social events, I have open body language, sometimes I ask a guy if he want to exchange #'s. Im baffled. Guys on apps are socially inept or something. Or they just want to get laid. Im exhausted..

[abc3643]

When I was a little younger than you (this was 32-33 years ago), I had moved to the Los Angeles area. I took myself out of circulation because I had a huge heartbreak that I still have not completely gotten over.

However, I realized that one day I'd have to go back into the dating world... of Los Angeles which, if you've never been there, is not exactly a normal place; there's a good reason it has earned the nickname "La La Land".

So, I began to think about how I would do it - get back into the dating world. I must admit, I was bit baffled. Keep in mind that this was just as the Internet was about to become public, but there was nothing like dating sites back then... and I didn't have a computer with a modem anyway. There were no smart phones and cell phones were, for the most part, still science fiction for most people. And, to top it all off, I worked in a place that was a sausage party. There was one beautiful woman that I might have been interested in - she was sweet and nice - but she was the mother of a 10-year old and her ex-husband (who was a very good-looking guy) lived next door to her. Culturally, we would have been different; she was religious and likely a bit more conservative than me. Besides, I was still heartbroken, so that was out really (I wanted to marry that girl who dumped me). But, other than this woman at work, I didn't know any available females about my age. And I didn't have any real friends while I lived there. If I really had to "get out there", I am not sure what I would have done.

In short, I likely would have been in a similar situation like you except the technology and society have changed a bit.

OK, enough about my past because that doesn't really help you but I hope shows you that I empathize because I was in a similar situation.

OK, here's what you CAN do...

First, do what you are doing... enjoying your single life... Feel free to get more involved in your hobbies and interests. Sooner or later, you will run into an available man who shares those interests with you. So, for instance, you say you got to meetups... If these are meetups specifically for dating, don't bother. You don't go shopping for new shoes at the car dealer. You want to go to a meetup group about the same interests you have. Two things can happen: You will make new friends and 1) some may be female and you can get close to them and THEY might be able to find you a man who'd be good for you and 2) you might meet an available guy who shares your interests at the meetup group.

That's just one idea. I do have more, but a major factor is simply meeting men. After that, it's relatively easy, especially if you are good-looking but not too good-looking because that raises a complication that requires more work.

If you don't mind my asking, in what city are you located now and where are you originally from?

You can PM me if you like but, in the PM, please let me know it is in regards to this question.

[Asker]

I dont want to say my city.. it's a major one downtown. I usually attend same interest groups and meetups and still nothing! Thanks

[abc3643]

Please PM me. I've been all over the USA so knowing your city may be able to help me better help you.

You've lived in this place for 3 years. You must have some friends by now, no?

[Anonymous]

Well for one could be your age. Most men tend to want someone younger. Not all but a lot. Two being that you’re older you’re probably stuck in your ways that men don’t like. The other reason, men usually don’t go to those meetup events. It’s usually a lot of lonely, older women. The other reason is if you have kids. A lot of men don’t want to date a girl who has kids. It’s hard to say. Are you career oriented? If so that could be another reason.

[Asker]

No kids. Not climbing a corporate ladder. No a ton of mem go to events 😆 it's sometimes a sassage fest!! Not lonley women, lonley men. At least women can get laid eaiser.

[Opinion Owner]

Then it just might be your age or not as attractive as you say you are. It could also be that you have a lot of issues. If a girl is really pretty. I mean pretty from a man’s POV, not most women’s. She will more than likely have no problem meeting a man. But if she’s got issues, that’s what’s going to push them away. So when a girl whom is very pretty can’t find a man, that’s usually the case.

[DishLady]

The *apps* are trash. The prefab groups and meetup scene is also on the predatory side. Just go to a local community event or engage in an environmental activity (community garden etc.) to make friends and possibly meet someone.

[Fireguy17]

same as finding a woman that wants to date.
Try something like the pay to join sites.
Because it costs money the majority of people are really looking for someone, but I'm sure there are a few just looking for hook ups.
Something like It's just lunch, eHarmony.
eHarmony is where I met my wife.
I live in a small rural area, and didn't get out much, so it worked well for me.
I had a number of close but not quite relationships but I kind of knew when I met her, and she knew right away.
It must have been the newer clean fire department shirt I had on under my shirt. Otherwise, I have no clue what it could have been, but we just celebrated our 7th anniversary, and no, not on Valentine's day.

[Bklynbadboy12]

That's crazy I live in New York city and I don't get that at all

[Anonymous]

you're 40 years no one wants you for long term.