Why is it so hard for relatively normal guys to get a date nowadays?

[JHAYES317]

I’ve tried the dating apps, rarely get matches. I’ve tried speed dating, get no response a lot of the time. I’ve even tried blind dating, and she friend zoned me. Is it that modern girls are just really picky or what? Cause even on dating apps the stats suggest that guys under 6 ft shouldn’t even bother…

[lightbulb27]

‘Stone sharpens stone’. You need to work on yourself as you are getting consistent feedback.


Youve got 2-3 seconds when meeting girl to impress. After that… the bitch shield goes up and unless you are cery persistent… forget it.


So time to do some work. Hire a wing girl to watxh you socialize, watch videos , read books and practice. Learn to be yoir better self.


Dont know what that is… then daye yourself and impress the hell out if everyone how amazing of a person and life you are to be around.


Start there. If you can't step up to that then time to see a therapist about your early life traumas, its going to come up anyways might as well get a jump start.

[JHAYES317]

@lightblub27 that doesn’t help with online dating…

[lightbulb27]

if all you do is see problems, can't help you. Yes it does. Go to a bar or social place, ask girls their opinions of your profile. See if you can find one that will be your wing girl to help you out. don't make moves on any of them [for you should appraoch a group of girls not one].

[JHAYES317]

@lightbulb27 my point is that doesn’t fix the societal stigmas against average guys…I don’t want to have try really fucking hard just to get a date, not worth it. I shouldn’t have to kill myself while the Chris hemsworth’s of the world can just be flooded with dms…

[lightbulb27]

Everything is hard, until it no longer becomes hard... e. g. you've learned the valuable lessons.
Girls are looking for a certain thing at those ages, they engage, communicate differently. They think differently and each has their own ideas of whom they'd date.
What you are doing is taking experience and generalizing it to defeatism, rather than focus on what you do have and making it better.
That's a self fulfilling mentality that ensures failure. There's so many examples of average, short, below average guys getting girls it's not even funny.
The hard part is really looking at yourself, what you offer in value.
From what I hear... it's like you know nothing. I used to be there, and it was a 20+ year slog through misery to get married.
Sooner you take the steps the sooner you get to the other side. I listed some above. The answer for sure is... you need to "up your game" as a man for if you don't, the girls will ditch you and trash you inside 3 seconds. That... is their skill!
Online... is hard, if not impossible for most. A total waste. Not where Id start.

[JHAYES317]

@lightbulb27 my point is constantly trying to be on the top of your game is exhausting and not worth it.

[lightbulb27]

Then stay single. I don't have to be, but I work towards what I need to work on.
It's not easy for women either. You think it's easy applying all those products to look beautiful, in shape, be feminine yet strong, carry a baby around for 9 months and then for 21 years more support?
Get out of your own head... that would be big progress...

[JHAYES317]

@lightbulb27 I’m not saying I’m unwilling to put in any effort…I agree that trying to take care of yourself to some degree and having some goals and career aspirations is important…but I’m not willing to be a workaholic just to get a girl because I’m not a competitive person

[lightbulb27]

I don't think you understand women... so that's what you need to learn.

[JHAYES317]

@lightbulb27 I understand women…but I can’t just suddenly not be insecure…

[tzdc21]

Oh there's so much to unpack here. But it all has to do with unrealistic standards, lack of morals, lack of commitment, and social media.

[desidoll]

The current dating world has been ruined by social media. Everyone expects someone unrealistic. You are not alone.

[Jay-_-]

Then why am I alone 🤷🏽😭 💀

[Dan_5001]

Because the media as a collective has ruined society and doesn't want to take accountability, but so everyone can do the blame game on each other.

[Jay-_-]

Relax Dan, I think you're projecting personality 💀

[JHAYES317]

@desidoll speak for yourself. As long as a girl is not obese, I don’t typically care what else she has going for her (unless in extreme circumstances)

[desidoll]

Now I see why you can’t score any woman. Your personality is such a turn off. You clearly have issue. You refuse to take advice and I bet not wanting to seek help too. You just want to play that self pity game.

[Jay-_-]

I don't know who you're implying, whatrrrrr I do 😭😂

[desidoll]

@Jay-_- oh, I was replying to him lol sorry for some reasons the tagging didn’t work.

[JHAYES317]

@desidoll literally all I said was that I don’t have unrealistic expectations…I’m not sure how you jumped from that to “unwilling to take advice or get help” lol

[Jay-_-]

@desidoll np 😁🤞🏼

[handsomelad70]

Lots of ladies aren't interested in average lads, just the out-theres.

[Lara_Croft]

Act lost in home dépôt or something

[Haraklus]

Women have better options than relatively normal guys. That's just how it is today.

Also, men have not really had to compete with each other on the basis of actual sex appeal or attractiveness for a long time, possibly since the dawn of agriculture. So far fewer men are really attractive in terms of what appeals to women.

Meanwhile, women have been selected almost 100% for sex appeal for the last several thousand years. So virtually all women are attractive to men.

It makes sense, then, that women are going after a minority of men, while most men would be pretty content with a fairly normal woman.

[Lynx122]

That's just how the world is now. Personally I just focus on my life and I don't chase women. Right now I'm in a relationship it's a bit complicated to describe but I'm happy. It's important to find happiness by yourself and then a woman is just an option. If you work on yourself by the time you're 33 things will get easier :)

[JacobJordan]

It isn't you. Women have massively unrealistic standards and when they hit 30+ and are run through and miserable not being able to find anyone they will start looking at guys like you as their meal ticket. Some advice now don't fall for it. Leave them to wither up and die alone. You will find yourself getting more attention as you age

[SolitarySolace]

Dating apps don’t work. Dating in general is pointless these days. All the guy is doing is wasting money on someone you won’t know tomorrow. I’m hopes of what? Finding someone who will only love you for a week and then start fucking another dude behind your back? Or you end up marrying them and have kids and end up in a messy divorce where she gets everything you’ve worked so hard for. 🤷🏻‍♂️ Then what? Try again? You’re already back to square 1. Broke and Maybe even resentful

[CheeseMonster]

Because the options for finding a date have been reduced to things like apps, speed dating, and blind dates. Those kind of setups very rarely work for anyone, especially average people. There need to be more places where adults can hang out and meet new people in real life casually. Not just bars and clubs where drinking is involved. The average adult is very lonely nowadays, not just romantically but even lacking friendships. It's harder to make any connections now.

[NathanDavis]

you're not normal though...

you're already obsessed with the 6ft mark

and this is probably why most girls don't want that kind of insecurity

[JHAYES317]

@NathanDavis when did I say I was obsessed with the 6 ft mark? I was citing a study that proved that most girls filter out any heights under 6 ft on dating apps

[NathanDavis]

and there is the need to point at studies <<< this is why girls just walk away

mystery solved

[JHAYES317]

@NathanDavis again that doesn’t explain my lack of dating app results…I don’t even approach girls so I’m not sure what the hell you are talking about

[NathanDavis]

even I knew it before you said it... when you wrote the question as -relatively normal-

[NathanDavis]

what does your dating app bio says... or your description?

[JHAYES317]

@NathanDavis well I’m short and neurodivergent so I’m not 100% normal but I’m not like crippled or something so that’s why I said relatively normal

[JHAYES317]

@NathanDavis dating app bios don’t matter when you have evidence like this: www.eviemagazine.com/.../only-15-women-interest-58-men-dating-apps-according-survey

[NathanDavis]

point proven...

[JHAYES317]

@NathanDavis yeah…mine

[NathanDavis]

I bet you have at least 10 more links about how "short guys this or that"

but no... you are not obsessed about the 6ft mark at all, no... lol

[JHAYES317]

@NathanDavis im obsessed with fixing this stigma against things out of our control…not specifically just height…so i could give a shit about the 6 ft mark…

[NathanDavis]

so... I was right

you are obsessed... you do have plenty to say about 6ft height whining...

and no girl really wants to put up with this insecure nonsense... first dates are supposed to be fun, lol

[JHAYES317]

@NathanDavis it’s not insecurity if it affects my career…insecurity is when you are worried about things that really have no bearing on your life…

[NathanDavis]

you have nothing to offer that they want... that simple

all this you spray on here... none of it

[JHAYES317]

@NathanDavis ok well neither do like 70% of guys 18 - 29 then because apparently that’s the percentage of single men…if they are looking for stuff that only 20% of men can provide they need to lower their standards

[petitedollbabee]

It’s not, good people get picked up pretty fast. There’s always a reason why someone is having a hard time with dating, and sometimes it’s worth looking inwards rather than blaming anything and everything outside of themselves.

[JHAYES317]

@petitedollbabee if I was going around asking out girls sure…but that wouldn’t explain my lack of success on dating apps since personality isn’t even a factor initially

[IslaTheWitch]

work on yourself, your strengths, weaknesses, things you want to master

personality > appearance

[JHAYES317]

@islathewitch I do tend to turn women off in my experience when I talk about my insecurities…so maybe I should just act like I have no worries in the world?

[IslaTheWitch]

no act...

[IslaTheWitch]

solve your problems, accept yourself and be genuinely confident

[JHAYES317]

@islathewitch I can’t solve my problems they are chronic medical conditions

[IslaTheWitch]

almost every medical condition (except terminal illness or loosing a limb) can be treated to put it in bearable level or remission. Sometimes a lot of time and effort is needed. Focus on looking for solutions not giving up

[JHAYES317]

@islathewitch they are bearable but that doesn’t mean they don’t affect my life…and I’ve been trying for years and years. Obviously I’m not closed off to solutions…but I’ve given up spending all my energy trying to fix it because its just hit dead end after dead end. Besides I don’t want to be with a woman who would reject me for those medical conditions anyway…

[Knightwatch27]

You just said it yourself. "Relatively normal". Standards begin at above average nowadays even for the minimum, especially on dating apps, sad but true. Dating apps can be good for stroking ego (or crushing it if you're unlucky) but I prefer irl encounters way more. Meeting someone should be organic.

[DextroShade]

Feminism and social media have turned most women into entitled, narcissistic whores. You now have women who are obese baby mommas demanding six foot tall men making six figures, it's ridiculous! I am glad I married one of the last good ones.

[SolitarySolace]

One of the last good ones eh? I’m sure that’s what all men say about their wives before she divorced him and takes everything he worked so hard to achieve. 🤷🏻‍♂️ but that won’t happen right? She looooooves you 🤣

[sheikalana]

Women are picky. Most of them are not attracted to the 'relatively normal guy' anymore.

[sheikalana]

Either that or you're trying to date women that are way out of your league.

[JHAYES317]

@sheikalana well most men are relatively normal so…and women can’t possibly all expect to end up with gigachads…

[sheikalana]

Well, your definition of 'relatively normal' may not be the same as them.

[JHAYES317]

@sheikalana my definition of normal is the statistical norms for a man in the US…

[itsclearlynicholas]

Competition 😛💫 chicks are shy 😅 chicks wait for the guy ♂️ lol. I'm single cause no chick has asked 🥰

[ProbablyClueless]

I think a lot of that is because getting into relationships simply isn't a priority for a lot of people.

[Unit1]

Precisely why i overall hardly bother with dating. It appears that most girls aren't interested in getting a boyfriend anymore.

[BarryLiverstone]

This year, how many girls have you approached and asked for their number?

[JHAYES317]

@barrylivertstone 0. Cold approaching does not work for socially awkward guys

[BarryLiverstone]

It sure does, it’s a learned skill. If you never try, you can expect results.

[Awesomesauce2005]

It does for me, try giving them your number instead of getting theirs. It gives them more control over the situation. It has worked well for me so far

[Anonymous]

Lol its because you are not normal. But most guys don't have luck on dating apps unless they stand out somehow.

Girls like guys who have confidence among everything. Height is important too and your hobbies

[JHAYES317]

Well I’m short and neurodivergent, chronically ill, and sporadically employed. So I guess I should just go fuck myself then lol

[Opinion Owner]

You just need to find girls like you

[JHAYES317]

@badpear006 easier said than done

[Opinion Owner]

I know. My brother is in the same situation he struggles but he has no social life

[JHAYES317]

@badpear006 I’m not that bad…I have a social life, it’s just I’m too awkward to just chat up girls randomly

[Opinion Owner]

Yeah similar to my bro. You just need to gain confidence

[JHAYES317]

@badpear006 hard to be confident when don’t have a lot going for you

[Opinion Owner]

Improve yourself then

[JHAYES317]

@badpear006 I can’t get taller, I can’t get more well endowed, and I can’t get rid of my chronic medical conditions…so I’m not sure what you want me to do…

[Opinion Owner]

You're good looking. Wear good perfume, dress well. You need to stop fearing rejection and keep on trying to ask girls out.

[JHAYES317]

@badpear006 I do dress well and wear cologne, women have found me attractive before but then they find me awkward to talk to and also think I’m too short…even when I’ve gotten numbers, I get ghosted

[Opinion Owner]

Work on your social skills

[JHAYES317]

@badpear006 im neurodivergent that’s impossible

[jahaims]

Females have more options online. Societal and cultural values changed

[Jay-_-]

I don't know why but they don't know what their missing 😭 I'll treat em like no other 🤷🏽

[JayBones2469]

It isn't. If it's hard, you aren't relatively normal

[Paul09]

This world is upside down, that's why. Picky people too.

[war_daddy]

just go to a starbucks near a university

[Anonymous]

Due to feminism and hoeflation.