How long can a guy be single before it becomes a red flag to women?

[Anonymous]

Just curious about this

[Anonymous]

There have been studies on this and hitting 30 results in a massive decrease in people's chances of finding a partner. "I'm 29 so the best of my years on the market are well behind me and I don't have anything a woman would find appealing. There is more than one way to be a red flag too.

I wouldn't say I'm a red flag in nasty ways but between my depression, Trauma, being just a step above homeless and average looking even when I put in a lot of effort. I've never hit a woman before in fact for a few I basically felt like I moved a damn mountain. I try to treat them with respect and do genuinely want a loving partner and to start a family in a committed relationship, but the fact of the matter is I just don't have a lot of appeal for the other reasons.

One of the things messing with my head right now is I'm almost thirty and have nothing to show for it. That's what I mean when I say I'm a red flag. I'm not really one in any sense of like abuse etc. but in terms of what I have to offer yea I'm a red flag. Pretty much I think people look at someone in my situation even if it's only from a purely financial perspective a red flag because they see a lack of success at that point in your life as proof, you're a bad mate basically.

You this in nature too, Animals that hit a certain age that get reproductively rejected enough basically have 0 success after hitting a certain age obviously varying by animals. People keep forgetting we're just animals that got super good at pattern recognition. Men who get rejected and constantly stuck in a state of being alone are often ones in situations like mine and there are biological reasons for that.

Just look at monkeys. Males pick partners based on how healthy, fertile, nurturing and attractive they are, and females pick based on strength, the ability to provide, dominance and status in the troop. If you're thirty and been single a long time most humans are going to perceive it even on probably a subconscious level a sign, you're a bad mate.

[hahahmm]

You're looking at it the wrong way. A woman can always find a red flag if she doesn't want you for reasons that have nothing to do with the stated red flag. On the other hand if you have enough characteristics that she wants then red flags don't matter. Your best bet in life is to focus on being the best man you can be and build your life for YOU. Women find that attractive. Usually as a guy gets older he gains value in numerous ways. You don't want to be the guy who is a walmart greeter or McDonalds cashier at age 30-35.

[Pet68]

Why not? (about the McDonalds cashier at 35 bit)

[Uglygaypoorcoward94]

All im good for, and barely that

[NicholasRedone]

@hahahmm unless that person (I'm not) is content with acceptance of their life + it's something a single man or single woman could be content with :)

[NicholasRedone]

@hahahmm i'd not though in their shoes try to date lol or long term relationship - I mean after all. I've long graduated since then

[NicholasRedone]

@hahahmm gratefully and not to brag. Look unemployment would've been some people's dealbreakers also

[hahahmm]

@Pet68 Because it would be a deal breaker for 99% of women aged 30s and up and the ones it isn't a deal breaker for are the same women who simply can't get guys who were more ambitious/tried harder to build their lives. And I'm not talking about looks. She might have the looks but have some major personality issues or be incapable of loyalty and so on.

[hahahmm]

@Uglygaypoorcoward94 If you're content with that.. that's fine.

[hahahmm]

@NicholasRedone Yes, if they're content that's fine for them. If they decide to piss away their 30s and 40s and start complaining at 50 or 65, maybe they should have done something else.

[NicholasRedone]

@hahahmm religion and coping mechanisms and daydreams are always a plenty ❤️

[777GgG]

I would be more concerned about the why over his age. I have a friebd who says he's been mistreated by every woman he's tried to date.

Are you single because you haven't found someone you can connect with? Are you single because every woman is vile? Or because you have an insane list of must haves that no woman could possibly meet. Maybe they have that "the one that got away" type of high school crush that keeps them hung up.

Story time:

A friend of mine went through a divorce a few years back. Later that year she got a phone call. A friend of hers had nearly lost a his home in a fire. There was a forest fire too close to home that did a lot of damage. That fire prompted him to gather things to fill a go bag, clothes, indentification, medical supplies and some sentimental mementos. He began digging through boxes to put together some personal items that triggered good memories. Amongst the things was the photo of this man and my friend. That photo made him reach out to a woman he hadn't talked to in years. A woman that he had fallen in love with decades earlier. He asked how she'd been and confessed that he'd always loved her A man in his 50s never having been in a serious relationship because of this woman he fell in love with in his 20s!

There's a reason for everything.

[NicholasRedone]

Yeah some genuine guys out there do need to be careful of dominant women - or even their bisexual male friend who may try to one day hit on them as a man aka "trying to flip a pancake" is the vernacular slang

[NicholasRedone]

@777GgG same must go for women too - they may think they're a man hater yet they may one day be creeped out if their female friend who they thought was, turns out to one day hit on them a fellow female - crikey 👀

[TheSpaceGnome]

Are you single because you haven't found someone you can connect with? Are you single because every woman is vile? Or because you have an insane list of must haves that no woman could possibly meet.

If you add the word "almost" to the middle one, this is just the same question asked 3 times.

People who aren't boring need that long list to find actual compatibility, otherwise the relationship won't work. This mentality that people should lower their standards and not try to find the "perfect" match, is why the divorce rate has skyrocketed.

Be picky, or end up alone, thats the mentality people need.

[777GgG]

@TheSpaceGnome so having a 100 point checklist isn't insane? I'm not suggesting that someone settle by forgetting all their desires but suggesting that there be realistic expectations.
Not every girl who dreams of marrying an actual prince is aftually going to.

[TheSpaceGnome]

"so having a 100 point checklist isn't insane?"

No, its smart.

Not doing that is whats insane. Most people don't do in depth checklists, and the divorce rate is through the roof because you need to check compatibility in a ton of ways before having sex or marrying.

If she wants a prince, she needs to stop watching disney princess movies and base her relationships on shared interests, hobbies, personality, sense of humor, lifrstyle, and looks (not just looks by itself).

[TheSpaceGnome]

Dating should be like applying for a very complicated job. You can sit there and say "well not everyone can do those jobs", or you can look at what jobs do fit you, and have detailed lists for those.

[TheSpaceGnome]

Ideally, your significant other should be your brain "cloned" in the opposite sex's body so to speak (Or I guess in the same sex's body if you're gay).

[777GgG]

@TheSpaceGnome I dont want someone with my brain. My partners way of thinking is different than my own and I prefer it that way. To me it means that he can help me see the things from a different light or show me what I might be missing. You don't need a "cloned" brain to be a good couple... My parents had separate ways of thinking and I think that allowed them to not only to be a good couple but great parents.

Having an idea of what you want in a partner is fine, but I do maintain my opinion that a 100 point checklist is insane!
You keep mentioning divorce rates. Just because a person checks every box on some list doesn't mean that the marriage will be successful.

[NicholasRedone]

@777GgG how about same handedness?

[TheSpaceGnome]

"My partners way of thinking is different than my own and I prefer it that way"
I'd hate that personally.
Most couples who don't agree on just about everything will just fight all the time and get divorced.
The checklist only has check boxes on it that are dealbreakers if not met, so it actually does impact success rate odds significantly
A long list is appropriate for a complex person, people with shorter lists have less about them in general thats interesting, thus less dealbreakers regarding compatibility.

[TheSpaceGnome]

Also couples who don't share the same hobbies, views, and interests will end up spending more time alone or with other people instead of their spouse, just so they can do and talk about the things they enjoy, resulting in the couple drifting apart over time, even if they manage to keep arguments to a minumum.

[777GgG]

@TheSpaceGnome I need someone who agrees with my on everything. Just because we agree doesn't mean we're both right. Please, challenge my way of thinking. My partner and have had disagreements, but never arguments.
I have seen insane checklist with things that shouldn't necessarily be deal breakers but do showcase the shallowness of the person who made it.
Again I'm not saying that there shouldn't be requirements when picking a partner but I suggesting that people be realistic in their expectations.
If you can find the perfect barbie of a partner that's great but I'm okay with my partner not being Ken. He has his flaws and does his own thing but that doesn't make me care for or love him anyless. They say opposites attract and so far I have found that to he true with him. And I couldn't be happier.

[777GgG]

@TheSpaceGnome **I don't need someone who agrees with me on everything.

[777GgG]

@TheSpaceGnome I don't need to be with him all the time. While we share some hobbies some we don't and that's fine.

[NicholasRedone]

@777GgG for some reason I keep getting involved in these alerts and I'm not even being replied to lol 😆

[TheSpaceGnome]

I'm not looking to have my way of thinking challenged. I do that all the time to myself during science research when I do the part of the scientific method where you try to prove your own assumption wrong. When it comes to daily living and opinions, there isn't much uncertainty left to be had, because I've made that way of thinking scientifically into a life philosphy, so rarely if ever am I wrong. I'm looking for a best friend who's opinions match mine about things that we are both already certain of, which is a lot of things.
For example what hobbies and interests are fun or boring, if she only enjoyed a few of them, we would both feel too mentally lonely most of the day and break up as a result.
If she were religious or otherwise mentally impaired, I'd argue about trye vs false with her constantly.
If she lacked the talents and goals I have, my hobbies and career would overshadow my time with her by 90%, leaving her only time for sex, and I hate casual sex, which is what that would feel like.

I'd never love anyone too different from mentally, i'm intolerant of that sort of thing, and would rather be a hermit than be around disimilar mindsets if only given the 2 options.

I need a sexy, cute silly, smart echo chamber, a familiar comfort zone, a "two peas in a pod" inseperable clingy fun marriage, one that puts me at ease and melts all my stress away and makes me forget what arguments even are.

I don't want some ass constantly trying to change bits of me or "put up with me". I want someone who is just being herself and relates to me and finishes my sentences the same way I would.

[TheSpaceGnome]

Sorry for typos by the way.

[777GgG]

@TheSpaceGnome
neither of us are science people?
We're into art. Even that's different about use. He prefers music and drawing. Mine is poetry, pottery, and cake decorating. We're different in so many ways but I love that he always tells me "I get to be myself with you, without judgement you just let me be." I feel the same way. I can just be at peace in presence.
Our taste in music duffers but we still manage to find common ground.
I prefer horror movies and he likes fantasy but we both enjoy a good thriller.
I like FPSs and he enjoys RPGs but we can still game together.
My religion is an odd one for some and he is more spiritualiatic but we can still talk about it openly and without frustration.

He has been my unexpected. I appreciate all his differences! He is the becoming the yin to my yang. The only thing I wanna change about that boy is fattening him up 🤣 makes him harder to kidnap.

[DishLady]

Great question. If the guy’s past 35 and never been in any kind of relationship it raises some eyebrows. If a guy is in his 40s and never been in any sort of long term relationship (boyfriend/girlfriend, etc) then that’s a red flag. If a guy’s in his 40s and still “playing the field” that’s a major red flag.

[Pet68]

Does the same rule apply to women?

[DishLady]

@Pet68 The scale has always traditionally been a little younger for women, actually.

[Summeroflove]

It just depends I think having too many relationships is worse when someone’s jumping one to another like leap frog.

[DizzyDesii]

I've now dated 2 men who only had 1 girlfriend before me and that was like 12-15 years back when they were in high school. I absolutely started to see the red flags throughout our relationship and why they remained single for so long. Not a mistake im tryna make again. I don’t want to date a hoe but it helps if he had some experience and consistency in dating others

[NicholasRedone]

@DizzyDesii my generous heart goes out to all parties in those situations - it's terrible for the woman, and it's shocking for the males to have either been so inept or been so unlucky and then add inept - or no brain + or no life growth plus brain 🧠👀

[DizzyDesii]

@NicholasRedone i dont think they were unlucky. These were 2 hot men who constantly get hit on. But they have trust issues as well as trauma from being molested by an adult female when they were younger. So im not surprised if they didn't trust women enough to have more relationships

[Screenwriter]

There is no telling why someone is single. They might've been married before and divorced. They might be bad pickers: the women they've chosen have not meshed well with them. They might be too work focused. They may have other obligations such as a handicapped child or parent they're caring for.

Until you get to know someone, you cannot possibly be able to assess why they have not coupled.

[NicholasRedone]

Well I'm 30 now. Crikey 😄 however I have my reasons. I for one decided perhaps even about 20 that "when I do think deeply enough, the complexities and stress of a job, let alone a marriage or a committed other human in my life who's my partner quote unquote, no thanks" - people probably don't appreciate what they wish for and get it and then it's like "oh - relationships aren't a Disney movie. They aren't" 🧐 and that's even being a couple without offspring, ever, 😀

[Anonymous]

If he was waiting for the right moment to meet his life mate then you can’t blame him for wanting to stay single for a long time.

Where others were being kissed around like frogs, this man was finally realized he was a prince & deserved to be treated like one.

[Fromdusktilldawn]

Translator

soon reching the big 30 and I've never been in a relationship. Though its mostly since I am too shy to approach and bad experiences put me off of dating. Of course hormones tell me to get a girlfriend but there are (to me) just so many issues.

Also I wouldn't say I am the best catch for a women's standards. I'd say I am a decent guy and my friends have a very positive opinion about me, but for women I am too short, not confident enough, not rich enough etc.

[trumpetplayerforlife]

I don't feel like there is a to long maybe he needed a break or to find himself I mean I didn't start dating til I was 18 because I was shy af/ felt unattractive and needed dating apps to help me find a man lol so I don't judge

[MoonFace2]

Uhm, well if a guy is around your age and he’s still a virgin, I’d wonder why. On the other hand, I read that you’ve got Asperger’s, so maybe you’re socially awkward.

[TheSpaceGnome]

There is no value in losing virginity if you aren't keeping them.

The sane wait for marriage just to avoid STDs and child support divorces, and finding a match after graduating highschool/college is really hard, because jobs and stores don't have anywhere near as many people in them, let alone as many same aged people.

If you aren't lucky enough to see a perfect match in the highschool or college you went to, or you listen to your parent's advice and "wait until you finished school first before dating", then you're kinda fucked for odds the rest of your life.

Especially if your hobbies are all things you do at home and your area has no locations/venues/hangouts that cater to said hobbies.

If my area had a comicon, or an akihabara type shopping district, or even just a popular arcade for adults, I'd have been married 15 years ago. Instead I'm still a virgin, cuz all my matches are sitting at home drawing, animating, composing music, studying science, watching anime, building gunplas, playing with exotic pets, making cosplay outfits, and playing video games while pretending to be dudes in online game lobbies just to fend off creepy assholes who harrass them online.

How the hell am I supposed to meet ms right, if ms right is a shutin because the local culture is not geek/artist/gamer/nerd oriented?

The reason I'm a virgin is I'm an American adult with japanese adult culture, living in a city and country that has mostly religious people, people who hate the things I find fun, people who get drunk, smoke, and get stoned, and lose their virginity at 16.

The exceptions don't leave their house outside of shopping or going to work, because why would they? It sucks out here.

I don't want whats available to me...

[TheSpaceGnome]

To be clear, on the rare instances when I do go out, I get hit on by attractive looking women, but mentally none of them click.

[Nikki1989]

It would raise red flags if somebody reaches 18 without being in a single relationship, but it also not a definite dealbreaker. Some people have good reasons.

[Sugar100]

I’m 27 and never had a relationship. Men reject me and only want be friends or sex. This is y I’m single. I can’t make any guy meet families. No guy desires be with me daily in love. Only I love men and they don’t.

[Shiprex]

@Sugar100 Good luck.
I hope you find someone who can make you happy for a long time

[itsannalee]

It’s not about how long someone is single, but red flag is about how someone behaves.

[Asker]

What if your perceived a certain way and aren’t like my whole life stereotypes and misconceptions have followed me because I’m on the autism spectrum

[Anonymous]

Don't listen to the damaged gag members. You only need one good woman, if finding her was easy it would be boring.

[Shiprex]

As long as he decides to not settle for anyone (or no one) he's not willing to make a life with.

[Ms_Facesitter]

For me it's the why, not how long he's been single.

[HungTexan]

I don’t think there’s a time limit or expiration date.

[RingOfFire]

Doesn't matter much. If they find you attractive in all the usual ways that becomes a trivial factor.

[Ladsin2]

Any amount of time. Just say something like, "It hasn't been long, but I'm ready to start trying again." Just don't tell them you've been single for a decade.

[andreasderjuengere]

Does it matter?
When 'single' is a problem, then 'in a relationship' for sure is one as well :)

[Vegasrunner]

That's a great question it's not how long he's single it's how many women he hasn't been w/ that's the Red Flag

[aquamarine321]

Being single as a guy is a red flag for a lot of toxic females, nothing else needs to Be said, stay away bro

[Johnkramer98]

After he passes the virginity deadline, which is like late 20s, yes then it get suspicious

[Anonymous]

yeah its another reminder that for all time, women just have to exist and by default have men lined up wanting to be with them, not true if you are a guy when it comes to women

[Chthou95]

a lot of women won't give a shit if he's not attractive

[Manuelwe]

If you single for a minute or 100 years. it depends on the woman and her friends

[Smegskull]

As long as he likes. Your past doesn't matter remember. Women would never be worthless hypocrits.

[DrPepper12]

Interesting...

[Uglygaypoorcoward94]

His entire life

[Anonymous]

No decent woman thinks this way.

[Cheerfull009]

Can single for ever as he is imponant

[Pet68]

50 years.