Why do people play mind games in the dating world?

[missindiana93]

Like why ghost, why be difficult, why not know what you want in relationship.

[HawkPerception]

Immature people with low emotional intelligence. If you're a mature and emotionally intelligent person, then you'll avoid these people without a second thought.

[Theguywhogoesnude]

I would think to challenge the mind

[MrOracle]

These are people who are not serious about being in a relationship. They often think they ARE serious, but they are looking for the "perfect person" who has and is everything they want (even as what they want changes from moment to moment), and as soon as they discover something less than perfect, they disconnect and move on emotionally, even if it takes a while physically.

Many people today aren't really serious about being in a relationship, because a relationship is going to require work and sacrifice, in both directions, and some only want to receive benefits, not provide them. It's your job, as a person looking for a serious relationship, to vet every potential partner and to eliminate those who aren't serious about being in a relationship - no matter how attractive they are on the surface. And today, a lot of people refuse to disqualify someone if they are attractive on the surface, because they have strong feelings about them, but that is just setting yourself up for failure.

You cannot change other people. If someone isn't serious about relationships, nothing you can do will change that. You need to be looking for someone who is ALREADY serious about relationships. And the most attractive people likely won't be in that group, and you have to accept that. People who won't accept that usually end up in bad relationships or alone.

[DishLady]

Aaaaah. The zillion-dollar question. Folks can be nasty, self-centered jerks. Others are just kind of "blind" when it comes to their actions and have no sense of mindfulness about what they're doing. I've literally been coaching one guy out of his fugue since the start of the year and can tell you he's got a long way to go. Some are GENUINELY confused/questioning big things in their lives and not intentionally playing games.

[ohsheeT]

To be honest with you, I don't know but I do know this if I start to date somebody and if she starts playing mind games. I just walk away

[Stevepro68]

It's a perplexing question. The major factors for both sexes imbalance, personality disorders, immaturity, social cues. In all imbalanced relationships people proverbially feel like their partner is out of their league and one feels like they are settling. So they do things to feel better about themselves trying to avoid confrontation. IE ghosting. Personality disorders have a wide range usually an empathy failure on top of egoism. IE multiple partners emotional projecting. Some people hit a certain developmental stage and literally stay there. Usually due to some form of family trauma. They lack the ability of good emotional attachment and use games to feel superior and avoid their deficits. Typically manifested as pathologic decepton. Social cues are when they have social disorders and they consistently fail to maintain appropriate responses because they don't understand their partners social cues well enough. They may be pathologically shy or extremely literal causing misconnects and fabrication. Again in general you always have to step back and assume the narrative position. Which is... everyone has the story of their life in their head. No matter how terrible a person you are you will never write yourself as the villain of your story. I believe that even serial killer Jeffery Dahmer was able to re write his story to himself so that he was not the bad guy. So games often go both ways and always have cognitive humility about judging others.

[MannMitAntworten]

…and why flirt heavy with you and express things feelings and observations towards you whilst holding your face … only to ‘also’ share their number with one or two of your other friends the moment you leave the room even going as far as telling one of his friends that they want to f*ck him badly. Which he shares with you later of course because he sees how she was with you … but since he’s a horny bastard he’s going to go for it which you encourage him to do because it serves as yet another filter for a lousy choice that will haunt him later on and you think to yourself, better him and not me.


Games are filters. All those people are filtering themselves out of the equation. It really is a silver lining. Try to see it that way and when the next one does, you can count your blessings they removed themself early on versus wasting your precious time.

[OneViewpoint]

Because not everyone is mature with a well developed personality. There are plenty of petty, selfish, spiteful, children out there who just can't let anything go and move on with their life. And those personalities also seem to be cowards who have a problem delivering difficult messages to anyone. Hence the ghosting instead of a civil face to face conversation.

[MoonFace2]

Sometimes people really don’t know what they want. Usually that means they’re not interested enough. Other times something might’ve happened in their lives. You never know.

most of the time, I tend to just tell someone if I’m interested. But there were a few times where things were complicated.

[Shiprex]

Letting people down is a cowards way out the same way that irrational demands and expectations are a sign of people with low personal self esteem. They are way to easy to become anxious about their perceived behaviour they prefer to run and hide to confront difficult situations.

[Unap0logetic_]

It’s a mixture of everything that most of these comments are stating but the one at the bottom is usually the real reason behind it. (A lot of the time) It’s the sad reality, but once you learn how modern dating works, it won’t phase you. You just have to find the people who aren’t playing the dating game.

[Fireguy17]

It sure makes things easier and more fun when people don't play games.
Back when I was single and dating if someone was playing games I just moved on.
We are adults, not 13 year olds so act like an adult.
You might be surprised how easy life is.

[Justneedtokno]

At this point, I don’t think people do I think that people say what they truly mean but we don’t try to take the first thing that they’re saying to heart because we want to dive deep into whatever they’re saying when sometimes there’s nothing more now I don’t know not all the time

[Babygirl_S]

Because there’s no other way for them to succeed. They aren’t romantic or attractive so gaslighting is their tool. Indian boys are even more inferior because arranged marriages or rape are their only ways. Very few of them can start a conversation with an attractive confident female. They look at certain women like creeps. So creepy it disgusts me but my brave soldiers let it go

[Joshydavid25]

A defensive barrier from being hurt, insecurity, and wanting to be in control it seems.. Also the illusion of options..

[Sonorous]

Because there's no immediate threat towards their lives.

[PrincessFiona]

Because people are immature when it comes to relationships. Most have had poor role models as parents. Some people are just damn sure selfish and don't take the time to tell people their intentions.

[HungTexan]

People are often confused, lack self awareness, and just act like idiots.

[lightbulb27]

they are screwed up socially and emotionally.

[Caroline91]

I think it often has to do with dominance and power.

[ProbablyClueless]

insecurity. The person doesn't feel like you actually care for them, so they do little tests to make you prove it to them.

[Truthatanycost]

Maybe ask all of those dateless nice guys that never play any games...

[Valdemort]

They do it everywhere. Probably don't have the words so they run while they can.

[TheSpaceGnome]

I dunno, I don't do that, and I can't stand women who do.

[monkeynutts]

It's not easy for people to be honest, because than you have to admit that you are human, and have vulnerabilities.

[69Lonely69]

I think some people are just sadistic and enjoy controlling others. In other cases I think people don't even realize they are doing it.

[JackBlackHeartAttack]

As soon as I detect she’s playing games I instantly ghost. Better to be the ghoster than the ghostee.

[Filthy_Immigrant]

Because been honest in the dating world does not get you pussy

[In_Trance]

Nobody knows what they want. Chances are if you were pressed hard enough you have no idea what you want either

[Mangospacho]

This topic is so complex and multi-layered that not even @Lovedoctorbrad has an answer.

[Anonymous]

Not me, but on the other hand, I never had a date :/

[scott04sa22]

Low self-esteem issues

[Gymrat01]

Cause they enjoy breaking people.

[Jessie1103]

Who knows they tend to be players.

[TonyMetal___86]

This shows that the couple aren't mature enough

[Anonymous]

Cause of feminist pushing promiscuity.

[MikeRJ]

I don't understand it myself.

[07Marissa]

Cause it hasn't happened to them.

[Manuelwe]

It is to see how mentality attractive you are.

[Dan_5001]

Big turn off for guy

[Kingofkings1992]

Immaturity