I think my reasoning is a bit different to others. I think about it from a perspective of health. It seems normal to me to have a physical attraction to people who seem to be in better health for obvious reproductive reasons. Except for more extreme cases, height is generally not a significant metric for health while weight can be a very significant metric, especially beyond certain thresholds.
Beyond a certain point, body fat even influences brain function and IQ and will make a person measurably less intelligent. It can be seriously dangerous in very many ways.
But then you have the obnoxious guys who shame a woman for even normal ranges of body fat, and nobody likes those guys (except maybe the super skinny girls they date?)
Height can be a health indicator when someone is too tall. Beyond a certain point, it creates significant issues with circulation and with knees and lower back joints. I know a guy who is 6'10" and has problems with blood clots because of it that are apparently a common issue with increasing height.
Short height can also be an indicator that someone grew up with very poor nutrition. This is something more commonly seen in very poor regions of the world.
For me, because weight is a much more commonly useful health metric than height, height based attraction seems like the worse judgement. And that applies equally to men who only date women above or below a certain height and women not wanting to date men who are beyond a normal percentage of body fat.
But ultimately I don't really see it as a functional problem because nobody should be dating anyone if they don't want to.
Height is something you can't control, you weight is.
Personally I find it worse to choose based on height. Since I think it's reasonable to want to be with a partner who's healthy and isn't gasping for air going up a flight of stairs.
At first glance I would have said it's worse to reject someone based on their weight because she can lose the weight, that being said the fact that she's fat is more than likely (except in case of health issue) because of her bad eating habit and if you wish to have children is it better to have children with someone of short height rather than with someone fat, if the person you have children with is fat then she more than likely would pass down some bad eating habit would can lead the child to be fat / have health issue.
My mother have always told me to date tall men only but personally I never cared for height as it do not give someone a personality no matter if you're short or tall it's not gonna affect your personality while weight does show a personality of a person that usually do not care much about their health which is not attractive at all.
Personally I would rather date a short guy than a fat one and I'm a tall girl
@Hobobobo That's not wild at all that's actually very common, my grandmother said the same things, they repeated it to me so many time too. They bashed skinny men too, my mom dislike blond and my grandmother hate East Asian. It's very common for parents to have preference and voice it. My father said no Algerian / Arabs in general and my grandfather said no Arabs / no Black.
Personally I'm attracted to anyone never really had any preference. I was very into blonde hair blue eyes as a teen but now I feel like I feel more comfortable around guys with dark / dark eyes as 90 % of my family have dark hair / eyes (I m one of the only one to have lighter eyes with my mother and uncle).
They were also extremely harsh about my appearance anyway always commenting on it, wanting me to wear make up and high heels at 12 years old, shave all my body (they bullied me so much for this). I think in my family people are just extremely into appearance. Same for clothes they were very strict. I could only wear what they approved.
Now they think 90 % of guys are not worthy of me cause I'm too pretty / hot for them, they're just obsessed with appearance to an unhealthy point, I'm lucky to have turned out pretty cause my sister is less attractive and underweight she get lot of shit everytime she go to see our grandmother.
Their view never impacted me though, I always been attracted to anyone no matter their height and race. My first crush was an Algerian / Arabs guys even though that's literally who they hate the most but he was nice and was the only one who helped me against my bully.
This may be a regular experience for you and many others, but for me this is unacceptable behavior that I have no intention of normalizing in my mind. I am saddened that you had that kind of commentary into your life from the adults who were supposed to give you advice that would help you be a healthy and whole person. I understand that it's not unusual for parents and grandparents to say these kinds of things, but I will still consider this wild and thoughtless behavior rather than intelligent and considerate behavior, which should be the standard.
Opinion
27Opinion
Number one everyone has standards and preferences if someone rejects you based off height…. Do you really want them anyways? But I will say weight is almost always a choice maybe there is some exceptions but most of the time someone being overweight male or female is a choice. How tall you are is not so I would go with the height.
But when someone rejects you it’s not always personal not everyone is meant to be and not all women or men for that matter are they same.
Lol. Have I told you I love the crazy questions you post? It's always to super extreme options.
So if they're picking only based on these two physical traits I'll say it's worse to pick based on wieght ONLY BECAUSE weight is an aspect of ourselves that we can change and improve. Height... is height. There isn't a real way to change that.
Huehue... that's the point. It's no fun if people choose in between. Gotta make em pick a side 😼
Neither. No one is under any obligation to date anyone for any reason. We make a thousand choices a day about what we will and won't date. They are NEVER fair to the person on the other end who doesn't fulfil the brief, however, if this is their standard for how they choose whom they like, and you don't tick those boxes, are they ever going to be the one for you anyway?
I think it’s worse to chose based around weight
Because you’ll bend over backwards trying to find the skinny girl and boom she gains 50 pounds
It’s a variable metric
Height is a static metric so choosing someone based on height guarantees they remain your ideal height for days to come
Everyone is saying “you can’t control height” and yes that’s true but it doesn’t mean that you can control attraction to a given height
Can’t expect a women who likes taller guys to switch that off in her brain and date a short guy just on principle alone
Both are fine, girls are allowed to have a preference for the height of guys they date and men are allowed to have a weight preference. No one owes you attraction, dating is one of the few things I’ll say people have every right to be as discriminatory as they want tbh 😭
Neither is a problem.
People can choose a partner based on whatever criteria is attractive to their brain and their crotch.
There isn't really any point in trying to convince anyone to change their checklist for that, because desires, be it mental or physical, are bound to the individual as concretely as preferences in food taste, art styles, or hobbies.
Your individual genetic combination decides what you do or don't like, its nature, not nurture, so a philosophical debate on preferences is pointless.
I'm not "playing in the middle" on which is worse, I'm refuting the entire premise.
I simply disagree with the idea that personal preferences in sexuality and love are choices/problems entirely.
You can't say whats "worse" to choose when neither is "negative" and neither is "a choice".
It's fine to have preferences. Everyone has them and I'm not saying either is wrong. But many girls say it's wrong to pick someone based on weight and many guys say it's wrong to pick someone based on height. So I'm asking which of those 2 is worse? Height is not something you can change, whereas weight is, given you put in the effort to change it, so I'd say it's worse to select someone based on something they can't control.
It doesn't matter what those people say if what they are saying doesn't make any sense.
Men cannot choose what gives them a boner or gives them mental comfort.
Women cannot choose what makes them wet or gives them mental comfort.
You are born with these preferences, they are a part of your body.
Maybe you catch a virus later and it tweaks your genetic code a bit through epigenetic change, or maybe you are predisposed to certain unhealthy substances, and they damage you overtime or impair your body temporarily, or maybe you find something or someone you are predisposed to liking more than previous ones you found and and were also predisposed to liking but less so, and those events change what/who you pick, be it short term or longterm.
But you don't get to choose how you respond to stimuli, thats all up to your DNA configuration and its current condition.
Anyone who says its "wrong" to be attracted to this or that, is wrongfully assuming that attraction is voluntary, it most certainly is NOT voluntary, its an involuntary reflex. Something completely beyond the person's cognitive control.
Any dialogue about what is good or bad to prefer is thus moot, because no amount of talking is going to change your DNA or what happened to you during the course of your life to effect said DNA.
You might as well argue if its moral or not to ejaculate millions of sperm when all but 1 (or very rarely 2, 3 or 4 of them) are doomed to dying no matter what during sex.
You can't adjust individual preferences with culture, culture is formed when enough genetically or convergently similar people share a space long enough to be like, oh hey, "I agree with doing this too because my body also responds well to it".
Simply put, its impossible to decide what you prefer because of complicated biology.
Such a good question. Both are preferences so neither are wrong. I feel like weight is more shallow minded. But only because if a gal chooses someone based on height that's a fair choice and unlikely to change. But a guy who only likes a slim girl might then ditch her if she puts weight on and that's what makes it more shallow.
One is within one's control and the other is not. I think logic states that it's more shallow to have a preference over something that someone can't change over something that someone can change.
I know that's the consensus. But height preference is still a valid preference. Are you saying you would go out with a 3.5ft dwarf lady? If it makes u feel uncomfortable? And unattractive? Of course not. Should we penalise people for choice? Are we supposed to love everyone of every age, height, hair colour, skin colour? If a 40 Yr old guy feels uncomfortable dating a gal same age as his daughter like 18 Yr old but she's a great gal Are we going to call him shallow or foolish?
Weight is also not that easy to control. I'm not sure if we have specifically had it but I have had this discussion before about weight issues on the forum.
In the end it always boils down to attraction. People can say as much as they like about loving a person for their personality and character but if they are too short/tall or too fat/thin - if there's no attraction it's not going to get off the ground to begin with. But changes that can occur - like weight- within a relationship that's supposed to have love is where the distinction lies
Sure preference is one thing but when it comes to something that can change and you choose something that DOES change to the negative then you've wasted time, effort and resources and the partner who's changed shows they don't care for your preferences. THAT would waste someones time.
A height restricted judgement (that's what is being done here not preference but judging suitability based on a superficial trait) demotes many potentially perfect partners UNLESS you have a superficial basis for judgement.
@Shiprex I think this is just shorter guys feeling stung over being overlooked because of something they can't change. Sure it's frustrating to feel girls are only looking for 6ft guys. But girls will only initially overlook a guy outside their preference.
I recently slept with a guy way below my preference. In terms of height and build. And even his cock size was smaller than usual but he was AMAZING at sex. And 5 rounds. Wow. So i do get it, that height judgment can mean missing out. I'm less picky on height now. But I still feel just a little more happier if it is closer to my preference.
Weight - I also get what you mean. But I think you overestimate how easy it is to lose weight once you have gained. I'm not talking just a little winter pudge. I mean if life circumstances (pregnancy, focus on raising kids, medication, depression) cause an increase then it's not always a case of diet and exercise. Plus if you got a partner saying lose it or we over cos I can't be with a bigger girl even if it is cos u mothered my children - well - talk about lack of motivation to change and probably having a pig headed partner like that caused the gain in the first place.
Also some people really do seem "born" bigger. Or bigger causing genes. I had a best friend who had a skinny mum and sister but obv got her dads genes and even in baby pics she was just bigger. Just like the shorter guys, she is probably passed over by guys despite any good qualities she possesses as a person.
Is it fair? No. 🤷♀️
@Crimsyjo
I understand, but don't think it's because short guys are pissed because the kind of woman that has that as a preference is not the kind of person who'd be worth being with (men want respect and judgement on genetic traits isn't something men find attractive) and that you've gone out of your "preference zone" and found that it's WORTH it rather than not. Therefore the notion, I hope, that height IS actually an irrelevant and irrational preference so opening your eyes to stepping away from call it prejudice if you like is bad (for both).
The changing body notion is something I think most men would accept though it's also a something that could be a joint effort to improve if you value each others preferences. If you're not bothering to try, finding excuses not to, expect to be treated the same irrespective of it etc., then a partner who values that attraction will feel disrespect for not being listened to. Weight and health are also far greater indicators of health and longevity. That factor of care for a partner should come from a joint effort to sustain each other as healthy as possible.
@Shiprex yeah you are right. I'm actually glad I learned that avoiding "shorter" guys on tinder could indeed hinder me from finding what I'm seeking so overcoming that prejudice is a big win.
But same goes for guys avoiding women who may be curvier than the ideal?
I know my friend who has been married a very long time once told me secretly she had gone off her husband physically because he put weight on. Tho it was some time ago and she hasn't indicated anything about it since. But it is definitely a hard thing to bring up or deal with and it's not just men viewing women.
both are fools... choosing people based on appearances means a short-living relationship... you can have a funny banter with appearances or a deep conversation... you need a compatible personality and opinions to have a fun and meaningful relationship
Choosing based on height or weight is not bad. The only difference is here is that height is something people can't control, weight obviously is.
Height is the same as guys choosing based on breast size, which girls can only change with surgery. But to be honest I don't think either of those things are bad; we should choose someone we're attracted to. I would hate for a guy to just settle for me and use me, waiting for something better to come along. I'd want him to be totally attracted.
Both be some shallow fuckers - same if genders reversed.
Height be worse tho. Can't be changed but on the other hand putting conditions on love is BS too. "If we get together you're not allowed to change because that is not what I signed up for"
Have a splendid day.
(Didn't actually post my actual opinion on da matter)
Well if I'm forced to choose then it's women choosing tall men.. There is nothing you can do about being short, but being fat is a lifestyle choice.
But you also can't change who you are attracted to so it's kind of a pointless debate.
They have similarities except that height is something you can’t control. Whereas people can diet and exercise to control their weight. Though weight can be very difficult to control even when people give it their all.
I mean personally I’m into chunkier guys and not into super tall guys. Most of the people I’ve dated are my height-6’3”. Logically someone can always put on/lose weight but they can’t get taller.
I don't think either of them are "worse."
What's wrong with choosing someone based on what you are attracted to? Is that some kind of evil act?
To me what is worse is to try to humiliate people for being honest about what they're attracted to and not attracted to. Whatever happened to freedom of choice?
Neither are shallow. But it’s crazy people saying that not wanting to date a morbid obese person is shallow. Beyond insanely delusional…
100% agree 😂
It's more ridiculous to care about weight because that's something that can change overtime. Height is permanent so it makes more sense to have a preference about it.
The only thing about weight though is if someone is WILLING to lose the weight. Which not many people would do.
@orange_roach it's up to the individual what they want their weight to be. If they don't want to lose it then that's fine. Their partner should love them regardless of their weight
What about physical attraction?
@orange_roach if it's something that could change overtime then it shouldn't be a factor towards physical attraction. That's very unreasonable to have a preference that can so easily change like it wouldn't be worth being someone who thought that way
@Apple1996 Yet again, that logic makes zero sense. If it's something that you can change based on how much effort you put into it, then it's more shallow to choose based on something you cannot control at all. You literally have the power to become more physically attractive at any point and the other person does not.
@Apple1996 Sure if you consistently put in 0 effort into your health and appearance. But that's better than someone that doesn't consider you at all because of their genetics. For a girl that says appearance doesn't matter, you're pretty inconsistent
@Apple1996 Then you'd date someone that looks like a frog, right? 😂
What if their breath always smelled like dick? Would you still date them?
@WhiteBoyChill i like the smell of dick.. lol
I know you do, you took the bait and answered my question like I knew you would 😉
@WhiteBoyChill omg 😅
Those changes that you both are aware of at the time would be workable and encouraging at least noticing this for both parties means a combined effort to "fix" it. You can't "fix" someones height but if a partner quits maintaining a standard of appearance then they don't respect the partner who chose them.
If a person has an attraction of another in one state then that state changes they end up wasting time and resources if they give up trying to remain attractive to the committed partner.
@Apple1996
If they committed to you and then you let yourself go and didn't even try to remain attractive to them then your commitment to the relationship is slipping. They were attracted to a physical you and if they have a preference for that physical trait and YOU know that but dgaf about it then you aren't invested in their happiness then. That no one can change their height is something that is trait that nothing can be done about. Weight is and if they have a preference for that then it's JUST as valid if not more because the potential for change is there. That concept of potential is another women place on men with regard to EARNINGS potential which is something that can change and would that be something to accept if they quit their job to live a minimalist lifestyle for most people?
@Shiprex like my husband once told me he liked my natural hair color. After he said that I litterally have been dying my hair for the last 12 years just to piss him off. I have no desire to keep my hair natural just because that's what he likes. It makes me want to be the opposite if a guy has a preference lol
@Apple1996
So you don't care to do things your partner wants. He sticks around because HE loves you more than he WANTS you to be natural.
Sorta immature dyt?
@Apple1996
It's easy to control your weight if you care about it. I've not changed more than 10% since I was a teenager and that's ONLY because I got built and into sport. My height has only changed when I get a haircut by about 3 mm.
Once in a relationship if you have gotten to that stage of commitment then don't bother keeping up the attraction then you're denying that pleasure for your partner that attracted them to you if you can change it. The height one will never change so that's a lazy preference that requires no effort to maintain
@Apple1996
It's also something that because you refuse to satisfy him in his desires then he's allowed to build resentment and that selfish attitude will diminish him as a man because he will not be getting his desires met.
@Apple1996
So you don't care about his happiness and that's hardly healthy. Seems like a relationship to you is a one way street in terms of what you get and give.
@Apple1996
and if he strays to someone who WILL meet his desires? You'd be content to let him chase HIS dreams?
@Apple1996
His happiness should be coming from him being happy in his relationships with others and the world. If you're consciously hindering that, time bombs are being laid.
@Apple1996
But he is now and that itch may grow and you're the one he has intimated could scratch that itch but you go out of your way to not
@Apple1996
If you don't satisfy him someone else will
Wait, why a blonde specifically? 🤔
@Apple1996
Sounds like you're not invested in a relationship or don't value it because you regard his happiness as superfluous and irrelevant. It's all about you and what you get is it?
@orange_roach @orange_roach
I think @Apple1996 is a natural blonde but colours her hair because her partner prefers blondes
@orange_roach yeah my hair is natural blonde
@Apple1996
that's about behaviour towards and for someone and it's no skin off anyones nose to DO things they LIKE to see. Such as brush your teeth, groom yourself, dress provocatively and style your hair for THEIR preference.
@Apple1996 You saying that implies you don't care whether or not your partner is physically attracted to you or not. That's a pretty selfish disposition in my opinion.
This thread makes me so happy that my partner loves me for ME not my appearance. Holy crap yo. People be some shallow pigs that will struggle in older age with their wrinkled mushed up partner.
One day I'm going to be a old fucker, all wrinkled up and he'll still be there because it's not the holster he loves. Christ.
@NordicInScandinavia Ah yes... me being attracted to someone that cares about their health and appearance makes me shallow. You go girl 😂
@NordicInScandinavia Attracted to someone that cares for their health and appearance = shallow person that will leave their partner when they age because everyone gets old and loses physical attraction 😂
@HawkPerception
That you automatically correlate weight with health, yes. Fat people can be healthy (being fat isn't only obesity) and skinny people can be unhealthy as fuck. ☺️
@HawkPerception
Glad my partner is a bit wiser than that, my now skinny ass does need to work on being healthy, luckily I have a partner that loves ME that will be there by my side still instead of running away because I dared to change a bit.
@NordicInScandinavia Actually obesity is directly linked to many health issues so you're absolutely incorrect. Being skinny can also be unhealthy if you're not eating and getting enough nutrients into your body (anorexia). Eating healthy and working out only has positives in your life and affects your overall appearance and physical attraction level. There are 60+ year olds that look amazing because they stay in shape and eat healthy. But do go on. Live your life. You have a partner that's happy with you 👍🏼
@HawkPerception
Again, correlating health with weight is shallow as fuck. And if you're attracted to health that old people ain't it - full stop on attraction when their bodies start to give up. Age = often gives worse health.
@HawkPerception
Being fat is NOT only
@NordicInScandinavia Enjoy your life lady 😂👏🏼
@HawkPerception being fat is NOT only obesity. People think you're either skinny or obese with no in between and it irks the fuck out of me.
It CAN be linked to* and as you say yourself skinny people can be unhealthy as fuck but that doesn't matter, because at least their APPEARANCE is to your liking.
Yes luckily I have a partner who ain't a shallow little fucker and I'll be forever grateful for that. I know he'll love me no matter if I'm skinny or fat and he won't pretend it's about "health".
- I'm glad I wasn't a shallow fucker and rejecting him due to his weight in the beginning. (I can admit towards having been a shallow fucker in some cases unlike some)
@HawkPerception
Alright, likewise dude. I'd say gentleman but I doubt that would be fitting.
@NordicInScandinavia I've been holding back from the barrage of insults, but you're one smooth brained woman 😂 Zero class in you. At least you have insults because you certainly don't have any logic.
@HawkPerception
I apologise that you find it insulting that I do not wish to call you a gentleman.
I'm sorry you see no logic in that weight doesn't always correlate with health and it's idiotic to claim such. That being attractive to weight hiding it under the disguise of "health" is shallow as fuck. And I'm sorry you can't see the logic behind the fact that there is more than skinny/fit - obese.
Now have a good day gentleman, I apologize that I insulted you.
@NordicInScandinavia Let's go over the chronological order of your messages. First you imply I'm a "shallow pig." Then you imply my stupidity by saying "glad my partner is a bit wiser than that". Then you imply I'm "shallow as fuck". Then you say "shallow little fucker" and then you finish up with "I'd say gentleman but I don't that would be fitting."
Let me be clear. You seem to have the very colorful vocabulary of a high schooler. Your maturity seems to be around that level as well. And I stick to my earlier statement of you having zero class as a woman. It's pathetic to see that behaviour. I hope one day you grow up.
@Apple1996
Of course there is BUT doing things for one's significant other for THEIR pleasure and GIVING in to their desires because you want to make them happy IS fundamentally what commitment is about. It's NOT just about how YOU want BE and screw them if they prefer something else
@NordicInScandinavia
@HawkPerception
Being heavy because you're large framed or muscular isn't the same as being fat. It's widely known that when you carry too much weight the body has limits on how it can handle that. Same as being slim tends to mean there's increased risk of other issues.
Fat is linked to heart disease, joint strain and is an unnecessary burden to place on a human body. It's fine if you don't mind it or are into it as a chubby chaser, but no way does it indicate optimum health for a human.
@NordicInScandinavia yep I am also very happy that my husband accepts me for who I am. These guys are shallow to the extreme! They don't understand that having some weight on the body is acutally a good thing. I had to work hard to gain weight so it makes me disgusted to see men think this way 🤢
@Apple1996
Being underweight is just as risky and something that a lot of people should take seriously for their own health BUT in a relationship it's never a bad thing to do things that make your partner happy.
A guy because of height. A fat person can lose weight
I don't think either is "wrong". . . it's a preference thing. A little immature, maybe, depending on the situation. Wrong? No.
A girl choosing a guy based on height is worse because height doesn't affect your health, but weight does.
Height cannot as a practical matter be changed; weight is relatively easy to change. Discriminating against people based on immutable characteristics like height is despicable.
A woman choosing a man based on height, since you can always change your weight (though it's relatively hard). There's no real legit way to make you taller
In most cases you can do something about your weight I mean like going to a doctor getting a diet doing exercise bike being discriminated because you are short I think that's unfair because there's nothing you can do about it
I don't quite understand the question. Plenty of men prefer big girls. I choose guys for their personalities.
Neither is worse.. everyone is allowed a preference and if you are not attracted what does it matter? There will always be someone else who is..
You can control your weight for the most part but not your height. Being fat is not healthy.
A distinction without a difference.
Same as for hair color, bank account, boob size, spit or swallow,
Everone has what they like and don't like.
I refuse to choose and there is no situation in real life where I would absolutely have to choose. Both are bad.
I don't think either are really bad.. Only when they are extreme.. Especially the height thing..
No one is owed love or attraction in this world. If someone rejects someone else based on those factors, then they weren't for you to begin with.
Wrong or Right, it's up to the individual. You like what you like. Now, I love girls with long shiny black hair. Love it! I married a girl with dirty blonde hair, sooo?
A woman choosing me only for my 5 foot 11 body - and she'd be a keeper 😋😋😋😋😄😄😄😄 "you had me at 👀👀👀👀"
The elusive gaze - by a woman
Equally shallow reasons that will come to a bad end
Neither…
Because that just personal preference.
I have obese people.
*Hate
Height is beyond control. In most cases weight is not.
Height matters it cannot be changed. Weight can
Height since a man can’t change his height in the same way most women can change their weight
Height you can't change but weight you can
Height cause it can not be changed
Both are fine
Weight can be real trouble.
Neither is bad at all.
In the end it's their standard
Fuck both of'em.
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