He has a fear I'll leave him what do I do?

[Anonymous]

To start he has a rejection fear that progressed after his ex cheated on him... I just what to know how to let him know I'm not gonna leave him? He didn't ask me out until I ask him what we were he just assumed we were a couple

[NoOneEver]

Life happens. That’s a hard thing to get over. The only thing you can do is to keep being yourself and being there for him the same way you have always been.

If you over think on this too much it will just cause you stress. It’s best to put it out of your mind and think about it as little as possible.

The more you strain on this issue the more difficult it will be between the two of you. Reassure him that you won’t when he brings it up. And try to get his mind off it as well. Keep doing relationship things together to help reaffirm your words to him.

[Asker]

thats the thing he won't believe me... I tell him I'm not going anywhere and he says "we will see" its a little upsetting and it worries me

[NoOneEver]

Yeah unfortunately maybe your best approach is to be honest with him. Sit him down and tell him, how it really wears you down emotionally when he says stuff like that. And hug him and just let him know you care but that you wish he’d care about what you go through emotionally too…

[Asker]

I haven't tried that approach yet but I'll definitely try it when he comes home.. he's in the military so we dont see each other often... he should be coming Easter weekend if not then definitely for mother's day weekend... he should be getting medically discharged soon tho

[NoOneEver]

Good luck. Hope that you have a nice Easter.

[SueShe]

You will leave him eventually. In your age group, most people don't stay a lifelong together. You cannot vouch that you will stay with him for the next 30+ years, so his fear is obviously justified.

If you are already having such trouble with him on such small issues, then I can imagine that it will be difficult to settle really difficult issues later in your relationship. He is insecure and his insecurity will only progress with time and it will become increasingly difficult to have a normal relationship under those conditions. Given that fact, it is likely that you will not be able to take that burden for much longer and that you will leave him for your own good.

[Asker]

I was raised to marry and so was he... it'd be better if we weren't long distance but thats gonna change really soon... and he's been the best thing thats happened to me in the last 5 years... he helped me get out of a tough living situation and has been so helpful getting me back behind the wheel after my accident as well as making sure I'm getting to work on time... his mom allowed me to move into her house

[SueShe]

I am happy for you that it turned out so well.

If you want things to work out, then you have to boost his confidence and self-esteem. Only by being confident enough can his fear slowly disappear. It will not happen from one day to the other. He has to learn to trust you and for that, you have to give him that trust.

It is not an easy task because as soon as you have an argument, and you will have one, just like every couple does, his fear, insecurity and anger may let him down again because he may think that you had enough of him and that you may leave. Good luck.

[IslaTheWitch]

help him find a therapist... there is probably a bigger underlying problem...

[LiamS95]

I know what it's like having an ex cheat on you. For me it was my fiancé, I came home earlier then usual one day and found her in my bed riding some random guy. It took a good solid two years to work through my trust issues after that as it's very difficult to put the same trust in someone else as the trust I initially had with my ex and that trust was broken 💔. I would suggest just keep being there to support him and keep reassuring him that you're there for him and are not going to leave him. He'll eventually come round.

[Asker]

thats fair... we have been friends since 2021 and his ex was my friend so I dont blame him for having trust issues... but his mother said he's always had the rejection fear even as a kid thats why im worried...

[LiamS95]

That's probably something you just can't change but you can be there for him and that will eventually overtime work in your favor.

[Asker]

I hope so 🥺

[Anonymous]

You leave. Not hard.

[Asker]

I'm asking how I tell him I'm NOT gonna leave