How can I find out where I stand looks wise to be able to date?

[Anonymous]

Like there’s so many social rules to dating and one important one is understanding where you are looks wise

[SteveSmith1985]

You already know I would imagine.

In high school and/or college... were girls interested in you? (when they were around all the time, as a matter of course).

Did you date a lot, did girls pay you attention. Ever been surprised to learn some girl you never really thought about had a crush on you? Was that a somewhat regular occurrence. etc.

And even in adulthood, I'm sure you have some idea of what women (in a very broad general sense) tend to think of your looks.

I think that reflecting on your own past experiences when it comes to female attention vs your peers, is where the answer to this lies.

Also, don't listen to anyone who says shit like "alpha" "low quality man" or "men's rights".

You know this already dude. You've been around women before. Attractive people will usually get feedback that women find them attractive. Not-so-attractive people often know it from feeling they don't receive the attention from women that their peers receive.

Also, me telling you to listen to e right now. You are generally better asking women about the social rules for dating (there are a few... but not anything you can't learn in an evening)

It's just... there are several really fucked-up and wrong "schools of thought" out there... which men have come up with. Discount all that shit, unless you run it by an actual woman (whose opinion you trust) and she okays it. Trust me... some guys have "rules for dating" that are... fucked up, misguided, and overly complicated.

It's not that complicated. Or it doesn't have to be. But my biggest piece of advice is to check anything you read about dating rules... with actual women. Many of them are going to be unnecessary at best.

Good luck man.

🙂

[Asker]

It’s complicated cause I’m not a social person I do t have very good social skills this has been my entire life. When I was a kid most people just thought i was shy or introverted and it wasn’t that at all I was actually diagnosed autistic when I was 22.

[SteveSmith1985]

Man. I'm sorry. I want to apologize for the whole tone of my answer. Also, for all the underlying assumptions I made throughout. In fact I want to retract the whole thing. Let's start over.

So first, I can appreciate where you're coming from if you genuinely don't know where you stand looks-wise you feel like you don't know "your league" or whatever. I can understand that, and there is some truth that people do tend to end up with people of similar levels of attractiveness.

Nevertheless, don't focus too much on it. You will find out, the way we all do (just later in life)... which is in how women seem to respond to you. In general, and also in romantic/sexually charged contexts.

That is indeed how any of us learn that. It's just much easier to do that when you're say, in school and you start to know whether or not you should try and ask out the hot girl, or if all the girls think you're not-so-hot... or whatever the case. It becomes evident IN those social situations.

Part of the reason for that, is that it isn't all about looks. (looks do matter, I'm not sasying they don't).

Personality really does make a big difference in how your physical attractive is perceived.

[SteveSmith1985]

So if a guy is super good looking, be he's a total asshole. He'll start to look less attractive to women.

If a guy is a lot of fun to be around, is always making everyone laugh, a guy might seem more attractive (than he otherwise would. It's not magic).

So don't think you HAVE to get this settled (your relative attractiveness) before you start dating. You do not. Dating or online dating etc. can be done. Today. (if you want)

You just won't be successful with as many women if women don't find you attractive. You'll do better if they do find you attractive. This can be a bit of a painful way to learn (although again, that's how we all learned. Just when we were kids).

You can't trust the opinion of anyone you know for fear they would lie.

There is one place where you can get your looks rated or commentated Reddit...(more coming)

[SteveSmith1985]

I want to be clear. I am NOT telling you that you should use reddit to get an answer to this. That is up to you.

There are many "rate me" "am I hot" subreddits.

I know of two that might be what you're looking for.

1. it's called something like "am I ugly." There people give you an honest answer, usually with a comment that will give a little bit about what that person thinks of how you look. It's people being pretty honest, but not trying to be assholes about it.

2. It's called something like "Am i ugly be brutally honest" and boy will they be brutally honest. IF you are ugly, people will tell you just how ugly, and exactly why with no regard to your feelings. If you aren't ugly people will tell you that too. Very honestly. If you're hot, you'll see it in the comments as people saying "what the fuck" and calling you hot but still being quite hostile because they assume you know you aren't ugly and are looking to be told you're hot.

I would NOT post on either. Personally. I again, am not telling you that you ought to either. I am telling you that such a place exists. That place is on Reddit. Check it out first. And think really hard about whether you really want that sort of (potentially) very painful feedback.

(still more coming)

[SteveSmith1985]

I think you shouldn't let not knowing how your looks rate shouldn't hold you back from trying to date. You'll just not get as much positive feedback the less attractive you are. But it's not just looks.

Do you have a particular girl in mind? Or are you just thinking of "getting out there"?

[Oliverlogan263]

Yo dude, I hear you on wanting to figure out where you stand looks-wise when it comes to dating. It can be tricky to know how you stack up, but there are a few things you can do to get a better idea:

1. Ask your friends for honest feedback. Your close buds will usually give you a real assessment of how you look, for better or worse. Just be open to hearing their opinions, even if it's not what you want to hear.

2. Look at how you do on dating apps. The matches and messages you get (or don't get) can give you a sense of how attractive potential matches find you. Don't take it too personally though - there's a lot more that goes into dating than just looks.

3. Pay attention to how people respond to you in social situations. Do you notice a difference in how women interact with you compared to your more conventionally attractive friends? That can provide some clues.

4. Consider getting an outside opinion from a stylist or someone you trust to give objective fashion/grooming advice. They can help you maximize your appearance.

At the end of the day, looks aren't everything. Focus on being the best version of yourself - working on your confidence, personality, and interests. The right person will appreciate you for who you are, not just how you look. Stay positive, my dude!

[NoDecision]

By providing a pic I guess. I don't think anyone would want to date anyone sight unseen. Would you want to?

[Asker]

I tried on here before and it keeps getting reported for trolling

[NoDecision]

Well instead of being anonymous post a profile picture.