How do I know when I'm ready to date again?

[CaseysHusband]

I lost my wife about a year and a half ago and I still haven't gotten back into the dating scene real heavy. I've gone on a few dates but nothing serious. I think about her all the time and I never enjoy spending time with others on a date because I can't get her off my mind.

Here is a picture of Casey, some of you knew her as she was pretty active on this site at one point:

You are welcome to DM me if you don't want to answer publicly.

[Oliverlogan263]

Man that's tough losing your wife like that after so long together. It's totally normal that you still think about her a lot and find it hard to fully connect with others just yet. From what I can see in the pic, Casey seemed like a real catch - I can understand why no one's really measured up so far.

Some things that could tell you you're ready to start seriously dating again:

- Talking about Casey more with friends/family doesn't leave you super heavy and upset. Memories become happier than sad.

- You're able to enjoy other activities and people again without constantly comparing them to her.

- The thought of dating makes you feel hopeful about new experiences rather than just reminder of loss.

- Spending time alone doesn't leave you feeling lonely - you're content in your own company too.

- Friends/fam say they can see you seem more upbeat and engaging vs distant and grieving all the time.

It's different for everyone, but around 18 months seems common to start considering dating more seriously. Don't rush yourself, man. But it does seem like you're ready to open your heart to someone worthy again. Just be upfront about still missing Casey too. Someone who cares will understand you need extra patience. You got this!

[Static_In_The_Attic]

Some say every journey starts with one small step & as for you I think you should take those steps when you’re ready. My brother from another mother I’m sorry to hear about your wife & although she isn’t here today she will always be with you. She will be with you on your everyday journeys. She’ll be with you when you laugh, she’ll be with you when you cry, she’ll be with you when you smile & she’ll be with you for a while. She’ll be in your memories & most of all she will always be in your heart & who knows she might even be there when you fart. My brother from another mother I think she will want you to be happy & I think she would want you to make someone else happy as well.

When you are ready, you’ll know what to do & when you are ready you’ll know when to start moving forward & living your life.

[sage2021]

My last boyfriend (who just died in September) lost his wife of 24 years back in 2007 (she was in her 40's).
Even there she had been gone for 10 years the year I met him in Dec. 2017.

We really hit it off and laughed all the time, we listened to rock music and danced together. It wasn't enough to win him over. He kept calling me her name 2 years into our relationship until finally I lost my patients and told him he better stop calling me by her name. Shoot, 12 years was time enough to at least stop calling other women by her name.
Even though I didn't expect him to "get over her" but he shouldn't have started up a relationship with me when his head and heart weren't mended yet. And he constantly compared me to her.
So, unless you can give the new woman in your life your attention then do yourself and her a big favor and don't get into a relationship you are pushing yourself to be in. It's not fair to either of you.

I might have remembered your then wife on GaG. What was her username?

[CaseysHusband]

CaseyBlack

[Daniela1982]

There is no point in starting a new relationship while you are still grieving the last. The day you can say you are ready to move on is the day you will be ready to date again. Until then you are just rebounding and never know where you will land next.

[NYCQuestions1976]

First, I'm sorry for your loss.

At the risk of being simplistic, if you're asking others to give their opinions on whether or not they think you're ready to date again, you're probably not ready to date yet. I believe you'll know when you're ready to date when your mind goes from thinking a question (Am I ready to date?) to thinking a statement (I'm ready to date.). Good luck.

[Daniela1982]

You don't know a fake troll by now? Come on! Have you learned nothing?

[sage2021]

@Daniela1982
Please describe what a fake troll is to me. If you are going to make statements that we don't know a fake troll by now, that we haven't learned anything.
Well, there are people, such as myself that cannot spot a troo or a fake troll for that matter. So, please tell how will I know when I run into one? Thank you.

[Daniela1982]

@sage2021 When you have been here long enough you will know grasshopper. Frankly, I don't even know who I was replying to as I don't see any trolling here. But I did a search for CaseyBlack and it turned up nothing except a question from over a year ago. Everyone was talking about her but she never replied to it. I was maybe thinking that someone could have two accounts on here, one as a female and one as a male and be husband and wife. I've known of a couple people on here who have died and their profile is still here. The fact that there is no trace of any questions or opinions by here is strange. You just never know. If I'm wrong than I'm wrong.

[sage2021]

@Daniela1982
Thank you for the info.
Sometimes if a family member gets in touch with a website to report the death of one of it's members, they will ask the family if they want the entire profile, pictures, etc. removed from the site, or to leave some of their profile in tact.
I know since my boyfriend died in September and I wake up in the middle of the night and can't sleep, I will read some of his writings on other websites he was on. He sure was brilliant and I miss him 💔 RIP

[NYCQuestions1976]

@sage2021 Damn that sucks. Sorry for your loss.

[Daniela1982]

@sage2021 Now that is a point I never considered. I stand corrected. 🥰

[CaseysHusband]

@Daniela1982 I'm not sure how you searched for her username but this is her old profile with several questions and responses and such: https://www.girlsaskguys.com/user/caseyblack

I think she had a previous account before that as well but I don't know what it was.

[Daniela1982]

Goes to show you how much the "search" option sucks.

[Flatmanlewis]

I cannot even begin to pretend to understand what that experience must be like. I won’t try, but I’ll tell you what my heart says.


Just go live life and let things go where they may. I think the right answer is - it will feel right when it is right. She would want you to be happy so just allow time and healing to happen until things take their one natural course.

[IslaTheWitch]

You will be ready when you are ready. There is no point in making it faster.

After losing someone who was very close, we need time to mourn, to cry, to heal and to recover. Give yourself all the time you need.

[strateguy632]

thinking about her is memories but not an indication to wait. in fact finding someone else will help distract those memories and comfort the loss. a year was long enough. should have started sooner.

[RavVid]

There are no good things anyone can say. But I think it is right that you grieve because if you didn't than it would mean she wasn't important to you. Honor to your good heart.

There is no regulation time frame. You will know when it is time.

[Jersey2]

I saw someone die this morning of natural causes. Her husband is taking it very hard. He doesn’t know what he will do. I wish you well. Stick your toe in the water and go in a casual date. See how it feels.

[Anemone978]

Don't bother women and men of these times are stupid and a waste of space.. better to be alone..

[Daffotul]

well give it time you are grieving that relationship

[Joker_]

you'll know when the time is right

[jimmy2]

I hear you