I want to be w a guy who will love me forever and won't dump me in a year after sleeping with me, how to test a guy for only wanting your body or not?

[aceacid]

My ex told me no guy will ever love me for me and love me for real bc I'm not a virgin anymore. He told me if other guys know my bodycount is one (only my ex) they will use me for my body and dump and never actually love me deeply because I already have done things with another guy. Is this real? Will no other guy actually be perfect and stay with me and treat me with respect and love forever?

[SteveSmith1985]

NO!! This is not real! This is just your ex is a terrible person. That's what happened here.

This hurts to read, because it's so clearly bullshit. I'm not saying anything bad about you, not at all. It's your man. Or rather your ex (thank God).

Listen, I don't know you. I can still say with 100% certainty, that you will be glad this asshole is out of your life.

I can't believe this guy.

I see SO MANY examples of really shitty guys in chatting with women on here. There are different ways a guy can mistreat or abuse women, and I've seen a variety of different breeds of scumbag. I consider myself pretty good at spotting a bad guy.

This one is bad in a specific, cruel way that I've never actually run into.

It takes an especially terrible guy to say to you what this man said. This guy is a piece of shit, that stands out for the cruelty of how he chose to hurt you.

People say shit, when they breakup. They say mean shit sometimes.

This is maybe the most hurtful thing a man could ever possibly say to a woman he isn't with any longer. Think about it. What could he have said that would have hurt more?

He tried to tell you, that choosing him to lose your virginity means you're now ruined.

He tried to tell you that the intimacy you and he shared during the time you were together, means no man is going to ever want you.

I ask you, what kind of man is that? That's a fucking scumbag of the highest caliber. Terrible in a notably cruel and vindictive way.

It's almost unbelievable that any man would ever say something like he said.

What truly shocked and upset me (like really does upset me)

Is that somehow you believe him! At least enough to make you genuinely wonder if maybe he's telling you the truth. He definitely wasn't.

This is not only not true, it's laughably absurd. It really is. It's so far from having ANY truth about it, it seems laughable that a guy would even try to make a girl believe this. That he thought it might work to the point of bothering to say it.

Most girls would have laughed-in-his face if he said something so goddamn ridiculous to them.

It's not funny at all because you didn't think it was ridiculous.

That is fucking heartbreaking.

Nobody, NOBODY thinks this way about a girl with a body count of one.

I don't even think "body count" is the right term when the count is... ONE.

If you think, for a second, that any guy will possibly think you're "ruined" because you're not a virgin; you really don't know much about how men think about women.

I can assure you, that nobody ever will think that you're not good enough, or spoiled or not want you because you had sex with one guy. Even the piece of shit who said it to you doesn't actually think that.

He didn't say it because that's how he feels or that's how he actually sees you. He said it specifically and solely to hurt you as deeply and badly as he had the power to (short of physically hurting you).

I'll say it again. Even he doesn't believe this. He said it only to hurt you.

Only a guy who cares more about a girl being a virgin, than he cares about the girl herself could possibly ever see it this way.

In my experience, these are all the most devoutly religious of various faiths.

Even then, I know for a FACT that within some religious communities, even they would never consider you ruined or less desirable for not being a virgin.

Are you dating religious extremists? Exactly.

He is trying to hurt you to your soul. He said the thing he hoped would stay with you and cause you pain for the rest of your life. He tried to make you feel you're garbage. His or nobody else's. He hoped to get in your head just like he seems to have.

Fuck that.

You're not any less desirable to any man, anywhere because you have a "body count" of one. The idea that any man might, is absurd. It's not true. It's a lie.

You are just as desirable to men, as you were the day before you met this asshole.

You need to stop believing this bullshit. It's just supposed to make you feel pain. But it's just a lie. It only hurts if you think it might be true.

If I been clear and emphatic enough this is just bullshit meant to hurt you.

Never ever in my whole life, have I heard of any boyfriend do this.

"You gave me your virginity, if you leave me you're forever spoiled"

Can you think of a more awful thing a man could possibly say to a woman? I can't.

Be glad he's out of your life. I hope you feel better soon.

(sorry this is so long. This situation got to me)

🙂

[aceacid]

I can’t thank you enough for this. I have been feeling like garbage and that he indeed wasn’t worth my virginity if I say it very boldly. It has been soooo stuck to my mind and I feel so bad. I feel like I wasted myself and I feel like I won’t be worth loving from a man. And like I said I really want to meet a forever type of love. But he ruined that idea saying no man will ever love me for me and deep inside every man will think I’m used and ruined. Even though I was like that can’t be I’ve been thinking about it too much. But really thank you. You made my day. I wish u the best bc what u said truly made me believe that there’s still hope and im still worth of love 🥲

[SteveSmith1985]

I answer questions on here that upset me. I've answered "worse" questions, but something about your situation really got to me.

" I feel like I wasted myself and I feel like I won’t be worth loving from a man."

I could feel how bad you felt, jumping off the screen when reading what you wrote. This is just not true. It's one thing to hear someone (me) say it. I wish I could somehow make you believe it. Instantly. I know it might take some time, but you need to push the lies aside by actively reminding yourself this is bullshit.

I know no guy would care. Do you know what type of guy is the least likely to care? The EXACT kind of guy you are looking for.

" I really want to meet a forever type of love."

What do you know? The guys looking for the same thing are the least likely to care that you lost your virginity. I know this for sure.

This is the kind of guy I am myself.

When I was your age, do you know what I would have written in response to the same original question description? Exactly the same thing.

One of my best friends I ever made on here, was super (I mean super) Christian, and was looking for her forever Love too. She wasn't a virgin.

There was high expectation among everyone she knew that a woman is supposed to be a virgin at marriage (how many women actually are... is another question).

[SteveSmith1985]

I was with my friend (talking at length every day) through 3 years of dating, with all its disappointments and dashed hopes.

I was there when she met the guy she ended up marrying. She was worried about not being a virgin too. Her husband wasn't the least bit bothered. I know that for a fact. I was the one who gave her the pep-talk before she told him (when they were dating). I was there hearing about his reaction, and her relief.

He said some really sweet something--or--other. I can't remember exactly. but it was a non-issue.

Guys who are looking for love, are going to be able to see you without caring that you slept with somebody in your past. They don't see you as anything but a woman, untarnished, and unblemished.

The kind of guys you're going for, will react to your account of this horrible ex, the same way I reacted. Angry at your mistreatment. More angry that you might think that any guy you'd want might see it the way your ex's lies would have you believe.

You need to remind yourself, that you're worthy of love. Often.

Write it on a note, stick it to your fridge. Or make it a before bed routine. It's the truth.

You're every bit as worthy of love, as you were the day before meeting that asshole. Don't let yourself forget that.

I really hope you feel better soon. He's just trying to hurt you. This will not be a problem for you.

There is every reason for hope.

🙂

[ohsheeT]

There is nothing in this world That can give you a guarantee in a relationship. . you have to work and work at things to keep them new and alive. We never know if something will happen or not

As for anyone else wanting you. Is has nothing to do with you being a virgin

It's who you are inside. How beautiful your heart is. If you're a giver if you're kind if you're smart if you're wise if you're confident if you're happy. That's what a guy was to see his girlfriend be.


And to your ex you could have said no being a Virgin doesn't matter

But what will hold you back and make somebody frown In a relation.
Ship is having a big mouth And trying to manipulate another person In the believing something that's completely false good luck big mouth

[natured]

No, this is not true, your ex is completely stupid, so don't even take that comment in consideration.
What matters is that you are happy with yourself, you don't have to be with anyone that will make you feel any less of what you are... do you have to forcefully end up in a relationship? NO, try to love yourself first and then let things happen naturally, let encounters happen naturally... don't rush anything just to be in a relationship, that will not solve any of your problems it would only enhance them.
There is no TEST you can do, all you can do is SHINE and love yourself

[Shiprex]

Your ex sounds like a dik and an ahole too. He's doing it to get under your skin and make you feel unworthy.

You are worthy and he doesn't deserve you. A low BC woman is a novelty in many cultures these days and I would be unafraid of being able to find a man who will be kind and respectful of you.

[zagor]

A year? You'll be lucky if a guy doesn't dump you in < 24 hours.

But most guys don't care if you're not a virgin anymore.

[jahaims]

You don't "test". That's immature games. You have healthy boundaries then you find someone who is willing to follow them while you follow theirs.

[Anonymous]

You don't test a guy. He's not a game. You just choose a quality guy. If you don't know what is, and it has worked for you in the past then go against your natural inclinations.😆

[wkhan_87]

There is no any way to test like that..
It's all about loyalty