If I dm a guy I like will I come off as a needy or desparate?

[Anonymous]

Hi guys, so I've had a crush on this one guy and I've been debating if I should dm him on insta wishing happy holidays? Will I come off as needy? Must say we talk and he tells me stuff even though he's the type of guy that doesn't tell anybody anything. FYI: Not too long ago I asked him why doesn't he add me on insta (I haven't requested anything just wanted to see his reaction) and he was in shock (he said noo way maybe that cause I'm barely there). Two hours later I sent him a request and he accepted it immediately (seems like he waited for me to do so) and sent me a follow request just as quickly. Does this mean anything?

Go for it. Why not?

No no you'll come of as a needy gal

[Anonymous]

Of course not! But that DOESN'T mean that just because you're interested he will be. This is the FATAL mistake that MOST women who take the initiative with men make. You ask MOST men and they'll tell you they find 50% of women attractive. And this is the point. A painting can look nice, you might admire it. That doesn't mean you want to buy it. And this is why it's a sticky situation in taking the initiative with a guy. Because while he might find you attractive, he might not feel compelled to date you. And you're going to read that as rejection. It's not! He just not in the same place you are yet (if he ever will be at all).

So my advice to you is if you truly want to date this guy. Give him Adequate time to see you in that light. Don't go for the throat.

I speak from experience. My wife asked me out. I rejected her because she came at me guns blazing and I didn't see her like that. It took me a while to understand what a great match we were, and that she was just Plain smarter than me to see it first. If she'd taken my rejection personal we wouldn't be together this day. And I was the lucky one. That she was patient with me.

[Asker]

Thanks❤❤

[Abbycado]

What holiday? Lol... Easter?

[Asker]

I'm from Ukraine, our Orthodox Easter is coming soon

[Abbycado]

Is that a really big deal for you all? Like something that you would wish happy holidays for?

Just asking to get a feel what you should do or not do.

[Asker]

Not really though, I just wanna have a reason to dm him lol

[Asker]

Last year he was fighting and we dm a little. Apparently I was the only person he had send a text too. His parents haven't heard from him for days and He chose to text me. Still weird to me to be honest.

[Abbycado]

I wouldn’t DM just to say happy holiday. I’d make it more personal. I tried to put myself in this guy’s position.

I get a DM: “Happy holiday”

Me: “Alright”

No what I mean?

[Asker]

So what should I do? I kinda felt I forced him to add me on insta

[Asker]

Should I tell him we should go somewhere on the weekend? I don't know I just want him to be mine lol

[Abbycado]

Whoa, I don't think asking to go away for the weekend is a good idea. You aren't even dating.

I think just a message asking how things are going and what's up is sufficient and see what happens and how he responds. You say you two talk. How long has it been since you have?

That might change my advice.

[Asker]

We live in the same building and known each other since middle school. He had started hitting on me 3 and a half years ago (we were both single at the time). He broke off with his cheating ex month ago.

[Asker]

Whenever he sees me he's so happy and starts telling me stuff and asking lots of questions. He's super secretive and doesn't tell anybody anything so it made me feel good he's comfortable enough w me.

[Abbycado]

Certainly sounds like he has a thing for you if he is really comfortable around you.

[Asker]

Yeah and the fact he was texting me while fighting and not his fam ( I've heard them say that) now I dont know what to do.. I dont wanna come off as needy. He waited for me to send him a request and immediately sent his. What should I do?

[Abbycado]

I really think the best thing is a casual message. Let me give an example.

"Hey, been a while since we have talked. How are things, etc etc." add what you want to that. Just an example rather than something really hard to respond to like "Happy holidays".

[Asker]

Should I tell him next time I see him in person " isn't it weird we've never talked in school" or something like that

[Abbycado]

In my opinion, no. That is not a good starter for a conversation and could get awkward fast. Keep in light and casual to get a conversation going.