New guy, hung out twice and I’m scared I came across as too needy?

[Figuringitout90]

Newly single after a 9.5 year relationship. I Just met a guy a few days ago from an app, hit it off immediately. First meet up we spent 3 hours talking and 45 minutes making out. Told him I was moving in a month and wanted friends with benefits till I go. He was all for it. Next day he was texting me all throughout the day. Met up the next day again and talked for 2 hours and ended up having sex, even cuddled a bit after. Here’s where I might have went wrong, I asked him if at anytime he wasn’t interested in me anymore to let me know. I didn’t want to waste my time or his. I also don’t like being ghosted, a simple “I’m not interested anymore” is good for me. He said okay he would. I was kind of dawdling leaving because we were having a good time. He even texted a bit that night. Next day barely any communication. I know he’s got a busy job but it makes me worried. I asked to hang out again that night and he said he needed a rain check because he wouldn’t be home until late from work. Fair enough, but I haven’t heard from him since (a few hours). He almost always replies. We have made tentative plans for this weekend but I’m worried he won’t reach out at all. I’m aware this could just be my insecurities but I’m just curious what you think? Am I freaking out over nothing?

[HollyK21]

It sounds like he’s honoring the whole friends with benefits notion, and not engaging as much because you aren’t trying to “date” and just hook up. I would say to be honest with yourself though and act within your comfort level. Like do you feel the need for more communication as not to feel “used” per se, or do you want things to be very casual, not building much of a relationship at all? Knowing what you want will help navigate going forward.

[Figuringitout90]

That’s great advice! I do think I want the communication so I don’t feel used. Should I talk to him the next time I see him? Or should I just ride it out and let it go? I really like him, I’d like to just enjoy the time we have.

[HollyK21]

I’m really big on communication so I would definitely advise having a conversation with him lol just to get an idea of what his intentions are. I’d also say to go into the situation remembering not to form attachments or have expectations if you want to keep things casual. Sometimes even if it’s not your intention, sex does tend to connect you, and the last thing you want is to be hurt. There’s always a toy if you’re just looking for satisfaction, but intimacy is very connecting. Essentially I’m saying to just try and protect your heart the best you can☺️

[Anonymous]

You should never make a man think you need them, as they will take advantage of that.

[Figuringitout90]

How did I do that?

[NathanDavis]

yes, you're freaking out...

if you have plans for the weekend, just wait for the weekend

[Figuringitout90]

I just haven’t dated in nearly a decade and I just don’t want to freak him out. Question: what should I do in the event he doesn’t reach out prior to the weekend?

[NathanDavis]

it's just two days...

Thursday and Friday

and you said you wanted friends with benefits for a month... which is basically, you just want the sex while you are in town, so there is no much of a need to be in constant communication as if you were an actual couple, right?

[Figuringitout90]

Ohhh maybe that’s it. I’m treating it like a potential relationship, not a friends with benefits. I think it’s hard to switch mindsets and I didn’t even consider that. I’m so used to being a priority that it’s hard to remember that I’m not. Ugh. So I am being needy but not in the way I’m thinking.

[NathanDavis]

just take it easier, on yourself... and the situationship as well

[Figuringitout90]

Do you think I messed it up? Or can I come back from this?

[NathanDavis]

nothing is messed up, don't worry about it... if anything, just message him Friday, just to be clear on the weekend plans

[Guy13]

It’s hard for a woman to be too needy to a guy on an app…

[Figuringitout90]

Maybe I didn’t clarify, we are no longer on the app. I’ve met him in person.

[Guy13]

It will be okay over thinker. Don’t be a worry wart or he will disappear.

[Figuringitout90]

I just haven’t dated in nearly a decade and I just don’t want to freak him out. Question: what should I do in the event he doesn’t reach out prior to the weekend?

[Guy13]

Call ☎️ me…. 😎

[Figuringitout90]

😂 ohhh right I’m sure that’ll help.

[Guy13]

I know it woukd help get the Worry right out of you…so much more relaxed and equipped for your stressful upcoming date. I’m just looking out for the Best You. You should let me help you be a successful as related to your personal wellness. No charge 💰 Counseling is hard to come by 🙃

[Danny_dan92]

You’re LAUNCHING your pussy at him. Calm TF down

[Figuringitout90]

🤣 maybe I need a little more clarification

[Danny_dan92]

Chill tf out

[Danny_dan92]

Slow tf down

[Figuringitout90]

It’s been almost a decade since I’ve done this! I’m not chill! I get it, I’m overthinking.

[Danny_dan92]

You’re moving at the speed of a figet spinner. Talking about moving on when you aren’t even boyfriend and girlfriend yet is fucken 🤯 like what? No.

Calm down with that. This guy probably thought “she’s literally trynna pick up where she left off or thinks where her previous relationship should have been at the point it ended”

A new relationship is not meant to pick up at the point the previous one ended. Just saying

[Figuringitout90]

Honestly, good point. I’m used to how guys are in relationships and that’s not what we are. The comment about if he isn’t interested was merely so i didn’t try to reach out if that was the case. I get it, I’m treating this like a relationship and it’s not. It’s hard to switch my brain to not being in one.