Why is sex so important to men?

[Anonymous]

I had a man tell me that although he may like a woman a lot and sees himself settling down in the future- he just can’t see himself committing right now because he loves sex too much. He’s not in a place mentally where he is ready to settle down with only one person. He even shared that in the past, he wouldn’t give his real name to women because he knew he just wanted sex and nothing else.
Now I’m fascinated by this…. Meaning, why are men like this? To be so obsessed with pleasure that you would jeopardize not committing to one person and having a family. I know men and women think differently but why would a man choose a minute of pleasure with a random person rather than a lifetime of love with one person. Is sex with one person that bad to men?

[MrOracle]

It's part of evolution - men MUST have a strong desire to not just reproduce, but to reproduce with as many women as possible, because without that urge, the species would literally die out.

Forget about the last 100 years - "recent history" - and think about how humans lived for the approximately 2 million years before agriculture was developed and humans no longer had to migrate every spring and fall with the weather and animals, and could specialize. Before that, people lived in small bands of around 50-200 people typically, and life was incredibly difficult, brutal, and short. It was rare for people to reach 50 years of age, and such people were treated as wise elders and highly prized, because they were old enough to know things.

At the time, women mostly died either of disease or in childbirth, though sometimes as part of war (battles between tribes/clans), while men would commonly die from hunting, traveling (moving over difficult terrain, or encountering ambushes), horse-riding accidents (saddles didn't exist until 200 AD, and stirrups didn't exist until around 400 AD in China and didn't reach Europe until 800 AD or so), and in battle. Women could not survive without a man, and so there were rules and traditions that if a husband was killed, his wife would be taken by the man's brother (if one existed), or by another man in the clan, and it became his responsibility to take care of her and any children that came with her. Short of this, she and her children would be abandoned to die.

Because men had many more threats to their lives, and because there was no advanced medicine, things that would be injuries today were routinely fatal. As such, men rarely lived much beyond 40, and so if they were to reproduce, they had to get busy early, and they had to be prepared to take advantage of every opportunity. Thus, men developed a strong instinct to desire sex and to desire a variation in partners. Women, on the other hand, developed a desire to attract the strongest, highest-status man possible, and if her husband was killed or if she was captured by another clan, she needed to be able to attract (and accept) the highest-status man from the new clan that she could, because the quality of her life directly depended on this.

Again, this was life for several million years, and these instincts are deeply buried in all of us, and control far more of our actions and behavior than many of us realize.

[Oliverlogan263]

Woah, luv that's some real stuff to think about for sure. I mean, as a guy, sex is just kinda wired into our brains different than yours, you know?

I think for a lot of dudes, it really does come down to that physical pleasure and gratification in the moment. When you're young especially, hormones raging and all that. It's just fun to try different girls!

But I get what that dude means too about not being ready to settle down. Once you commit, you gotta focus all your attention on one person. And not all girls are gonna understand having other needs on the side. Easier to stay casual.

Obviously most guys wanna find love eventually, probably when we get more mature. But you can't blame a brother for wanting to have his fun in the meantime! Why limit yourself to just one flavor when the buffet looks so good?

Sex with the right person long-term is probably amazing too. But we don't always know what we want till we try a lot of options, feel me? There's more to life than just settling down young. Hopefully one day we all find the right balance, you know?

[Asker]

I hear you but the man is 35 years old speaking like this….:

[Oliverlogan263]

Whoa okay, 35 is definitely pushing it to still be using those kinds of excuses! At that age I'd expect a guy to be looking for more commitment, not just hookups.

Hmm it's possible some men just take longer to mature in that area I guess. Or maybe he's got some deeper issues preventing him from fully settling down. Like is he afraid of commitment itself? Or commitment to just one woman?

Either way, at 35 if he's still not ready to give up random hookups for an actual relationship, I don't know if he ever truly will be. That would be a red flag for me if I was looking for something long-term. He's had plenty of time to sow his wild oats by now.

I mean don't get me wrong, sex is still important in relationships after settling down too. But choosing it over commitment completely at that age just seems a little questionable, like there's some avoidance of deeper intimacy there maybe.

At the end of the day sis, if you want a serious relationship, this guy doesn't sound fully capable of that right now no matter his excuses. His priorities don't align with settling down it seems. You deserve someone who's not just all talk at that point!

[Anonymous]

Men need, even more so than women, something like faith and the lord (and I’m not even religious…) to hold him accountable. He needs strict rules, responsibility and high expectations from family, friends and society. Otherwise they revert back to total degeneracy. Today there’s non of their previously mentioned needs and we see the result.

[doe9de]

Well every man is different so I can speak for every individual, but for men sex is something that is ingrained in our mind and bodies, we have a natural desire to want to reproduce, it's just nature how we evolved, so we just have a natural want for it. As for men not wanting to settle down, again everyone has there own reasons, some might not want to commit to 1 girl. Other men might not be ready for a long term relationship, mabye they want to save up to buy a house first so they have a place to bring there future bride. Each situation is vastly different, and there is no single answer.

[Anonymous]

Listening to guy talk. It seems that the frequency of sex falls off considerably after the I Do’s! Also after having children. I know in my case it has done just that. So unless a guy really wants children and a permanent relationship. No reason to get married if you like having regular sex.

[Anonymous]

1. Feeling desired and wanted.

2. Intimacy

3. A way to feel successful.

4. It's fun

[Kingofkings1992]

Same reason it’s important to women.