My boyfriend's energy shifted?

[Anonymous]

We usually spend the entire day together on saturdays. This Saturday though I had to get an oil change and after went to my sisters house where my mom and I stayed the whole day. Sunday though I went over to his place and was going to spend a few hours with him then go to the movies around 3 with my family. His energy shifted when he heard that I might be going with my family. I mean he works night shift and goes in at 6. I got to his place around 9-10am so I didn't feel bad leaving because we had seen each other Friday and Sunday. I cried a lot on Sunday because I hate when his energy shifts like that, I understand he is getting more attached to me but the fact that he had said he would be okay if it was family to then say he was thrown off that it was last minute. He said I could have told him yesterday which I then said well you prob would have still gotten a little upset. Anyways I don't even know where I am going with this. I cancelled with my family but part of me was sad the rest of the days even slightly today for missing the movies with them (no rude comments) you'll get blocked

[SteveSmith1985]

If he was thrown off by the last minute nature of you deciding to go with your family, the correct reaction, is to suck it up and deal with it. It's not crazy to want to see your family. Unless this is a regular thing, he shouldn't have had a problem with it.

The part about him probably getting upset anyway, even if you told him the day before is concerning.

He needs to understand that your family is important to you, and that sometimes you'll be spending some of your free time with them. If he can't understand that, then that's a big big problem.

You need to not worry about his shifting energy, if its for a ridiculous reason. If he wants to be a baby, that shouldn't leave you in tears! You didn't do anything wrong.

Don't ever not see your family, because your boyfriend has a problem with that. This should be the last cancelled family-plans. No matter what what it means for the energy.

[Asker]

Thank you!! He said it didn't matter who it was with in his head he thought we would spend the day together since we haven't really seen each other and the fact that it was a last min thing of me leaving is what shifted his energy but you are right it shouldn't happen for family

[ProbablyClueless]

Maybe this was something he was hoping to do with you at a later date? It's also possible that you're just dealing with someone who has an unhealthy emotional attachment style. There are a lot of people who have wacky stuff like that going on.

If I were you, I wouldn't try to find sense in a situation like that. If he ever gets ready to talk about it, genuinely listen to him. I'm not sure what else you can do in this situation.

[Asker]

He has had toxic relationships before, he doesn't like to talk about what he is feeling and I do and I tell him it is okay to talk about how he is feeling. We did talk it out that day though. He told me that he doesn't like to see me for a few hours that he doesn't feel fulfilled, he likes to see me longer hours or the whole day type of thing

[ProbablyClueless]

Ugh... you can even see the toxicity in the way you just described his behavior. He doesn't "feel fulfilled" when he only sees you for a few hours? I get that you love him, but don't make excuses for his behavior. This is a fully grown adult we're talking about, not a toddler. This is extremely codependent and unhealthy behavior.

[Staximus]

There's nothing wrong with spending the weekend with your family, he needs to stop being a big baby and you should not be giving in to this behavior

[Asker]

Thank you, I needed to hear this. He likes to see me longer than just a few hours but his energy shifting makes me upset because then it makes me feel like I can't see my family or go anywhere which will leave me feeling resentment towards him