Why do I want to reach out when I know it will only lead to disappointment?

[Anonymous]

I keep telling myself that I'm the rule not the exception. I really can't handle another rejection, but he's still on my mind.

I met a guy online between 5 and 18 months. We exchanged numbers, then texted or chatted for a brief time. I recall texting him to meet up and he never responded. He lives in Vancouver and I stay in Seattle.

About 7weeks ago, he reached out to meet. We were supposed to grab drinks, but I had a work deadline. By the time I finished I didn't want to meet at a bar, so we met at his hotel. We chatted briefly then fooled around, and ended up doing 3rd base stuff because he couldn't get it up. I spent the night and the next day we said goodbye.

I haven't heard from him. Now I feel silly because I've been thinking about him, but I assume he isn't interested because he never followed up. I know there are various factors that would cause a guy to not get hard, but in the back of my mind I think he wasn't attracted to me.

[ohsheeT]

Time out. Ok first things first


No it's not your fault. I've seen many questions like this before. And you looking at it all wrong


First thing is it wasn't meant to happen

The reason simple he was going to use you and he did little bit.
Let me ask you would you rather be up set that he couldn't get it up

Or more up set he gets it up but only last 2 min. It wasn't about you.
Thar was his next mistake
All he cared about was getting it up and getting off that's it.

He couldn't do it so he gave up

What about you he couldn't get it up because he was thinking only about himself.
If he Would have made it about you an keep making out. Went down on you to please you.

Just maybe he would had got in to it and got you red hot it would have takin his mind off him self and would have been on you only making you scream and then it would have worked for him but he was selfish in so many ways. I Guarantee this guy is probably a lousy fuck You have nothing in common And his selfish. If he dies get to go out with again the same thing will happen

Because he's only into it for himself. I can't tell you what to do but.
I would run l o l find someone who likes you and wants to please you not just himself

[Asker]

When I arrived at his hotel, we chatted for a bit and the guy asked if he could perform oral sex on me. We kissed and he gave me oral several times.
I kept thinking he used me... maybe it was more of an opportunity and curiosity for him than anything else.

[ohsheeT]

Well that's good he did that I would think..

Can I ask how he used you

When he asked you about giving oral did you say yes or no?

[SteveSmith1985]

No... he is not reaching out because he didn't get hard. Especially if it was a big deal at the time (don't know if it was or it wasn't). But the guys definitely embarrassed. I wouldn't take his not reaching out, after that specific encounter, to be a sign he isn't interested. He'd be worried you're probably not interested.

I can't tell you that it'll work out if you reach out. But the specific of this situation make it one where... you might have to be the one to reach out... even if he's totally interested.

I think you should.

(also, not being attracted to you is never the reason for this. Thinking that leads to nothing but problems. This is a perfect example of a problem caused by this thinking)

[Anonymous]

I think he’s embarrassed about not getting hard and that’s why he hasn’t called you

[Shiprex]

I think you wanted to have something more than an empty end to what formed in your mind of a meaningful seed that you want to see grow and flourish. However, I think he may be disappointed he didn't do the deed or couldn't and is not likely to want to be around you as this is embarrassing for him.

[exitseven]

maybe he is embarrassed about his misfire. send him an email , the worst thing to happen is he ignores you and then you will at least have some peace.

[Yohenis]

Your instincts are right