There was a girl who I used to work, we became close at work we hung out after work almost to the point where people at work assumed we were together. I liked her so I asked her out and she said she would never date me but this was more connected to my race than anything else cause uncovering more layers she said she simply didn’t grow up around many mixed or biracial men she was white for context
I'm sorry you experienced this. And that you haven't received more help or comfort on your question here.
You tell yourself that it's about her own biases, ego, and that you are more evolved than her.
As normal and reasonable as it sounds to those of us who don't fixate on these things, there are, unfortunately, many who still do, and though the world and society are changing, progress is messy, and doesn't happen in a straight line, as they say. (Obama said this as well. I thought it showed what a capable leader and sensible person he was, not focusing on the negative all the time. He accepted this as an unfortunate part of humanity.) Change also happens, usually, by a person's experiences with one person, not the masses. Even Mother Theresa said this, when asked how she doesn't feel overwhelmed. "I focus on the one." So, who knows, maybe you are having some positive effect on her. But try to chalk it up to something like, "She's not there yet" in your mind. I know it stings, but prejudices are taught and learned, and unfortunately we all pay for the sins of others, and the biases of others.
Biases do exist in all of us, but when it comes to dating and possible long-term relationships, ego also factors in. Some people want offspring that look like them as much as possible. They don't want to diverge away from their race because they like themselves, their skin colours and features, etc. etc., and want kids who will carry on their genes. It's about legacy, feeling like there will be a piece of them still on earth when they're gone. They ignore practical benefits such as gene diversification which contributes to healthier humans. They want to look in the mirror, and look down at their kid, and think, yep, that's my kid, looks like me. (To be fair, some genes are more recessive than others.)
These feelings might exist on a buried, subconscious level. Maybe the person never intends to have kids. Maybe they want to see themselves as not having prejudices. But the fact that she was hanging out with you, and others at work saw you together, leans this whole thing toward either the first which I wrote above, or that she sees herself as superior, for whatever reason. And a partner in life, and father of her children, is a more important person than a colleague. So she's not so prejudice that she is avoiding contact, or treating you with disrespect, but she is drawing a line beyond that. And it sounds like it took a bit of prying to get her to tell you honestly that she not comfortable dating biracial. So, I think it's about her image of herself, who she sees herself with, and that she doesn't want to dilute her genes, should kids happen, unplanned or planned. But you are the better, more evolved person here. And I can also say that you are a decent person because you asked this question in a way that was measured, and didn't lash out or go on a tirade or anything of the sort, so I commend you.
This reminds me, I was reading about Sartre this weekend. I learned something I didn't know; something that is often misunderstood, misinterpreted.
French philosopher Jean-Paul Sartre's famous phrase "L'enfer, c'est les autres" or "Hell is other people", is a reference to his ideas about the perpetual ontological struggle of seeing oneself as an object from the view of another's consciousness.
"This does not mean other people are the worst, and you should hide yourself in a dark, room so that you don't have to put up with them. The line comes from his 1944 existentialist play "Huis Clos," or "No Exit" in which three people are trapped in Hell — which is a single room — and ultimately, while confessing their sins to one another, end up falling into a bizarre love triangle.
The confinement of the characters extends beyond their physical holding room: they are trapped by the judgments of their cellmates. That's why one of the characters says, "Hell is other people" — because of how we are unable to escape the watchful gaze of everyone around us. "By their mere appearance of the Other," says Sartre in Being and Nothingness, "I am put in the position of passing judgment on myself as on an object, for it is as an object that I appear to the Other."
Sartre offered a clarification: 'Hell is other people" has always been misunderstood. It has been thought that what I meant by that was that our relations with other people are always poisoned, that they are invariably hellish relations. But what I really mean is something totally different. I mean that if relations with someone else are twisted, vitiated, then that other person can only be hell. Why? Because … when we think about ourselves, when we try to know ourselves … we use the knowledge of us which other people already have. We judge ourselves with the means other people have and have given us for judging ourselves.' i. e. Hell is other people because you are, in some sense, trapped within them, subject to their apprehension of you."
Their opinion is opinion, not fact. There are many people who will find value in you, and what you need to try to do is sidestep those who don't, for those who do. Such as the struggle for all humans. You cannot control other people's opinions, but you can continue to make effort to be a good person, and some will notice this, and with some, you will slowly change their minds. Beyond that, don't let it eat you up. You know who you are on the inside. People do develop preferences based on familiarity. What is familiar often feels comfortable. However, on the flip side, newness, novelty, and rarity can also be seen as attractive and highly desirable. I think some of the most beautiful and handsome people are biracial. And I've dated other races. And I've always thought it's stupid that humans are divided among races. I tend not to use the word much. We're all the human race, right?
People make it sound like if someone has preferences including race makes them a bad person… it’s not at all.. she just has her own preferences… rejection does suck, but we shouldn’t let it hold us back from giving other great people chances. let yourself heal and then try again with someone new you’ll vibe with :)
Even though there are no good ways to get rejected, that must have stung pretty bad. The bad thing about the dating process is there are many possibilities out there but you have to be willing to do the work. The next one might be the one. Or maybe you will never find the one. It's just a big crap shoot.
Mourn this period in your life and go out and find somebody else.
Opinion
2Opinion
m it isn't end of world
people like her exist
there r much more amazing people out there
That ain’t racist. I don’t see that wrong
Doesn’t seem like a need to ask this anon
You ask other women.
You can also add your opinion below!
