My girlfriend is clingier than normal?

[Anonymous]

So I got pretty hurt the other day from work huge cut on my arm, I told my girlfriend she was at the hospital with ne the 2 days I was there, I found out she didn't go home when I told her too and she kept checking if I was breathing. We've been together 3 years, she's 23 years old, I'm kind of like her first official boyfriend and the second person she's been with, other guy used her for a bet so took a while for her to trust me when I first asked her, she was super underweight she didn't look her age at all. She does say weird stuff like making me promise I'll die after she does. She's pretty clingy so I let her know where I'm at always and what I'm doing and when I'll be done and she shows up where I'm at if she can with lunch. The guys I work with love her so do my friends and family find her adorable and quiet but she talks a lot more with me and her friends. She's honestly too nice so she asks me if she doubts herself on somethings which 98% of things, I'm basically her google and she's a bit of a cry baby but she's been managing to keep it in lately. She can go a couple hours without me messaging and vice versa. But since I got hurt she's been hovering looking like a sad puppy tho I'm fine, it's to the point she feeds me. Then I have to try not wince if my arm hurts cause she gets all teary eyed. I don't mind the extra care but how can I let her know I'm fine and she doesn't hyperventilate nth I say helps. I tripped the other day she was at my house u'd think I got shot. Even my 7 Yr old kid isn't as worried about me, he's the same amount of clingy. I appreciate her don't get me wrong I enjoy the extra attention but I need her to calm down for her sake. She's scared to hug me now cause she brushed my arm, I'm not made of glass. I can't convince her otherwise. Even my kid worried about her too he runs for her asthma pump. She listens to me snore on the phone only way she sleeps, if she's not here worse how she's a nursing student. I can't hide anything.

[SteveSmith1985]

Hey man. This did an excellent job of providing enough detail to get an actual picture of your situation.

You provided enough detail here, to make it clear that this is actually pretty serious. This is way beyond the normal case of a girlfriend being clingy. She really does need some professional help with this, if that's practical.

There is something deeper at play here, having to do with a fear of losing you (and likely that's related to some deeper fear of abandonment, or of being alone, or something else enirely. And that might come from childhood, or past traumas, or something else entirely).

This is deeply rooted, and clearly your getting hurt has caused her to mentally not handle this proportionately or realistically.

It also depends on just how hurt you were. If you were in the hospital for 2 days that sounds like it wasn't just an arm injury (or maybe it was, I'm not trying to call you a liar) .

I'm just wondering if maybe you're downplaying how scary this might have been for her? I think a better way to put it might be: how unreasonable was it, for her to have worried you might have stopped breathing?

If it was completely unrealistic for her to have been worried you weren't breathing, given your condition... then I'd say this is extremely concerning. If on the other hand, you went into emergency surgery, or had tubes in your nose and an arm all mangled to shit and stitched back up. then maybe it's a trauma response.

It's concerning as well because this is her first relationship. You and I both know this is an extremely unhealthy level of attachment. It's concerning that she is reacting in a way that's not appropriate to the situation.


Keeping tabs on you is not ok man. I understand why you're indulging that while she's having a crisis after you got hurt... but that's not ok in any relationship. I hope I'm not telling you something you don't already know. That's a giant glaring red-flag. It's unhealthy. It's wrong.

She is having problems that are above the level of what's normal; Even the most extreme cases of a clingy girlfriend. There is something going on here that is really not going to be easy to untangle or change without some professional help. It's like she has PTSD but not displaying symptoms that I would usually associate with that (but what do I know, I'm no doctor). I do think that she needs to talk to someone about this. A psychologist would be better than a therapist. But a therapist would be better than nothing for sure. If that's not an option. I honestly don't even know what to suggest you try.

[Asker]

I think it also had to do with a car accident we had a few years ago like first year of us dating. She came out fine with a broken arm , I made sure of that, stupid drunk driver. I kinda cracked my head open, like seeing my brain. I kinda had to relearn a couple things so I guess she got ptsd from that too but the whole glass thing wasn't that bad, a peice got in my eye but didn't injure anything. I got like 8 stitches and about 4 in the other. Doesn't than the guts showed her the video of me walking around in own blood yh I lost a lot but it's not big deal to me. I can move my fingers, one of my arms are in a sling. I was kinda messed up bad after the crash, still get migraines from it time to time, but she seemed fine at the time, she wasn't crying as much as she is now so that might be connected to it. i'll talk to her about it.

[SteveSmith1985]

Yes you are probably right about the car accident being part of this as well. You should definitely talk to her about it.

[Asker]

And she doesn't keep tabs on me or anything , I started all of that, it's just been a thing since we started dating. I call her in the morning to wake her up. Get her drop her off at work if I don't have to be up really early. Text her when I get to work. She works 6 hors a day so she has classes at 3 or 4 in the evening. Usually that's when I get off. She finishes at 7 or 8. I get her most times or she takes the bus or ubers home or to my house if I can't. She picks my kid up on days I have to work late or busy with my mom at the hospital. I just like telling her what I'm doing so no tabs are kept by either of us. Well maybe I kinda do , she has a restraining order against the first guy and so I worry about him finding her new job or address.

[Asker]

Yh I'll bring it up to her, I just want her to calm down and stop panicking. i'm gonna be resting for the next week.

[SteveSmith1985]

I hear you on the tabs thing. That's not so much tabs, that's just being involved with each other on the day-to-day. That's not the problem I had been picturing.

Yea do bring it up to her. It's concerning. See if you can get her to calm down by hearing her out, even if it's irrational, and trying to bring things back to a more appropriate level of worrying about you. I just worry that it might be harder to do than you think. PTSD isn't something I know a whole lot about. But I do know, it's not a rational thing. I hope you can though. It's certainly a good first step regardless to bring it up to her.

[Fireguy17]

that is just what they do.
It's the mothering instinct in them.