I am ashamed to be seen with my boyfriend... Does that make me a bad person?

Question

He's sweet, funny, and truly cares about me but something about the way he acts, dresses, or carries himself in public just makes me want to hide. It's not that I don't care about him... I just feel secondhand embarrassment when we're out together.

I know relationships should be about love, not appearances but I can't help how I feel.
Have you ever been in a situation like this?

Finchie40 · Accepted Answer

Makes you an insecure , low self esteem person because you aren’t accepting him the same way he is accepting you , it makes you a person that seeks validation , which validation means absolutely nothing. If you think it does , you should go seek some therapy. We don’t get into relationships with someone to compare them to other people or to be embarrassed by them , you get into a relationship because you choose that person the same way you want them choosing you , Does you shit stink or doesn’t smell like Roses? I got news for you no one’s’ shit smells like roses. , so if you constantly compare your partner to other people , you will never find true love because you aren’t accepting him the same way you want him to accept you , you are only concerned about yourself , if you can’t give the same way you want to receive , you will constantly fail in relationships because you aren’t giving the same way you want to receive , which sadly makes you a selfish person , that only cares about what you think is best for yourself , and you don’t care about how your partner feels whatsoever, you can pretty much have a relationship all by yourself , because all you care about is yourself. You are embarrassed by your partner because all you care about is yourself and what other people think or say , if you truly my loved your partner , other people would t mean shit to you whatsoever , you would become blind to those other people period and realize you have a partner that loves you for you , but sadly you don’t love him for him , but the fact that it does bother you , is a clear sign you have low self esteem and insecurities about yourself , that you should honestly Go seek counseling for and get your selfish ass some help for that shit

Summeroflove · Accepted Answer

I don’t know you well enough to say if you’re a bad person but if you feel bad about it probably not however if you know it’s wrong you should do something about it.

If you really love and care for him then you’re going to have to have a serious conversation about the way you feel be compassionate. But maybe you need to cut him loose if he’s funny, sweet, and genuinely caring then let him go find someone whose not going to be ashamed of him.

Maybe you can work things through if you’re brutally honest but respectful at the same time. But you just need to give him that out maybe you both just need someone else.

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

I think you talked yourself into that relationship, because aside from his looks he’s a good partner. Maybe your age and impatience played a role too, like you think your chances of finding someone new in your late 30s/40s are slim and you don’t wanna miss out. A price comes with that mindset though and right now you’re paying it.

Ask yourself if he’s worth all this and if he is then you must actively stop being shallow. If you really believe in inner beauty and looks not being everything then remind yourself of that. If you can’t do better than let him go, I’m sure it would hurt his feelings to hear you feel this way.

PeachyPie93 · Accepted Answer

Obviously you are just using him to make you feel good because you say you "care about him" not that you love him and you are embarrassed. So like why are you with him? I never dated someone I felt embarrassed about since we aren't compatible if I feel that way about them.

Rosexøxø · Answer

By title question alone: it makes the relationship bad. And in some instances and perspectives, it does make you a bad partner for staying in a relationship when you don’t want to be seen with him, and he most likely can’t change/help that.

I read the first few sentences and reconsidered my initial comment ^^

but ultimately if it’s great and falls short then it’s just that. It’s great and falls short, so in some ways it can count as a bad relationship because it’s missing key components and falling short of certain necessities, but if may just be something to be aware of and try to work on improving if it’s not a deal breaker or highly horrible thing/ a serious roadblock.

After fully reading, I say that’s relatable, and not a foreign/ unheard of concept. It’s like being embarrassed of a parent when with friends, so there’s only two real options.

Accept him as a teen would come to accept their parents when amongst other social groups- and valuing their originality and place with you,

or

Keep the social circles compartmentalized and hang out with the “parents” your boyfriend in places you both can get along well in and have peace of mind in. Also potentially having less pressure/stressors about having to worry about self image/ performance/ etc. and instead focus on the more important and present thing- being with each other and creating nice moments during that.

Ultimately seems you are worried of what others think about you and who you are around. Have to not let their ideas dictate what you do, or how you are, and who you hang out with. Also realizing who you spend time with or talk to, doesn’t affect or decide/determine who you are as a person. They can be them, while you can be you. Their actions and all represents them only, and yours represents you only. Simply said.

Don’t worry more about others than him. If that’s the case then it’s a good time to consider someone else in which you’d care only about them or more about them than random strangers all around, elsewhere.

Hope this helps.

Best to you!

SteveSmith1985 · Answer

It doesn't make you a bad person. It definitely means you're with the wrong guy. Before you try and tell me how much you like him... I'm going to stop you right there. Nobody should feel this way about their partner. Ever.

This guy would not want you to be with him if he knew you felt this way.

It's a very clear indication that you're with the wrong person.

You should feel PROUD to be with the person you're with in public. You should feel second-hand-proud (most of the time) when you see other people observing how your boyfriend conducts himself.

Sorry, but there is no way that someone who is with the right person would ever find themselves feeling the way you describe,.

This is not a relationship you should be in.

AviatorTom · Answer

In a good relationship, you accept your partner for who they are. That sometimes results in things you don't like. Your statements and feelings indicate that you are not accepting your partner for who he is, and are unwilling to do that.

Time to end the relationship and move on... best for you... and for him.

ohsheeT · Answer

Well if you can't beat em join them dress act and become him for a night just to see what happens and how he deals with it if you do this you will be saying so many things with out saying anything

Pohjolan · Answer

Maybe address the dressing part first?

A lot of guys are oblivious or indifferent to how superficial women and society can be.

Also fashion is mostly not based on rationality or even at odds with it so it can seem weird or outright stupid to us.

Like something that was deemed optimal in one year is deemed bad on another just because of time difference while the weather has not changed that drastically and the piece of clothing is totally fine.

Economically and environmentally the logical choice would be to use it until it's broken.

Women want to get rid of it because some French gay men decided that it's no longer good so that they can sell them more stuff.

Levin · Answer

Lassie, what is this about. Physical attraction is nae a bad thing. The physical is merely a reflection of the non-physical. Albeit on a slower and more dense level. Physical attraction gives you a good indication, the best indication of what is right or wrong for you. Cut it off at your peril. It sounds like this guy should be a friend rather than anything romantic.

cigarette · Answer

No offense, but if you’re ashamed to be seen with him, you don’t deserve him. He’s not a fashion accessory; he’s a person. Don’t talk about love while cringing next to him in public. Either accept him fully or let him find someone who actually values him.

brandon · Answer

Yeah, I’ve been there. Dated someone who liked me in private but acted distant in public. She was embarrassed by how I dressed or joked around. It really messed with my confidence. If you're ashamed to be seen with someone, maybe you need to rethink why you’re with them at all.

angels · Answer

Yes, I experienced something like this. I loved him, but I realized that I was embarrassed when I was around him outside. It didn't mean I was a bad person, but it made me question myself. We can't suppress our feelings, but we should try to understand the reasons.

Cormac995 · Answer

I can't really say this in a non rude way because the simple answer is don't be so selfish self-centered and shallow. You're never going to be happy if you always find something to complain about and if the way he dresses is a deal breaker you're not even mature enough to date at all yet. Even if he's dressing different then you like there's a difference between having you're own style and going in public in drag etc.

ProbablyClueless · Answer

Not a bad person, but it begs the question of why you haven't spoken up about it, or even why you're dating him.

If my girlfriend was embarrassed to be seen with me in public, at minimum I would want to know how she thought I could improve.

Bricealan · Answer

Yes, I have, and I left if for the reasons you just described... She did not care enough about herself and her appearance to make herself more socially adept. I tolerated it for a long time and just gave up on her ever making a change...

Caroline91 · Answer

I don't know enough about you to know if you are a bad person. But you are a bad match for him.

slatyb · Answer

If you are ashamed to be with him, end it so he can be with someone who accepts him.

MisterWack · Answer

You should dive deeper into the issue and solve it head on.

exitseven · Answer

If yoyu loved him you would not feel this way.

BloodyMary6 · Answer

It sounds like you're hiding, which tells me something. You may have another partner.

AndrésC64 · Answer

Yes. Either you think he is beneath you or you think that your friends think that he is beneath you. Either way, you are really treating him like dirt. Shame on you.

Staximus · Answer

It means you're extremely vain and he doesn't appeal to your vanity or the fake public image that you are trying to portray. He's not the right guy for you.

WhitneySnow · Answer

You need to talk to him. Let him know how you feel and see how he responds.

NicholasRedone · Answer

Well I do dress like a slob 👌🏻🙂👀😄☑️ even as I shower daily

Anonymous · Answer

Ah, so you think you're better than him. You know what you need to do... cut him loose so he can find a better woman who appreciates him for who he is..

Renegade_Sailor · Answer

You need to talk to him about this. Because if he doesn't fix this it's the beginning of the end

genericname85 · Answer

no that doesn't make you a bad person, that makes you terrible at picking your partners.

MinaV · Answer

Do you mean he doesn't dress well or isn't grooming properly?  I don't know but you'll be honest if you truly like him

DCVsMarvel2 · Answer

You have a boyfriend, and you're complaining that you have one. for christ sakes

Gaylordslav · Answer

You met him like this and decided to date and sleep with him yet you're embarrassed

Anonymous · Answer

Why are with someone if they embarrass you to that point?

Anonymous · Answer

Yeah I am now, I feel ashamed of my girlfriend because she doesn't take care of herself, she became fat and yeah..

trumpetplayerforlife · Answer

If that's how you feel it won't work

strateguy632 · Answer

I think it does

Agape93 · Answer

No just a bad partner

glennos89 · Answer

I believe you're not with the right person then

DrPepper12 · Answer

Let him go. This is insurmountable.

Anonymous · Answer

Let him go...

Nerdvana · Answer

What specifically does he do?

Jeff51 · Answer

Yes. Or let him go

Anonymous · Answer

You seem like a female

xyzguy1296 · Answer

No , you are not bad , but you are just insecure

eagle1951 · Answer

why are you ashamed to be seen with him

jahaims · Answer

You're an idiot

January_Sixth · Answer

Very strange

I am ashamed to be seen with my boyfriend... Does that make me a bad person?

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I am ashamed to be seen with my boyfriend... Does that make me a bad person?

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