My boyfriend is ashamed to be seen with me?

[Anonymous]

we've been together for 9 months and he's always been reluctant to hold my hand when we are out in public. sometimes to the extreme that he wouldn't even talk to me when he's with his friends, or lie to other people that I'm just a "friend". I asked him why he's doing this, I forced it out of him and he said because he's really shallow, he says I'm not pretty or skinny enough for his standards and he's afraid of what people will think when they find out I'm his girlfriend. then I hinted that I'm gonna leave him but he begged me not to go, he says he really loves me and he's changing, and I did notice that he is slowing improving. he's only average looking and he's really skinny, I don't know how pretty of a girl he wants. should I wait for him to change or just leave it and I too should feel embarrassed by him and hide our relationship?

[ALWAYSclassy]

**REAL MUTHAF*CKIN TALK BELOW - PROCEED WITH CAUTION, YOU JUST MIGHT GET YOUR FEELINGS HURT**

Dump him. You should have way more self respect and esteem for yourself than to even CONSIDER staying with this man! He's just using you and doesn't really like you. Only reason he doesn't want you to leave is because he enjoys the benefits of a girlfriend without having to commit. If a man won't claim you you are NOT his real girlfriend. Funny how he's reluctant to claim you in public but probably not reluctant to f*** you in private. That is disgusting and a wrong way to treat someone. He will never respect you because you are staying with him while he disrespects you. Funny how some of the most average guys seem to think they're entitled to a model 10/10 girlfriend instead of appreciating the woman who can overlook his flaws and like him for him

AND YES--- you SHOULD forget all the good things he's done for you. None of that means sh*t when he can tell you to your face that you aren't good enough to be affirmed publicly and are only good enough in his eyes to be a secret girlfriend. You're good enough to f*** in private but when his friends come around you get ignored? Wake up and smell the coffee he doesn't care about you! No amount of nice placating behavior he does when you're alone will erase that fact. Your SO is supposed to take care of you while you're sick, I'm sure you would do the same for him. And don't get excited because a guy paid for dates, it was his choice to do that, don't feel you need to put up with disrespect because he paid for your food. You're worth more than that, why can't you see it?

As soon as he finds that trophy girl who will put up with him he'll leave you for her since he doesn't really care for you that much. "personality" to a shallow user like him is BULLSHIT. When he says "pretty girls don't have the personality" he REALLY means "pretty girls won't put up with my sh*t the way you do" or "pretty girls reject me and I can't get one so I might as well stick with you".

[Phoenix1991]

My god, that was extremely well said. My hat is off to you for that.

[PagingCloud9]

I HAD to +1. That was some serious Real Talk.

[BrookeleShort]

I agree with Oliviapetri, you shouldn't be ashamed of each other, they say love is blind and I can't believe he would admit to you that he's embarassed by you he's basically telling you that you are not worthy of him and he doesn't even sound that amazing I feel bad for you that's almost mental abuse to hurt you like that. I think when you guys hang out with his friends that you should just bluntly outright say "I'm his girlfriend! But he won't admit it, do you think I am pretty enough for him? Because he doesn't think so apparently" just embarass him because he deserves it your supposed to love and support each other he shouldn't be bringing you down like that I think you deserve better and should move on, once you leave him hell probably come around because the karma of treating a good girl bad is the bitch he'll end up with=) Niki minaj said that or something close to it lol and I love that saying

[Luv2Rock89]

um, are you really unsure what to do here? you need to have more respect for YOURSELF and walk out now. why are you still referring to this douche as your boyfriend? take a long hard look at what this guy is going to be like later down the road...he'll probably leave you for a girl he thinks is better than you, more attractive, etc...don't let him treat you that way! leave him before he ends up leaving you. NO-ONE should have to put up with that type of behavior. if he really "loved" you he would show you off and be proud of you, not be a shallow coward and hide you. he's a liar, and needs to get a grip on reality. I'm sorry you're dealing with this.

[Asker]

should I forget all the good things he's done for me (ex:taking care of me multiple times when I was sick and paying for EVERYTHING on our dates in the beginning 8 months of our relationship) and leave him?

[Luv2Rock89]

YEAH. actions speak louder than words, girl.

[Phoenix1991]

Look if he said that to your face, he has disrespected you and has did those things for a long time? That's really messed up. If he didn't want to date you, then he shouldn't of got your hopes up. That's really really f***ed up. ( Excuse my language I'm really upset about that.) I have dated girls slim, average, even bigger then me, I don't care. If I date that person, apparently I find them extremely beautiful and amazing to be with. I mean ill hold hands in public, kiss on the cheek,forehead, on the lips for 5 secs at max. ( or ill keep going and I don't want eyes on us for being too affectionate in public.) So if a guy was shallow from the get go, he shouldn't of dated you, shallow and relationships don't mix. I don't wanna put the idea in your head but its a fact or closed to it. 70 percent of people who are shallow and in a relationship tend to look else where and sometimes act out on those urges or desires. If I were you, I would say this to him " Well since that is the reason why your been treating me that way in public, because your ashamed to be with me? Fine , well I'm ashamed to be with a shallow a**hole who I thought loved me for me, but apparently doesn't" Just pick up your stuff, and walk right out, you deserve better, and you will get better. =)

[Jesss]

Dump him as soon as possible.

He is just a shallow guy afraid of loneliness who doesn't deserve you.If he has suck high standards you should leave him with them.

In my opinion he said some hurtful things to you and if I were to interpretate I would say that he will keep you until he will find his "standard girl" and then will leave you and also deny being with you because after all he keeps you a secret.

[Asker]

that's what I thought but when I asked him he said he wouldn't go for the pretty girl because he loves my personality. should I still dump him if he now holds my hand and tells people that I'm his gf?

[Jesss]

If now he admits to being with you it means he somehow cares about you.It's your decision after all but if he lied about not being with you for such a long time I would think twice.

[latina1985]

If he can't see and love you for the person you are then dear he isn't worth it. You need someone who can love you inside and out. I was in a relationship like that for five years and it just made me more miserable about myself plus he was cheating on me. Since then I love the way I look and found someone else who does.

[oliviapetri34]

Well if that's obviously how you feel, how can you two love each other? A relationship should be about understanding and loving each other and not feeling ashamed around each other. He should have never been that way and if you are going to be embarrassed of him, break up and move on.

[iceprincess320]

You should dump him. If he is going to lie to his friends and tell you that you don't meet his standards then he's a douche and you shouldn't be with him.

[butterfly_girl]

Why are you with him? your boyfriend should love and appreciate you for who you are and not be ashamed of you! you can do so much better than him by the sound of things x

[Elizabeth13]

Sorry to hear this... I've been with my children's father for 21 years and until yesterday I wasn't aware he was embarrassed to be seen with me. Soooo dump him asap, you really don't wanna be late 30s or 40s trying to feel good enough😑

[grapevine_stella]

Dump tht pig