My dad caught me having sex with my boyfriend and I dont know what to do I'm 19 and his 21 (almost 22)?

[Anonymous]

My boyfriend came to see me at my house but we where outside but my older brother left so i let him pass inside we stared to make out and well i told him that it had to be quick because someone could come. I'm without pants and he has a little of this pants down too and well like 5 minutes pass and i hear my dogs steps (my dog was outside that means someone let her in) and my dad opens the door and just screamed this must be a joke. My boyfriend just left and my father went after him screaming get out i dont want to see you ever again, my father came to my room and said he couldnt believe this and i have to break up with him and that it was just going to be between us. My boyfriend called me crying and told me that he was sorry that he loves me and told me not to break up with him he had plans for us and he wants to apologize to my father. I called my best friend and my dad came into my room and told me that i can't see her anymore. The next day dad tried to talk to me but i didn't say a word, he said what was wrong with me and why i did that, the only thing i said that there wasn't penetration and he hoped so coz if i get pregant he would forget i was a lady and beat me up. he can't look at my mom because of what happened and stared to cry, i can't get out of my house and that he was going to be checking on me. i have to delete all my social medias and at 10 my phone must be at my parents room. he wanted me to promise that a was going to breakeup with my boyfriend and that he would thrust my word;but i can't, i told my dad i'm still a virgin but im not (my boyfriend was my first time i think that why it hard for me to say goodbye). It's really weird the relationship with my dad we can't look at eachother but he acts like if nothing happened in front of my brother and mom but he doesn't even look at me. I'm really sad and ashamed of what i've done i just want my fathers' thrust again, i think my dad and i need help because we are traumatized and with bad memories of that day. What should i do.

Updates

+1 y

Well if my dad acted like this my mom will be worse, thats the reason why my dad won't tell her. My mom never like my boyfriend because he doesn't have a lot of money and works as a waiter... actually my mom found a stupid reason once and at the mall screamed at me and broke up with my boyfriend. My boyfriend called me later that day and told me that no matter what he wasn't going to leave me. I don't think i can't talk to my mom about this, my dad is even afraid of my mom

[redeyemindtricks]

Yr father SAID that he would BEAT YOU UP if you were PREGNANT?

Oh HELL no.

This is not "my dad and I need help". There is some shit that NEVER gets said, and NEVER gets threatened, under ANY circumstances... and this is one example of that shit.
Yr father needs help. If I were you, I would not even feel physically safe around him anymore -- UNTIL he gives you a sincere apology, at least for *that* part of what he said.

People say some shit when they're angry, so, fine, forgive and forget with the rest of it. But you DO NOT threaten a pregnant woman. Even a theoretical pregnant woman.
Oh fuck no you don't.
Oh sweet fucking HELL to the no.

Talk to yr mother about what he said, if you haven't already. Talk to HIM about it. You deserve an apology, I don't care if he thinks you're a dirty slut or whatever the fuck. Doesn't matter. Does. Not. Fucking. Matter.

If he absolutely will not budge and will not apologize, then, if I were in yr shoes, I'd even consider taking out an order of protection. Srsly, I wouldn't feel safe, after some shit like that.

[redeyemindtricks]

He needs to apologize to you, and he needs to go get help. Professional help.

There are some lines you just don't cross.

[Vesuvius87]

This

[HookingSwan]

I also think he said things in the heat of the moment. But still, it is really bad that parents act this way

He should be more concerned with making sure she was taking all the precautions than with making her break up wth her boyfriend

It just does not seem like good parenting, on my book

[Vesuvius87]

@HookingSwan Yeah it's bad parenting. Now, I'm willing to be the asker won't trust her father in the future if she ever needed advice or help. Talk about an great way of ending up with kids distrusting you and fearing your reactions.

If I were a parents, I would want to have an open conversation and my kids to trust me that I'll be there to help and guide them... not to fear me.

[HookingSwan]

@Vesuvius87

precisely

I am experiencing that at the moment. My parents never did anything simmilar, but they also never let me know I could tell them anything without fearing judgement.

So when I become a parent I will try to remember how it feels being on the other side.

[Goldie757]

Preach girl, preach

vomzi.com/.../preach-gif.gif

[Asker]

I do feel really scared of my dad, his face the way he looks at me sometimes really freakes me out. My brother saw his face and asked what happed and he just said nothing. My dad is afraid of my mom imagine how i feel about if my mom finds out😳

[redeyemindtricks]

Do you have anywhere you could go stay? Any friends you could stay with for a bit?

If I were you, I'd write yr father a letter. I think that's the only kind of communication that has a chance of connecting with him here.
Point out what he said -- mb he won't even remember saying it, depending on the mental state he was in at the time -- and just tell him how that makes YOU feel (probably betrayed, and unsafe).
Don't explicitly demand an apology in the letter... Just tell him that those words made you feel like he's the enemy, and that you just can't trust him to protect you WHEN YOU NEED HIM.

Then see what he does.

Hopefully, he'll read the letter, think it over, and come talk to you and offer you an apology for what he said in anger. (You could even write, in the letter, something like "I hope you said those words just out of anger, and didn't really mean them" / "I hope those words don't reflect how you really feel about me.") If he does... then, that would be a good outcome.

[redeyemindtricks]

Obviously things would still be far from perfect in yr household, but, that sort of thing would certainly go a long way toward re-establishing some peace.

Worst-case scenario would be that he just doesn't respond, or responds with belligerence or more threats.
In that case... well, you know that you simply can't count on him to support you or protect you, either physically or emotionally -- and, in fact, he might even be a threat of danger, depending on circumstances.
In that case, I really hate to say this, but, you'd have to cut ties with him, and find somewhere else to live. At least temporarily. I'm sure you have *some* friend who'll take you in, at least for a bit, if that sort of thing is happening.

But... yeah. Put yr thoughts down in writing. If he has to read through them and take time before responding, you might get a more thoughtful response out of him than if you simply try to confront him.

Good luck girl, I'm afraid yr gna need it.

[1975Chocolate]

Well, you are over the age of eighteen. Which does mean that you father doesn't have much control over you since you are a young adult. I think your father over reacted, and isn't fair to you to have everything you own, such as phone, be taken away. They need to realize that you are an adult. And guess what adults do when they have a partner? Adult things such as sex. I would be upset only because you had sex under their roof. I would set both of your parents down, and let them know that you are grown, but you are sorry that your father had to see such an event, and that it won't happen again. 😊

[Goldie757]

Your an adult in an adult relationship. Do not apologise or feel guilty. You going to have to woman up and explain to your dad you are not a child so he should stop treating you like one.

If I were you I would make a point by moving out.

[joeb73]

its hard for your dad because for the first time you are no longer the little girl you once was. he has to realize that you are 19 and an adult. i also understand he wants to you to be someone. and he knows its hard to make it in this world even if you dont have kids let alone if you do.
even though it will be hard to sit down and talk to him you your mom and dad will have to. tell them your sorry for disrespecting living under there roof like that but you are an adult and them ask them them honestly when was there first time. then ask what is he going to do when you do want to get married or start your own family is he going to reject that also?
sorry i was ranting its just some idea's to talk about

[ksoma]

I can't read that.
I'm sorry. One huge brick of text is actually very difficult and almost painful to read.
So here is my simple answer going from what little I could glean:

If you are in your father's house, he has every right to say he does not accept certain things in his house.
but that said, you are an adult, and he can not decide your life. any part of it, at all. do not break up with your boyfriend. your father has no right to make that demand.
and while we're at it, don't have your boyfriend apologize to your father. what happened between you and him was between you and him, and you're both adults.

[Asker]

I agree with you about that my boyfriend shouldn't talk to my dad, i don't think it would end pretty

[langolier87]

seems like your father has the issues not you. you are a grown woman who can make grown choices and you need to tell him that. you need to stand up for yourself.
be prepared for him to threaten to throw you out. if you are serious about your boyfriend then you should be willing to stand your ground. if not then he wasn't the man for you anyway. either way you need to make your father understand that even if he doesn't agree with your actions and choices he can not stop you. you are a grown woman. if he wants to keep you in his life then he needs to accept that.
that is my opinion for what it is worth.

[singlebee]

Your dad is a controlling jerk!! Your are over 18 and he had no right to control your life... And your have to tell him that...
Aldo tell your mom about it...
Its natural to have sex...
Your have a complete right to have sex and your dad can't do you from that...

He needs to get a life... Don't break up with your boyfriend... Just because your controlling dad says so...
If he tried to hurt you call the police on him...
But don't let him control you... He had no right to make you breakup with anyone.

[Asker]

The last boyfriend i had was 2 years ago and my parents made me beeak up with him too, its not the first time they dont like a boyfriend but my actual boyfriend such a good person it's the first time i love someone. And my mom, she freaks me out to even my dad is afraid of her, my mom will beat the crap out of me

[singlebee]

Call the police in them... That's very wrong to beat you up... Your are over 18.. Why don't you move out?

[Asker]

My parents are really over protected, they don't let us get a job. my older brother is 22 almost 23 imagine that. We both really would like to move out but don't have the money

[mikeaaa]

You are old enough to move out. If you can't then don't break the rules. Your dad kinda overreacted but that wasn't to be mean. You need to wait a few days then try to talk to him. Dad's don't want their little girls growing up and every father faces that. He knows he can't stop you. It sounds like he freaked and responded with anger. If he is not normally a angry guy then you can restore your relationship. Young people have sex, he also knows this. Don't break up with your boyfriend right away. Just don't have sex at your parents house. And don't just move out so you can. That will be hard on all of you with lasting results

[gapminder]

Wow that escalated quickly!
I've read a ton of the comments so far and I think we all can agree.
1. He's completely out of line
2. You're an adult
3. He cannot control you anymore
4. Boundaries need to be discussed if you are going to stay there.

What parent barges into their teenage daughters bedroom unannounced?
He is the one that should be apologizing for embarrassing you and your boyfriend. That's going to be burned in your mind for life I'm sure.

And you are NOT responsible for their feelings. As such you do NOT need to be on your best behavior to please your parents. Believe me I grew up with very controlling and abusive parents so I've heard all of this before. Speak your mind or else they will continue to manipulate you in one way or another. Good luck

[Vesuvius87]

Seriously this is what I hate about some parents. Are they so delusional into thinking that in a relationship you're gonna forever be just walking holding hands along with a couple kisses and nothing else... that you're going to remain virgin till marriage? LOL

[Vesuvius87]

Or that this is your first and only boyfriend you'll ever have in your life? Honestly what's going to happen is this relationship may work out and trust might be regain in time or you guys might go your separate ways and life goes on.

[Vesuvius87]

and just the fact that your father threatened to beat you up if you get pregnant that makes an an awful father and someone you probably won't trust in anything that has to do with relationships in the future. Talk about a poor way of making your kids not ever trust you.

[MrAtticusLebowski]

First off, your folks don't sound stable or well adjusted. I mean your dad did overreact. No dad wants to walk in on some dude banging his little girl.

Second, no having sex in your parents house. I don't think older married folks even do it when they stay over when visiting. Looks like it's time to move out of the house. This isn't the end of the world, they just need to accept your an adult.

[Raymond_Reddington]

you know, if i was your boyfriend and your father would scream at me that he never wants to see me again, I'd say something like "you won't, the next time I'm gonna have fun with your daughter, I'll make sure you're not home" imagine how badass that would be.
and your dad sounds like a controlling asshole.
to hell him with him is what i say.

[Asker]

Hahaha at least you made me laugh, my dad would had beat up my boyfriend 😂

[Raymond_Reddington]

I'm glad i made you laugh :3 and if your dad had done that, that wouldn't really be good for his relationship with you. maybe he would take that into consideration before he'd have at your boyfriend.

[SerendiptiousJane]

Perhaps you should wait a week and then discuss it with your dad like a proper adult. It may help if you are able to have a mediator to help the discussion not get out of hand.
P. S. How old are you btw?

[Asker]

19 years old and boyfriend 21

[Darkone1]

Hey, cool down girl. Your father is angry right now, he will be ok after sometime. Listen I know you are 19 and have every right to do as you wish but they are your parents. They have at least right to interrogate. Slow things down and let this pass.

[Vesuvius87]

Actually that's one way of making your kids not trust you.

[Darkone1]

@Vesuvius87 I will not defend your father cuz I don, t know him in person but my parents encourage me to find a girl and always give a good piece of advice.

[Vesuvius87]

Instead of explaining about using protection and asking if he's treating her good, if the relationship is ok overall, the asker's father throws a fiasco, shaming her and reacting like those puritanical, strict parents.

[Darkone1]

@Vesuvius87 Well, I agree with her father at one point. Parents house is not a good place to do it, her B. f need to arrange some place for that.

[Darkone1]

@Vesuvius87 What you are supposing, he must say?
Hi my Princess, You make me proud by riding a cock of fortune and raise to the glory of bitch.
HAN !

[Vesuvius87]

Yeah... there is nothing wrong with having a normal, adult relationship. I think it's funny when some of those parents at this age think that in a relationship, you're going to be holding hands forever and it'll be nothing but kisses but suddenly freak out if sex happened. Obviously it was going to happen.

[Vesuvius87]

No, but the way he reacted wasn't right either. It wasn't just the doing it in the parents' home part that the asker's father is upset but he's upset about the whole ''sex and intimacy in a relationship'' and how his daughter isn't a virgin anymore, which is normal for someone over 18 that's in a healthy adult relationship.

[Darkone1]

@Vesuvius87

[Darkone1]

@Vesuvius87 His father is a fool then cuz 18-27 is the best age for the conception, after 29-30 chances of abortion and syndromes (turner and Edward) increases and its max at 45 about 50 %.

[H2OBearer]

I did not read all of that you need to learn to sunmarize your words. Your father is being a parent of course no parent wants to see his innocent little daugther having sex with some guy he doesn't know. Tell him that you are 19 and all grown up and you do not have to break up with your boyfriend. You are an adult he needs to accept the circumstances and move on.

[TripleAce]

Give him the wink and the gun

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[soupfairy]

I'd have to talk him to fuck off you are an adult. Even if you can come to an agreement that you don't have sex in the house he can't really cock block you until you are 30

[Anonymous]

I feel like you knew this might happen and you did it anyways. It probably was exciting for the first 5 min, but now you are being punished for it. Punishment can be good for the soul, it doesn't seem to me that your dad is being out of line; you fucked up not him and he is the head of house hold. The only way to gain your fathers trust again is by doing what he said, then showing him you did it; then say sorry. Your move tho

[selmo93]

Talk it out.
Your a grown adult. Yes you should of in private and no dad wants to see that. But he can't curfew you and dictate your life for you

[SovereignessofVamps]

I've nvr heard of someone living like this irl. There's a really low chance of pregnancy if you use BC.

[performerwannabe]

The truth. Be honest and you're an adult so you can do whatever you want anyway

[OrdinaryGentleman]

You have to realize that your father is in the wrong here. I can't believe though that you are seriously considering breaking up, thats pathetic. shame on you.

[Anonymous]

While you're of the legal age, it's his house. Pretty disrespectful of you to be fucking a dude in your parent's house.

[livehappy]

😵😵😲. I don't have to worry about this yet. Maybe in the future. Good luck

[Asker]

Don't have sex at your house just don't. I used to go to my boyfriend house and it happened there because he only lives with his sisters. It was really stupid of me to accept and stupid for not looking if my boyfriend locked the door

[Kitty5970]

Why can grown kids stand up to their parents? I wouldn't break up with my boyfriend.

[amit741]

hey u have to talk to ur father with a third person on whom u trust like ur father and can solve the problem.
thats it my dear

[worldscolide]

You're over 18 your dad has no say

[SleepingSnorlax]

Dam your parents sound super strict

[Vesuvius87]

I hate parents like that. By then how is their adult child ever going to trust them again? If I ever became a mother, I would want my child to trust me and not fear me.

[SleepingSnorlax]

@Vesuvius87 yea i agree

[Asker]

They are super strict, i have always been a good student and always followed the rules, i feel stupid by what i've done but there is no turning back

[SleepingSnorlax]

You really shouldn't feel stupid its normal for teens and young adults to have sex lol

[Anonymous]

Could be a size thing guys get upset over that

[Anonymous]

Don't do anything... you are legal age.